My First Week

Well, the first week of school is over, and it was a rather humbling first week. I've been brought back to earth, and made to realise that back home, I might have been able to understand alot of things, and find my way around, but here, I'm a visitor to a foreign land. Everyone speaks English, but it's a different sort of English all the time, 24/7. I won't say it's hard to understand, but it takes quite a bit of cognitive capacity to understand it. I mean, I can understand what they are saying, but I have to pay attention, or the information just gets lost on me. Jokes specific to Australians are lost on me, cos I am not that familiar with Australian culture yet. It feels good to slip into Singlish once in a while, that you feel you're right at home once again.

All in all, it's been an enlightening experience, and it's rather interesting to experience being in the minority when I've been in the majority all my life.

The people here are rather nice, and rather friendly, just that they seem more comfortable with their own people, which is normal, and perfectly understandable, as they've been around the same people all their lives. I present myself as a novelty, and who would want to approach a novelty 2 days into knowing them? We did that rather often in NTU, didn't we? Not approach the exchange students, and basically just clung together? So yes, it's interesting to be on the other side of the fence this time. Not pleasant, but interesting. I've to learn to deal with it, and maybe I'll become a better and more understanding person.

Everyone in class has had some form of experience in clinical work, except me. And they have gone through many life stages - marriage, divorce, first degrees, children... which leaves me as almost the youngest and greenest, and also means that I've got alot of catch up work to do. I just hope my mindset doesn't defeat me first before I start on my journey. I think a bit of it is affecting me, because sometimes I wonder why a particular concept is so difficult for me to understand. But don't worry, I'm still working on it. I'll be strong, and I won't let anyone down. Haha but I hope I'll have enough willpower to decide to continue on with a PsychD. Thinking about myself having 2 years ahead is daunting enough, so thinking about 3 years right now is.... well, kinda sad.

But something happened today that made me wonder if I've been going into this new chapter of my life with my eyes closed after all. Cos today, one of my classmates talked to me and asked me, "So how do you find today's lesson? Was it all right for you?" And I went, "Yeeeah..." Then she smiled and said, "Haha, you sound apprehensive. Are you all right?" Haha so I told her that I still needed to listen to some parts of the lecture, and some info was just zooming past me. After that when I asked her some questions about the readings, she took the initiative and helped me ask the lecturer, and told me that I can always ask her anything. And at the end of the lesson, she gave me her email address and told me to contact her anytime. Well. I think that was pretty nice of her to offer her help like that, but I can't help wondering what it was about me that made her behave like that toward me. Hmm... I wonder if it was because of my introductory speech on Monday. Oh well, I shan't think too deeply into that.

And while in the Ladies, I talked to another classmate, and she seemed rather nice. It all just started with a Hi from me, and we started introducing ourselves, though she seemed to not know much about Asians, seeing as how she told me her name, and said that it's probably hard for me to remember. Heh. Well seeing as how I come from Singapore, and her name is really not that uncommon, I think I shouldn't have problems with it. But still, I shall overlook that seemingly patronizing connotation and think she was probably trying to be friendly and helpful.

And at the end of the lesson, the guy sitting beside me came to introduce himself to me, and chatted with Wing and me for a bit. This girl from my Monday class smiled at me too as I walked into class, and I even joked with another classmate as I was getting out of class.

Well. Things aren't that bad after all, are they? Perhaps everyone just needs time to warm up, and just a Hi sometimes can melt the ice. I shall reserve judgment till I'm proven otherwise.

All in all, not a bad week.

Going for dim sum in Northbridge tomorrow, and going on a Catamaran trip on Saturday!! =)

Double Whammy

It's Chinese New Year AND Valentine's Day today, 2 days which I don't get to spend at home with my loved ones.

Last night, I was watching my family packing the red packets, to be given out today, tomorrow, and possibly Tuesday. I never used to appreciate this, until last night when they were packing while webcamming with me. I wished so much I was there, joining in the preparations, whining about having to go to the market, gossiping about the CNY performances with my family... But all I could do was to watch them do it. Haha, sometimes webcam's a torturous thing. You can see and hear everything, but you can't participate. Nonetheless, I think having a webcam is better than having none at all. At least I can see everyone I love.

As for Valentine's Day, well, it's not the first time I've not spent it with Kok Yong, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear. It's not the occasion or the celebration that matters to me actually; rather, it's the fact that I cannot see him or spend time with him that makes me... melancholy. And seeing couples happily together around me makes me miss him so much more.

I know I should grow up and be mature about this. I'm still adjusting. There'll be many times in the future I'll have to be alone, and I'd really like to take this opportunity to be more independent. I'm working towards that. Right now, though, I just miss everyone and everything back in Singapore.

New Chapter

So now I'm in Perth, and this time, I'll really be left alone. People say it gets easier to say goodbye to loved ones the more times you do so, but I think this is not very true. I think goodbyes are never easy to say.

My parents and Yi Lun left for Singapore today, and man, do I wish so much that they were still here, or that one, or all, of them could stay here with me. The last few days with them here, I felt really secure and happy. Now that they're no longer here, it's like, I really have to live an independent life by myself. It's hard to explain this feeling. It's a bit like, I'm left to fend for myself, and this time, I really have to fight my own battles. There's no more going back home to Bedok Reservoir at the end of the week to hide from it all.

BUT!

Before anyone emails or calls me to try to wake me up, let me let you know that I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. I may be homesick, but I'm not going to let that defeat me and compromise on what I'm here to do. I'm well aware that I'm here for several reasons - some tangible, others intangible, and I'm going to do that. I wanted this, and I'm not going to regret my decision.

I miss home.

I miss my parents.

I miss Evon.

I miss Yi Lun.

I miss Kok Yong.