the wake board world cup 2004 has been on yesterday, and only today do i finally utilise the binoculars to look at the reservoir... haha... its amazing u know... all those bodylicious wakeboarders down there doing their stuff... felt too lazy to go down acty, hehe... dun feel like walking all that way down, so i decided to watch it from the comforts of my living room with the binoculars... haha... its a perfect view btw, albeit a little far... haha

i must say though, its a little disappointing, coz we dun see the contestants wakeboarding over ramps etc here. instead, we see them somersaulting all the time. its exciting i guess, but when u watch all of them doing the same thing, it gets kinda predictable. =) anyway, i gotta take my hat off to them for being able to do those. i can barely even do the basic rolling on the floor... u know, the eggroll? the one where u tuck ur legs into ur chest and roll headfirst? yep, tt... haha... been getting fat lar, whole day eat then slp after coming home from sch.... but i guess during exam periods, everyone's entitled to gain weight. haha... excuses excuses. anyway, i feel REAL lazy to exercise. god knows how many times my parents have asked me to go swimming with me. haha...

we just brought shnoozee down for his first walk 2 days ago. oh man.. his reaction was not quite wat we expected. he was unlike peke, who took to putting on the collar and leash with aplomb. instead, he was S.C.A.R.E.D... yep, he was. not of walking downstairs i think, but of the leash. he keept trying to wriggle out of it (but of cos we know tt isnt possible) and trying to bite it. well, we expected tt he would try to bite it, coz it moves, and he so loves to put anything tt moves into his mouth. but wriggle out of it? we nvr expected tt. besides, we put it on him while he was in his fence, and he refused to come out of it until we let go of the leash. i wonder wat's wrong with him? could it be tt he smelt peke's scent on it tt's y he was scared? its not possible though, coz peke has been gone for like 6 mths, his scent should have been removed by now.... rite? and typical shnoozee behaviour: when we brought him down, he ABSOLUTELY refused to do his business, which was where we expected him to do it. instead, he just HAD to wait till he came home, and do it in the living room. oh god. i tell u, i think i can safely say i'm his personal cleaner. yep, i clean his.. err... his waste. -_-" but i guess its only to be expected, coz we chose to have a pet after all...=)

speaking of shnoozee the great, i'm gonna get disfigured for life if he carries on his barbaric ways. at least, my leg is. haha... everytime i let him out, he jumps all over me, and i guess he doesn know his strength and the fact tt his nails are long, coz he bites and climbs. argh. his nails dig into my skin! so now there are like claw marks running up and down my leg, and his teeth have drawn blood in 2 places on my calf already. tt wasn done on purpose i think, coz he was sliding down my leg and his teeth somehow sank into my calf. hai.... cant complain though, coz he was too overwhelmed with happiness at being let out. haha... =) besides, he's such a good natured dog. yes he is, regardless of wat i told u. he jumps all over ppl coz he's ecstatic to see them really! other than tt, he's jus so innocent and so forgiving... haha... he has absolutely NO temper, which is something to be said, coz peke was rather temperamental last tiem.... shnoozee is not a bit possessive. whenever we take one of his 'toys' away, he'll just find some other thing to play with. with peke however, touch his things at ur own peril, exp when he's eating. for shnooze, u can even insert ur finger into his mouth to extract wateva he's eating. he'll let u. hmmm.... tt said, i think he's innocent to the point of being silly? hehe... oh well.... but he's an endearing character. come see him, u'll know wat i mean! but u'll have to wait until after exams i guess, haha... =)

anyway, i thnk this will be the last entry until the end of exams, coz i dun think there'll be much to say over the next 3 wks... haha.... dun think there'll be much time anyway. ok cya and for any yr 2 students or sec 4 students who happen to read this entry, good luck for ur exams!! =)

The Voice Within- Christina Aguilera

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

(Be strong)
You'll break it
(Hold On)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

S.H.I.T

ALL THE PHOTOS I TOOK WITH THE CLASS LAST FRI ARE BLOODY WELL GONE! WAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED TO THE STUPID CAMERA!!!

stupid stupid stupid!! i cant say enough of it. just when i finally managed to find the cable for the camera and i installed everything into the comp and everything was in order, ALL THE PHOTOS HAD TO BE DELETED. my sis' photos, peke's photos, and those pics that i took with the vballers last yr and the photos i took on fri!!! GOODNESS!!! AND ALL OF THEM ARE GONE!!!! this is one of those occasions tt just makes me want to cry. argh!!!

Jas, so sorry u cant see the pics we took last fri here.... ARGH.... can we take somemore soon pls?

this request goes out to all of u who took photos with me last fri.... plsplsplsplsplsplsplspslsplspls can we take photos again?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

i'm so sorry!!! u can just murder me. but pls murder me after we've taken the photos and finished the A levels......

haven quite got over the SI thing yet.. haha.... anyway, let's all just hope for fairer outcomes for the competition... *crosses fingers*

just visited some of ur blogs, and realised that they, too, like mine, have remained stagnant for quite a while.. hehe... bet the stress is getting to all of us. my whole family's dropping like flies because of the flu... well, not my whole family maybe, coz my father is the only one unaffected by it. wanted to stay at home today to rest, but i realised there are a few commitments to be carried out today, and i can't possibly go back on my word once i've given it, can i? =) cant not go to sch tml either, coz there's lit, so the next best day would be on wed. i am predicting tt wed will be asthma attack day, coz my flu takes place in diff stages:

1. sore throat and/or body aches
2. stupid blocked nose that doesn allow me to sleep
3. coughs and asthma attacks

so far, 1 and 2 have been accomplished. now i just have to await the arrival of the asthma attack. coughs have started. so i guess by wed, the flu will reach its peak. hahaha... =) however, flu's not as bad as it was when i was in pri sch. whenever i had the flu and asthma attacks started, i'd have to be sent to the doctor for the nebulizer. u know, the oxygen like tank thing with a mask? yep, i was a frequent patroniser of that tank thing... hmm... i quite miss it though. haha... the smell's quite nice. sweet... =) but for some reason, it makes my nose run continuously, so tt's the bad side of it i guesss, along with the cost. luckily the intensity of the attacks has died down over the years, so i just need to rely on the inhaler.

i've just been looking thru the scholarships programmes, and i realised that i cant apply for so many of them, partly coz i dun take S paper, and partly coz i am not in the sci stream. i'd love to try applying to be a speech therapist acty... but tt requires a Bachelor of Sci. SPH scholarship... well... i guess i could try to apply for it, but as i slowly wake up from my delusions of grandeur, i realise tt i cant write. not at all. just feel my style seems childish. not matured and sophisticated like grace's, nor as full of content as jieting's. my lang is not bad i guess, but when i have to pit myself against the others with a much better command of the lang than i have, well...... the rest can be left unsaid. thus, should i be thick-skinned and go ahead with the scholarships application?

OH. MY. GOD.

WAT THE BLOODY FREAKING HELL JUST HAPPENED ON SINGAPORE IDOL, CAN SOMEONE PLS ENLIGHTEN ME?

why wasn't Christopher Lee voted out? why was Jerry Ong in the safe group? why was David Yeo kicked out?

whywhywhy?

jerry ong managed to kick out the good singers. isn it high time he got out? if he had gotten out today, its only a matter of time that christopher lee got out, rite? so wat the heck happened?
could someone tell me WHY they still managed to stay on in the competition? david yeo got kicked out because of ONE performance. jerry ong and christopher lee remained in the running though they had made god knows how many lacklustre performances. wat the hell??????? are their fanbases so large?

if everything goes the way it has done since SI started, jerry ong will win the award. olinda will be the next to get kicked out, followed by.... hmm... i dunno... leandra perhaps? then taufik, then maia, then daphne... then.... dunno who.

do i sound totally childish? perhaps i do. haha... but its just so amazing that results can acty turn out this way. oh man! its so painful to watch it, seriously. i guess reality tv does evoke violent tendencies in ppl... hehe...

dbjfoifdbgiouf testing....

while trying to revise econs, this thot kept recurring in my mind (useless thots keep recurring just when i should be utilising my brain for more pract purposes -_-" anyway, i'm digressing): wat is madness? is it when a person totally loses all consciousness of his surroundings but just continues to exist in a seemingly semi-conscious state behaving in a way tt is not socially acceptable? or does madness exist when a person has subconsciously decided to lock its conscious self in a place deep in the recesses of the mind where it is unreachable? in other words, is madness a withdrawal of the mind from the real world?

i just finished watching san shi feng yu lu (dunno the eng title, but i think its "Trials of Time" or something), and Zinan had gone mad coz of her foiled attempt to be with the guy she has loved since childhood- Rui-an, her cousin. acty i'm not sure when she started going mad, but i think the foiled attempt was the last straw. anyway, back to the story. when zinan was first sent to prison and her mother went to visit her, zinan was like a doll being dragged by the policewoman to the visiting place. there, she just sat limply while her mother pleaded with her to say something, all the while having an impassive face, and dull, sightless eyes. i suspected that zinan had already gone round the bend, but i was forced to rethink this when i saw a tear rolling down her cheeks, which could only mean that zinan had heard her mother's words, just that she still remained the same- limp, impassive, with sightless eyes. it made me have a feeling that while she was seemingly untouchable, a part of her- the sane and logical conscious part of her- was touched, just that it was already buried too deep inside her mind. was her mind already rejecting wat is real, accepting emptiness or the memories of the past? subsequently, as there was a fast forward to 2004, a scene showed zinan in a mental hospital (i think), who had seriously gone beyond reach. was this the final act of the deadening of her consciousness? i dunno. wat was still with her, though, was her memories of her past with Rui-an, which, i suspect, were her most treasured memories.

i'm not sure if u understood my analysis. it all looks confusing to me. nonetheless, the bottom line is that does madness mean locking away our consciousness and leaving only the memories we want? if so, does that mean that madness is curable, coz if madness is wat i think it might be, isnt it the conscious effort of the subconscious to lock away all that is painful and logical, and just bury it? or issit incurable, coz, like "Goblin Market", "One can lead a horse to water, Twenty cannot make him drink"- a person's mind is stronger than anything else?

i mean, u see, even Poe suggests this. in "The System of Dr Tarr and Prof Fether", the patients in the mental hospital seemed to have gone mad coz of a rejection of the social conventions imposed on them from society. in order to buck these conventions, they withdraw from the real world, and retreat into an imaginary world (somewat like a world not unlike that in "Alice in Wonderland") of them being teapots, donkeys and chickens. however, a point of consideration is this: was their bucking of social conventions conscious or unconscious? could there have been someting that happened to them that caused this, or did they just suddenly wake up one morning and found that the world they lived in was too harsh, too cold, too.... real?

ok, i better stop here... i'm making myself confused... now i think both the possibilities of madness are interlinked, though i feel there is a difference. cant really figure out the difference now anyway. hmm.... mebbe u can air ur views on my tagboard?

my final stand, though, is this: madness does seem to be a conscious effort of the subconscious in locking away the sane and the real, and the subsequent withdrawal of the mind into a deeper, darker, 'safer' place, where one cannot be touched by the harshness of the real world. it is a form of escapism, into a world made up one's own fantasies. so, while that person is living, awake, he or she is acty living a fantasy world deep within himself or herself, just like zinan, who lives in her past, when she was 11, knitting a scarf for Rui-an. a fantasy, a memory, which remains unchanged regardless of anything, and hence, stable and safe.