Influences

I think alot of factors in our lives can affect our lives drastically. New people we meet, close friends, our moods, our loved ones' moods, basically anything, can change the way we see things, the way we feel, the way we think.

I was reading some of my friends' blogs, and I realised (not that I didn't before, just that it's even closer to home now than before) that victory is relative. What may seem perfect to one person may seem lacking to another. And I wanted to tear as I read some of these friends' blogs. I was touched and inspired that they are strong enough to motivate themselves after so many setbacks and failures, and still had hope to achieve their dreams in the end. It made me wonder if I would have the strength to pick myself up, if I hadn't had the support of my family throughout those times.

My 'O' level results were a disaster. Nobody in my family expected me to go to a school less than TJC. But surprise, surprise, I did. But my family didn't give up on me, nor looked down on me. They still believed that I could do better for myself the next time round. I didn't do enough to make them very proud of me, but I gained something which was more valuable- my self-esteem. I'd lost it in secondary school due to several factors, among which was that I was among the cream of the crop. Now, that isn't always a bad thing, considering it made competitiveness a survival instinct in me, and that is something that is not easily gained. The self-confidence and self-esteem I gained in JC was valuable. And I didn't do well for 'A' levels to impress anyone, yes, but I did in NTU. Well, of course, I couldn't get first-class honours, but I did well enough to make my parents proud of me.

And why did I do well in NTU? Again, this goes back to my starting paragraph- the people I met. I met very supportive and nurturing friends, which made my adjustment into uni life better. I don't think I'd have enjoyed hall that much if Serene hadn't been my first roommate, or if I hadn't met Seow Ling, Mei Shi, An Li, Hui Li and Jeanette, and I don't think I'd have enjoyed psych as much as I have if I hadn't met PASYM. These people were the starting points of my life in uni, and they had further reinforced the self-worth I had gained back. And of course, there is my family. Who doesn't know that taking Linguistics as one of the modules is enough to kill? That's the module that drives me to sleepless nights and not a few tears everytime I take it, and of course, my family's always there to witness it. They made it so much easier for me to continue doing what I had to do, by removing some of the little details of my life which, though little, are the areas I can't live without, like food. Without all these people around me, I think I wouldn't have had a peaceful and rather interesting life in uni, much less even want to consider furthering my studies.

And then I met Kok Yong. He's a source of inspiration for me. Everytime I'm tired, or don't feel like working, the thought of him still being able to continue doing whatever he does so well despite being so tired makes me wonder if I'm justified to put aside my work. I don't deny that many times I've succumbed to temptation and slacked off, but knowing Kok Yong made me realise just how much effort I have to put in if I want to do something with my life. I don't think I'll ever become as superhuman as him, but I do hope to learn some of them from him, such as being decisive. Haha, goodness knows how horrible I am at making decisions. And... many people may think that he's often too consumed with his work to bother about anything else. I think... that's a misconception to a certain extent. True, he's very focused on his work, to the point of obsession at times, but he doesn't forget about those around him. Many times, I've been touched by the way he remembers little details of my life, like reminding me to bring my inhalers when I go out, or just taking care of me. They're not the wonderfully mushy romantic gestures and could be easily overlooked, but it's these that indicate that those around him are not forgotten.

All these people never fail to make me almost come to tears when I talk about them. I'm serious. Ask me about them, especially my family, and chances are, you'll see me tearing very soon. Haha. Emotional? I guess so, but I owe too much to them.

But of course, borrowing strength from all these people in my life necessarily entails sharing in some of their moods, and becoming affected by them. The closer I am to them, the more affected I am by them. I can't help worrying about them when they are not happy, or when things are not going smoothly in their lives. It's not that I don't care or I don't know when I don't ask- I just think that there's a reason why they don't approach me when they have their problems, and they'll come when they're ready. Of course, sometimes I put my big foot in my big mouth and say the wrong things and end up hurting them more than I intended. And sometimes, I'm insensitive to their needs or end up not being as supportive as they'd like. But I'm still trying to improve, and give back as much as I've taken from them. I'm not a very patient person, but I'm trying my best to be.

I hope this is enough.

Touched by a student

My student made my day yesterday. Fridays are heavy tuition days for me, cos I teach 6 hours consecutively. Yesterday was the first time I tried it out, and man, was it tiring. I didn't realise teaching English could be so draining. -_-"

Anyway, my last student- the one from the 7-9pm slot- thought that since I was teachingfor 6 hours consecutively, I might not have brought dinner, much less have had it, since I had been teaching since 3pm. So he walked out after taking his dinner, and bought bread and teh-peng for me. The bread was the normal kopitiam bread- bread with kaya and jam etc, and he bought one whole loaf of it (8pieces) for me. OMG.

I was so pleasantly surprised by his gesture, cos it showed that he actually cared that I might not have eaten, and would feel hungry and tired. I was also impressed, cos he didn't strike me as the kind to take this sort of initiative. I didn't expect many students to acually consider their tuition teachers maybe hungry- after all, we are selling a service, and most people don't take service people as real people, get what I mean? Yep, so my student's consideration was really very nice and inspiring. Haha... I was so touched I immediately smsed Kok Yong to tell him about it.

Though my student felt his gesture was very small, I think of it as a rather big deal, cos it's not often that people whom you aren't close to actually bother to think about how you're doing.

Yep, I'm very impressed indeed. =)

Stationery

I gotta confess something.


I really love stationery. My favourite forms of stationery are mechanical pencils and notebooks. Haha, not that I have many uses of them- after all, how many notebooks can you use, and how often do we use pens, now that we are in the digital age? Sometimes I feel it's a waste to buy so much stationery, but the sight of them... haiiiii... it's how girls go ga-ga over shoes and bags I guess. Just that... I do love bags too, but that's another story.

Just got an organizer for myself. Haha I feel so happy just looking at it. It makes me wanna become a go-getter overnight. Suddenly I feel alot of motivation to do my work, just so I can cross out the things I did inside my organizer. *blush* All right, back to work, then I can play with my organizer already.

I do so love the feeling of a messy life slowly getting into order, don't you? ;)


And on a completely unrelated note, my cough's almost gone! Yay!! Soon I'll be able to go to Arnold's Fried Chicken. Oh man, I haven't been there so long.... Maybe I'll do a post on it, so that you all can see why I'm so crazy about it that I started dreaming of it a few weeks ago.

Ok byebye!

Hall

It feels like Chinese New Year as I'm typing this now in my room in hall. Nope, it's not the noise or the decor, but it's the light in the corridor outside. It's rather bright tonight for some reason... Maybe it's cos they just painted the walls white, so the light kinda reflects on the walls to make it brighter than it really is?

Why does this remind me of CNY? Haha well that's cos the bright light reminds me of Chinatown, and of the time when we 守岁 on the Eve of CNY. I still remember how my parents would go to Chinatown on CNY's eve, and then we'd wait for them to come back to see the pussywillows and other CNY decor they bought, and help them put it up. The next day's always full of excitement, even though it's the same thing every year- get up, wish everyone Happy New Year, get angpows, have breakfast, change, go visiting. It's like, for once in the year, there's no worry about schoolwork, or any other thing that's stressful. For that one day, everything is put aside for goodwill and smiles. I really like that. =)

This year will be better than the last, cos Evon's back! I wish Yi Lun was here though, it would make everything more complete. CNY and Christmas are not as fun when the whole family's not around... Oh well, all these will change soon!!

Caught in the Middle

Have you ever been caught in the middle before? When no matter how you answer, fireworks was sure to start, and the only thing you could do was to keep it to yourself or tell neutral parties who can't really help you?

Ironically, in this circumstance, what seems like a win-win situation is actually a win-lose situation. Both parties win, cos they don't know, or don't want to see, the problem that's staring them in the face. And the person trying to keep the problem under wraps is the one who's getting bombed.

The question here is, to what extent can the person keep the problem quiet? If the person's privacy is compromised, is it time to voice it out? But what happens if a war breaks out between the two parties if the person lets out the problem? Is it the person's fault? Who takes responsibility here?