Research is a long and lonely road. Knowing that there is a link between my research and my journey through research used to be reassuring and fill me with motivation whenever I read my research papers, but now I'm left wondering when this will end. What do I need to do to get a reply? Is this a dead end or am I supposed to persevered? They say success comes to those who try. I've tried in as many avenues as I could, I've called as many times as is appropriate, but still no reply. It's like banging my head against a brick wall. We've always been taught to think positively, Facebook is full of positive affirmations. These encourage us to think that we matter, but really, in the whole scheme of things, in a large organization, we're nothing but a fly whose existence is observed when everyone is free but ignored when everyone else is busy. I keep waiting for that life-changing email which never comes. I've been calling till I believe the other party has now sent an email informing admin not to page him if there is a phone call. I believe the secretary also knows who I am and what to do with my calls now. But what else am I to do? Other organizations are behaving in the same way. Is it so hard to tell me whether they will work with me or not? I will be disappointed, yes, but I can move on with my life and I can prepare for other eventualities. My life is put on hold and I can't organize my sponsorship stuff.

Please remind me not to be like that to future students. It's cruel.