OK! admit it! my chatterbox is boring! tt's y nobody toks in it!!!!!

hhaa... kidding... i admit, i've hardly done anything to make it more interesting... hehe....

anyway, tt's not wat i wanted to blog in here... well, it was, but tt's not e main point. frankly, now tt i'm here, i'm not sure wat my main point is...

oh well... mebbe jus to say tt i finally found this spurt of motivation to do my revisions... i wonder if this spurt will disappear together with the morrow. well... just came back from econ tuition, and i got to thinking tt if i dun have more organisation in my life anytime soon, my messed up notes and stuff will take on a symbol of my future a level results- messy. yep. u should take a look at my shelves. on the surface, everything looks fine and dandy. take out all the files, and u'll be hit by an avalanche of papers. yes, papers. loose papers, to be exact. hahahhahahahahahahahha.... oh man.... tt sux... i have to get my life back in order.... preferably sometime this year.... SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! HELP!!! haha... kidding...
guess this kinda thing is only up to me...

oh well... haven manaaged to get hold of hilda mak for the past THREE DAYS!! WHY?!?!?!??! she's like so elusive! just like e quote in the poem today "She leaves just as i enter" haha... my CIP hours are not approved yet!! goodness!!!

i realised tt i'm v long-winded, and i dun keep to answering questions to the point (oh FINE... i didn JUST realise... i realised it long ago.... bleah) gotta try to be as concise as possible, and try not to use useless redundant words to crowd my essay. RITE. Let's just see me try tt....  i must try.... otherwise how the heck am i gonna get my A? i'm NOT gonna waste money on tuition just ending up getting a C. NONONONONO. No Sirreeee...

hahaa... its late now, gtg.... feels like i'm on adrenaline... well, let's hope the chicken soup i just drank will help me sleep.... nite....

"If only wishes could be dreams
And all my dreams could come true..."
----------let me get all my As rite now... without studying.....
 
"Mirror Mirror i wish u could lie to me...."
----------tell me it's sat tml...
 
"Mirror Mirror lie to me
Show me wat i wanna see....."
----------All As in my result slip.....

oh yah, and how come the chatterbox hasn been active for so long? am i tt boring? hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha

it's been a rather event early week, with mon first starting off with dinner out with my relatives, and me entertaining or babysitting my niece.... shant tell u i think she's a brat... oops! i just did ;) anyway, alvin, alan, laura, u all get my drift...  i shant oso tell u how hard it was just to have a normal conversation without her interrupting every few min trying to get my attention with some anecdote she thinks will brighten up my oh-so-dull life, such as, "AOR!!! Sun Ho is my teacher! really!" -_-" OH WOW! REEEEALLLY?! and here dumb old me was thinking she was a singer! *slaps head* ... anyway... i think i better shut up bout her.... though its like, i can't help it i tell u, she's so domineering and so attention seeking, and she's a liar.... do u know, she took my hp and REFUSED to return it to me!? she made phonecalls using my phone, and when questioned, she lied about it and DARED to laugh at me for accusing her!!!

ok, on to the next day, before u all start thinking i'm some nutcase who hates little children. i dun, u know, just for the record. i like children. i used to like her until she terrorised my sisters and me. yes.

ok, i guess u all have heard of xian liang's death by now. he died the day before. i wanted to blog here yesterday, but after coming back from his wake, i had to go finish off my hw... hee... paiseh... anyway, i still think it's a shock to know tt someone i know- or used to know has passed away. i know i didn really know him very well, but we've like, known each other since pri sch... guess there's some kind of familiarity, no matter how little? it was kinda surreal to go to his wake and look down at his coffin and think, "i knew this guy. he was smart and somewhat of an all-rounder. we were in the same class before. he? gone? " it was also kinda weird looking at his coffin, reading "Mr Goh Xian Liang. Departed: 26/7/04. Age: 18 years old" it all sounded so final. he looked peaceful, and i guess the makeup artist who made him up did a good job, though there was a certain waxiness about him... he looked like one of those wax figures.... it's sad, u know, like, i suddenly realised how fragile life is. i used to think tt with our mind, we could defeat anything. now, i think when one's life comes to an end, nobody can defeat it.

i wonder if mrs sim knows bout this... should i try to contact her? guess i should rite? but based on how fast news travels, i would think she knows bout it now..

hopefully xian liang's at peace now...

 

WATEVER. i dun want to care how important treachery is central in the theme within A&C. I dun want to care how labour market works in the factor market. Neither do i want to care about the probability of the number of red balls that can be taken out of a bag with blue, green and yellow balls... hell... there arent even ANY red balls... WATEVER. however, if i want to be a successful product in this graduate factory called Singapore, i HAVE to care. if i want to survive in this dog eat dog world, i HAVE to care. i have to care wat the angle of elevation is between where i'm standing and the Pan Pacific Hotel. WOW!!! *claps hands sarcastically* honestly, do u think i even have to know tt?!

=Þ this gets on my nerves sometimes... no, make tt most of the time. i dun mind lit, or maths, or econ. but i mind tt my whole life just has to revolve around them for the next god knows how many weeks. acty, i know how many weeks it is, i just dun feel like putting it down. all the teachers are telling us to revise. WOW! WAT A REVELATION!!! and how are we supposed to do revision when we are supposed to come to sch everyday, and complete their hw and do the assigned group works?! I KNOW!! WE HAVE LIKE, 48 HOURS EVERYDAY!! WHERE OUT OF THEM, 36 HOURS ARE SPENT STUDYING!!! oh wow, tt's like, fantastic!!! -_-" watever. i guess i'm sounding darn bitchy now... yah yah... can't help it. have to let it out or else tml u all will see a mad yi ling. oh well, kinda hard to believe rite? well, i do try to control my emotions when i'm in sch... *smiles sweetly*
 
ok, i better go lose myself in antony's world again. frankly, i dun see how he can be seen as a tragic hero. as far as i can see, he deserved wat he got. he was the one who was so mule-headed bout fighting by sea. he chose to listen to Cleopatra in the first place instead of his lieutenants. the only tragic thing i see is tt he botched up his own suicide, only to find out tt Cleopatra had acty bluffed him about her death.
 
Oh wait! i think i get it... he's tragic coz he did all he did coz of Cleopatra. he loves her. oh well... guess this is wat they mean by love blinds a person to all reason. his love for her led to his downfall. sad ah? well..... guess from this play, there isn such thing as being a middle ground for being both pragmatic and romantic. something has to be given up. for Antony, it was his life and his empire. well... at least he reconciled himself at the end of the play, though it was only at the end of his life tt he did tt.... hmm... i guess i gained something by complaining here..... well.... bye....... 

OK... today is the end of the week. FINALLY!!! haha... we had the inter- fac volleyball finals today, and guess what? we got second! haha... at first we didn really have much confidence in winning candice's team in the semis, but we did it! hee.. they put up a good fight, u know.... =) then after tt, we met science B in the finals... man, they are good, and i must say, we nvr expected to win them. we lost to  them 2-1 by the way, hehe... we gave them a run for their money man!!! =) we beat them 15-4 in the first set, then they won us 15-11 (i think) 15-13... come to think of it, it was a close fight, eh? hehe... oh well... second is not bad oso lar, and the finals was the best game we have had for the whole of the inter-fac vball tournament... there was real teamwork... =)

oh yah, EXCITING NEWS!!! haha, i won Borrowed Heaven by The Corrs on wed night! i messaged Power 98, telling the dj, "could i please please please have the cd by The Corrs? i love them but i haven had time to buy their cd coz i've been busy studying". guess wat? the dj called me back!!!!!! haha... only jas heard me though... haha... and i think i sounded so weird on the radio... my voice was so low! but then again, i was doing lit when the dj called, and it was at, like, 11+ and i was SOOOOOOOOO sleepy!! haha, so i guess it's natural tt i sounded sian sian on the phone. nevertheless,  i WON!! haha, listening to the cd now... it's great!! got 2 new cds this week... one by FIR, a fantastic one- my sis bought it at bugis village for $7!! haha... the song "Tarot Cards" and the piano version of "Lydia" are fantastic! acty, FIR is a great band... they dun have the usual elements of mandarin pop. it's more unique in the sense tt it doesn conform to the mould mandarin songs usually follow, which is why i rather like them. needless to say, the other cd is by THE CORRS!!! hahah.... wow, i'm starting to build up my collection of original cds... hehe.... but of course, i have to save money lar.... -_-"

anyway, i gtg if i plan to finish my hw anytime this weekend.... need to have time for revision somemore. seriously, i'm considering not going to sch like at least once a week after the whole syllabus has been finished, which is like, now..... but then, i dun exactly relish the thought of spending 3 hours in a polyclinic just for an mc... not really worth it. uh uh *shakes head* just imagine: in a day, we spend like 9 hours in sch. imagine if one day, we didn go to sch. we would prob wake up at 8am, which means there are 8 hours of sch left (assuming tt sch starts at 7..) then we have breakfast, until about maybe 9. then, probably procrastinate about the house, which takes mebbe  1/2hr? then get ready to see the doctor. the trip down prob takes another 1/2hr, which means tt by then we have 6 hours of sch left. we wait for the doctor, which, on a normal weekday, takes mebbe 3 hours? (ok, mebbe if we are lucky, an hour). tt leaves like 3 hours of sch left. ok, the 1/2 hour trip back home, further procrastination, oh yah, forgot lunch! altogether mebbe take up another 1 1/2 hours? ok, tt leaves another 1 1/2 hours to do wateva we took the mc for. now, tell me, is it worth it to forgo 9 hours of lectures and tuts to waste 7 1/2 hours preparing to do the thing as i have demonstrated?

of course, different ppl may have diff ways of doing things, and thus may criticise my breakdown of time. of course u are entitled to ur own breakdown of ur time! after all, ppl have different time managements... haha... but tt's how i perceive mcs... oh well.... looks like my plan to take mcs goes down the drain... now, if i could just convince the lazy part of me to believe tt.........

ah ha! i found my ring!! luckily williana left it with the clerk... i almost had a heart attack when i went to the lost and found section and saw the mess there. how the heck would i be able to find it?! anyway, i went thru the things, but surprise surprise! it wasn inside.. i was losing hope already, until tabbi reminded me tt major tham keeps the lost items that are valuable. so i asked him, but it wasnt with him. tt left only one more clerk. i was hoping and praying tt she had it with her. IT WAS!!! YAY!!! haha...

anyway, yesterday was the sea carnival. our class took part in the 'Make a Raft' competition. haha, it was fun! we ended up winning best design and third in the race. acty, the third prize was by luck, coz 2 of the rafts had either capsized or come apart before or during the race... hee... well, though we were slow, we were STABLE. no thanx to those who questioned the stability and function of our raft! =p haha... but thanx to all those who helped, which is like so many ppl... anyway, u know who u all are... those who attended e sea carnival to the end to support us... HURUL!! for ur fish burger, XUEFANG!! for ur raffia, JUN!! for helping us clear up after tt, WARDAH!! for also helping us clear up, and of course, THE REST for coming to support us. haha.. first time our class joined something as a class and we did it rite and well...=) oh yah, here's a trivia: the name of our raft was "Antony and Cleopatra's Love Boat", in memory of the poetic verses by Enobarbus... can't remember wat they were, but they were very luxurious and rich and full... haha... =) oh btw, tt was me lying on the fluorescent green float on the raft... hee... it was fun, come to think of it, but it's a pity that i didn have enough guts to take on the persona of Cleopatra... hahaha.... tt would have been a real treat, wouldn it? ;)

hello!!! haha... been away for a record of almost 10 days... oh well... been bz catching up with hw... and when i came back here, i realised blogger had acty made so many changes! now its more convenient and more fun to type in my entries! yay! i love technology. SOMETIMES.
 
there was one BLACK CLOUD in my sky today. i lost the ring i had been given jus 3 days ago! goodness! tt ring was worn by me when i was a baby ( i nvr realised tt), and it was returned to me last sat by my father, who said my grandmother had kept it for me, for fear tt i would put it in my mouth and swallow it. well, i guess the ring is not fated to be with me. today i wore it to sch, and guess wat WONDERFUL thing happened? the ring dropped from the string i put it thru. and u know wat the worst thing was?
 

1. something had told me to take it off before pe. i refused to listen to tt voice
2. after pe, i heard ppl asking who had lost a ring. i just checked to make sure the string was there. i didn even bother to pull the string out to check if the ring was still inside.

u know wat? i only found out after i had reached home and found the string lying on the floor. DAMN! i really almost cried. tt ring means so much to me. it's like a part of my past, and i just let it get lost so carelessly! wat the heck is wrong with me!?!?!?!?!

i found out tt a girl from S14 (Williana, from my spe class), had taken it. thanks to grace, xue fang, and lai yee, i was able to track who had taken the ring! thank u all of u! the ring was put in the lost and found counter in the general office. oh man... hopefully i find it still there tml... it has been there for a day... i do hope nobody noticed the ring and took it away... all my hopes are banked on the counter... if it isn there, i really dunno wat i'd do... the ring is v impt to me... dunno y oso, but i kinda feel something when i wear it... a kind of security i guess... dun ask me y... i dunno.... i dun usually wear jewellery to sch, and this was an exception, because of the feeling it gives me when i wear it... and now, look wat happened?! it does seem silly to wear gold to sch rite? esp for pe? i cant explain it myself... maybe u'll have to keep an open mind bout my reasons? its just something i cannot explain... mebbe i was tempting fate... *shrugs* 

ARGH!! now i just cant wait for tml when i can go to sch to really find out if it's still there... pray hard for me that i'll find it pls?!?!?!?!?!?!?! i need all the help i can get man....

let's hope tml will be a better day.... i promise not to be so stupid to wear the ring to school... if only i can find it.... will update u tml, just hopefully with good news. rite now, i have to go into battle with mcq for nov 2000. hope i win. today and tml........

haha... back again after 2 quiz results.. =p anyway, i just gotta tell u bout the buffet i went to yesterday.. oh omy GOSH! it's just sooooooo worth every cent of the 20 odd dollars we paid for it. it was an international buffet, at Sakura Restaurant at Downtown East. NTUC club members can get a 20% discount for one more person i think.. not v sure. anyway, back to the topic. its like the best buffet i've ever been to.

u know how other buffets are, there's only like how many kinds of beverages available, but not this. they have like 5-6 different kinds of drinks, the usual fast food drinks (u know, those in the dispensers in the fast food restaurants?), smoothies or frosties or slurpies (dunno wat u call em, but there were like 3 different flavours), and coffee (in a coffee maker) tea (green tea or english tea). there were so many kinds!!!

ok, on to food. there were so many kinds of japanese food- tempura, sashimi, sushi, and all of them were subdivided into SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many varieties. chi food had dim sum, fried rice, curry, fried noodles, veggie (the boring stuff, except the curry, which was duck and v nice). Dessert was FANTASTIC. so many cakes, and most were chocolate (my best friend!). there was jelly (but texture wasnt tt great), kuehs, bubor chacha. soups were shark's fin (dun like it, coz the thot of sharks being killed puts me off) and mushroom soup... am i making u drool? oh yah, and oysters, mussels and scallops and prawns and lobster and salads... the shellfish could be taken raw or baked... OH MY GOD!!! i'm just feeling sad now coz i didn get to eat all the food!!!!! ARGH!!!!!! everything was nice, though i think the oysters are... hmm... a little lacklustre as compared with the other shellfish. I WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN!!!! hahahaha.. had the best time last nite. we stayed there for 2 and a half hours, just eating and talking. oh yah, i forgot to add that there was teppanyaki!!!! there's an assortment of meat and veggie, then u can choose wat u want, and give to the chefs to fry!!! and one bonus is, IT'S HALAL!!! haha... saw a few muslims there, so i gatehred it is, and come to think of it, there werent any food with pork, so i guess it should be halal... was bz thinking of the food to see whether there was the halal sign... =)

hehe, guess i sound like a pig lah.. haha... but i dun mind going anywhere where there's nice food. as long as the food makes up for the surroundings, anywhere is fine. i once had laksa in penang at this roadside stall, and flies were flying around everywhere- on top of the noodles, ingredients, etc. however, the food made everything worthwhile... haha, and the fact that they soaked everything in boiling water made it a little better. hehe, overall, it was great. i wouldn mind going there again.... =)

if u have any good recommendations on food, pls tell me!!!!!!!!!! haha... guarantee u we will go the next weekend... hahaha... =)wat can i say? *shrugs* my family loves food... haha =)

ok... guess some ppl wanna kill me now, for talking so much bout food... hahah... better stop.. got alot of hw to do... so i guess i better go... byebye!

What attracts people to you?
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can u all see the lyrics? is there ANY WAY at all i can post up chinese words?!

当你
By : Cyndi Wang Xin Ling

如果有一天 我回到从前
回到最原始的我 你是否会觉得我不错

如果有一天 我离你遥远
不能再和你相约 你是否会发觉我已经说再见

当你的眼睛眯着笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好

当你说今天的烦恼 当你说夜深你睡不着
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道

如果有一天 梦想都实现
回忆都成了永远 你是否还会记得今天

如果有一天 我们都发觉
原来什么都可以 无论是否还会停留在这里

当你的眼睛眯着笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好

当你说今天的烦恼 当你说夜深你睡不着
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道

也许可是让我想得太多 也许该回到没我
梦里和相遇 就毫不犹豫 大声的说我要说

当你的眼睛眯着笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好

啦 啦 啦
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道
啦 啦 啦

i'm bored!!!! haha.... after 2 days of languishing around the house doing nothing but reading, i can now say tt there's nothing to do in the house. studying?!?!?!?!?!?!? oh man.... dun remind me... and STOP!!! NOT bout how near the As are either pls! i know how near they are... they are like creeping up behind my back... eeew... can feel their slimy crawly legs all over my body.... now they are at the back of my knees... slowly but steadily creeping up my back.... am i making a lick of sense? hope so... =)

anyway, just read yanfang's blog... she went to watch the Asian vball tournament!!! AAAAHHH! haha... acty i wanted to watch, but i was bz mugging for the common test. haha... wat a life... mebbe i can catch it next yr? or whenever it is... hehe... i found out a few months ago that our sch bookshop auntie's niece is one of the national team players. she's currently in SAJC.. one yr older than us, but she retained (forgot her name. it's at the tip of my tongue). haha... yanfang, yy they all were cursing their luck... hehe... =) well, she's good... and her auntie went to support her the day of the finals. YES, SINGAPORE GOT INTO THE FINALS IN THE ASIAN VB CHAMPIONSHIPS!!! hahaa... they lost to thailand 3-0 though, 15-25, 13-25, 13-25, and got second. wow. couldn believe the newspaper when i read it man... =) anyway, it's rather good news, isn't it? tt singapore got something... one of the players got the best something... forgot wat oso... server i think... hmm... can;t really remember though... ;)

next week is the start of the inter-fac vball tournament, and i wun be able to play on fri!!!!! i gtg ajc for some focus-group session bout pw. oh man... wat is there to say?! anyway, guess i'll go there and listen to wat the other jcs have to say about pw, and mebbe i'll have somethign to add in as well? haha... dun wanna go there and be like a blockhead.. ;)

anyway, enough crapping.. gtg get ready to go out...

CIAO! =)

LOVING ONE. You need safety in your relationship.
You want to be sure in his/her arms, knowing
that he will protect you and you can be totally
devoted to your other. At this point you are
very vulnerable. You open yourself and dont
even think that he/she could cheat you. You
totally trust your partner in every single way.
SO if you find out that she/he lied to you or
played a game this trust is broken. You may try
to forgive your other but this will be very
difficult.He/She has to be friendly and
trustworthy.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.
You can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

hahaa.... exams are finally over, and bet u're wondering y i didn immediately leave an entry here the moment my papers ended... well...... I WAS BUSY SLACKING!!! hahaha... was acty reading harry potter and the order of the phoenix after all the papers, and got rather hooked onto it, so there was not much motivation going anywhere but my bed and the chairs to read it. do u know, though this is the second time i have read the book, i'm still in denial that sirius black died? oh man...somehow i dun think he died u know... he was still alive when the stunning spell got him (well... it was red light and not a green light...) mebbe like wat evon says, he's among the land of the dead, where he's still alive. anyway, i feel there are loopholes bout tt, so mebbe jk rowling might come up with something bout sirius black's death in the next book, which, as evon told me, the title is harry potter and the half-blood prince... =) wonder when it's gonna come out though...

ok... after the paper last thurs, in the evening, i went out with grace, xuefang and jasmine to watch Windstruck- a korean movie which is quite touching acty... hgahaha...the beginning made all of us laugh like anything, but the end... well... the end made us cry... u should wathc the show acty... it's quite lengthy to acty say it here, so i shall not spoil it for u... =) even at the sad moments, there were times when it was just funny as well. a good movie, i would say. but then again, i'm a sucker for romance. =) i would encourage u to watch it though... =)hehe...

after the movie we went to take neoprints, and just when we reached the shop, the shutters were just coming down. grace and xf went to plead with the shopkeepers, telling them we only wanted to take one shot, so they let us in. but that one shot was FUN! hahaha... we were the only customers inside the shop, so we were laughing and talking loudly. well acty, tt was the most fun i've had in taking neoprints... =)

anyway, tt's all the updating, and well, i've had fun slacking the past few days... how does one get used to slacking? hahahaha.... it's been very absent in my life these days, so i guess i better savour it... hehehe...
bye!
=)

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.... i DUN FEEL LIKE STUDYING ALREADY!!!

tomorrow's the last paper, and my energy's flagging... can't drag myself up from the computer to acty go read the notes on gothic, but... oh well... i still have to... i'll prob just burst out of the hall tml screaming bloody murder after the paper.. haha... all hell's broken loose, coz i'm madd!!!!hmm... on hindsight, forget wat i just said... many wouldnt believe i'm capable of doing tt... frankly, neither am i. haha... =)

one thing i know for sure is, NO MORE LAST MIN STUDYING OF LIT FOR ME. EVER AGAIN. oh man... studying for it at the last minute last nite was pure torture, not to mention stressful. can't remember much. take my advice. lit is not for last min. oh man... i can feel premature white hairs grwoing... and premature aging is so not evident in my family line... guess some new gene just developed halfway today tt;s like gonna be some recessive gene tt will turn dominant if and when i marry someone with a premature ageing gene in his DNA. hahah... so bio rite? it just came out of my memory like some long lost.... memory?

hehe... ok, i'm off teaching my sis how to earn points on the myscenedolls.com website hurul intro-ed on her blog... haha... its so bimbotic its fun! hahahahahahahahah

The down-to-earth girl


Which girl stereotype are you?
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hey alvin, thanx so much for ur help in the strike thru thing!!! hahah.... u made it nicer!!!! =)

just chatted with kenette's gf. she's a NICE girl! wow, kenette realyl has good taste man... character nice, face oso nice... hai... oh btw, he's my cousin.. hahah... feel happy for him.. =) oh well, i htink they are a good match acty, both are great ppl, inside and out, and they have brains to complement each other.... xian mu si wo le!!!!!!

oh well... on the heavier side of things, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. wat a dampener. been slacking sicne this morning... hahahahahaha.... so my conscience is driving me to do work. but first, lunch. bye!

sometimes i think tt i'm just doing a pre-death struggle. u know, like before a person drowns, they make this last-ditch desperate attempt to keep themselves afloat? yep, i soooo feel like tt... hahaa....

just kinda think there's not much point in studying anymore for the common test, though it would be a lie to say tt i have acty done much. sian. its so sickening lar. cant concentrate, and i'm so dreading the time when i have to go back to sch. *GASP* horror of horrors! it's next week! i guess i shall have to forgo this common test, do the best i can for it and just keep to my long term goal of the prelims and a levels. tts e best i can do at the moment i guess. getting tired. haha... just hope i dun seriously burn out by the end of the year. oh well. i just need to get thru this common test, then i'll contemplate wat i should do until the prelims. it also doesn help tt there are no shows to watch on tv at 7 and 9pm! oh man! its all BORING!!! now i only look forward to tues 8pm's Daddy's Girls (which is like so bimbotic and rather brainless if u ask me, but i watch it coz it doesn need the mind haha) and thurs 1045pm's meteor garden 2. ahahhahahahah. wat a no-life i am.

i seriously can't wait to break out of this cage man. its getting so depressing. haha. but mebbe, once i break out of this cage tt seems to be getting smaller for me, will i find myself in another cage, though this time it's much more spacious, but filled with ppl of even more hidden facades? well.... stay tuned..... ;)

can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's like the last week of june hols and i haven finished my revision yet!! oh man!! have a feeling i'm gonna do badly esp for econ... i just looked at the questions mrs loh compiled for us, and i was just thinking that if prelims and A levels are gonna give tt kind of questions, i am so gonna die.

i'm too tired to think or do work anymore. hmm... a little rain and less sun would do a WHOLE WORLD OF GOOD!!!! coz i hate hot weather. i loooooove rainy days... hot weather just makes me wanna sleep the day away, coz it's too hot to be able to do anything else!!! sian we were so close to a thunderstorm yesterday evening, but in the end, there was only very strong wind. -_-" and yes, my mood is still braindead- if u can see the picture.

i just saw my personal horoscope thing which i stupidly signed up for. i so regret it now, coz there was no insightful analysis to my character, but only some self-recommendations and self praise bout the pshychic person herself. now i'm worried if she'll do anything to me. not going to reply to her forms or send in any testimonials though. y the heck was i so stupid to do tt? argh... anyway, astro.com one is not bad though..... guess i just stereotyped everything together.

not looking forward to going back to start work. hate econs.

How to make a Yi Ling

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 1 part crazyiness 3 parts empathy

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

i wonder if one should have expectation of wat one wants in a partner in life. some say tt if u have expectations, u are likely not to find someone u will be happy with. u will tend to compare him/her to the image u have in ur mind. the perfect guy/ girl. however, if u dun have any requirements, how do u know when u have met the right one? wat if u are never able to pinpoint y u feel there's something lacking in the relationship?

sometimes i feel i'm like christina rossetti. u know, always looking for the perfect person, and nvr being happy with wat i have... sometimes i really worry if i will ever find someone i feel completely happy with. after all, there isn something as a perfect person in the world. while they may appear perfect, and everything u could ever want in a person, this self-doubt sometimes crops up, like, "is this person for real? he/she is too good to be true!" or sometimes, tt person may conceal himself/herself so well that u are not even aware of anything until it's probably too late. maybe one would be aware of some undercurrents of inconsistency, but never be able to point exactly to wat it is.

maybe wat grace said is right. when a person is too perfect, u cannot trust him/her. they made themselves out to be perfect. in other words, manufactured. i admire frankness in a person, and i guess i would be disillusioned if someone i was interested in was acty wat he was not made out to be. i'd rather a person just was himself, showing his faults as well as his good points. well... wat's the point of hiding the truth? nothing lies under the carpet for long, coz there will be a spring cleaning one day, and all the dirt under the carpet or any other skeletons one might have in his/her closet will be taken out. no one is able to be such a great actor tt they are able to continuously act the same role their whole life 24/7. it's tiring. and one day, the inner self will threaten to burst out. wat happens then? nobody knows.

i finally found a BEAUTIFUL blogskin!!! hahaa, this is so nice! i love it! hehe...

i hope u can see e pic though, coz it sometimes doesn appear...

been thinking i often give ppl the wrong impression tt i dun wish to mix with them i think... coz i can appear so cold sometimes- at least tt's wat i think... hmm... but the truth of it is, i'm just thinking of other things, or wateva i'm thinking of always like fully consumes my whole attention, so i dun seem to pay attention to wateva is happening around me. it happens ALL the time, i dunno why... it just happens, though i often try to show more enthusiasm when i'm in this kind of mood. i do try to give ppl my attention whenever they speak to me, but sometimes my subconscious takes over and i lapse into tt kind of.... dunno wat u call it.... so, sorry to whoever has felt like tt with me!!!!

anyway, i gtg do work, and likely submerge myself in tt kind of... mindset(?) again... cya!

oh yah, feel free to drop a few lines bout wateva u want on my chatterbox... PLEASE!!!!!!! it's so QUIET!!!!

been thinking of my blogging style, and i've been slowly coming to the realisation that my writing style is somewhat like one of my friends'. goodness! where's my originality?! where's each person's unique individuality?! i've been toying around with the idea of changing my tone, but in whichever way i come up with, i find tt it just sounds so much like her. well, there are exceptions, of course, like those when i was feeling really bad, u know, the ones on peke (hmm, even those sound so much like her)and, not forgetting, the one on the stupid doctor from grace polyclinic....

i tried going to blogskins just now to look for a new skin, but guess wat? i think many ppl are logging into it now, so it took a REALLY long time to get into the site alone. then, when i wanted to log in, there was another long wait. forget it. i shall bear with this skin first. know y i wanna change this? coz there's no way i can put my chatterbox up here! or rather, i dunno how to do it. i only can do it when the skin says, "place your tagboard here". pathetic, aren't i? oh well........

i will try not to sound melancholic in the future. i realise tt's the tone used in my friend's blog. yes. melancholic and wistful with a touch of added mystery. it's nice sometimes, but when one has read it a few times and finds tt it pervades every or most entries, the tone gets rather questionable. oh man. am i sounding condemning? damn... there isn any maliciousness involved... really! i oso think my blog has touches of this kind of melancholy and wistfulness to it tt kinda sounds like i'm writing an essay in primary sch. oh man....

better stop condemning writing styles. i'm going way off tangent, and i'm working myself into a frenzy. hahaha... anyway, i've taken a long enough break from my revision, so cya!

so sian.. back from a bout of giddiness which had something to do with liquid in my middle ear, making my ears ring and affecting my sense of balance... oh man.. i can't even begin to tell u how HORRIBLE it was... it was like being seasick, only this time, i was unable to keep anything inside my stomach. anthing that went in came back.. i was so hungry! and everytime i turned, the world turned along with me. argh! do u know wat tt meant? tt meant giving up watching Harry Potter 3: The Prisoner of Azkaban. we had booked the tickets somemore!!! then i just had to give up my tickets to yi lun's friend. ARGH!!

come to think of it, it's quite funny... one day i woke up feeling fine and dandy, the next dyai woke up feeling like my world was upside down. goodness! it's like tt A*teens song, Upside Down- "Upside Down, bouncing on the ceiling, inside out, stranger to this feeling". tt feeling was a stranger all right...
-_-"

thank god after a jab my world righted itself, and now i'm OK!!!! YAY! and i finally can catch up on my work. coz of this bout of dizziness i almost couldn make it for the SATs, and i missed quite a lot of catching up with my work. Thanks alot to grace for helping me to collect my work! u're a saviour man! =)

anyway, i'm just so thankful that my world is back where it belongs now, tt i feel quite energetic! hahaa.... i'm serious u know... for the first time, i didn sleep in the afternoon... how great is tt? =) hehe... anyway, i gtg already... bye!

SO SIAN!!!! i dun feel like going upstairs to help 'supervise' the workers, coz i can't concentrate on my work upstairs!! nooooooooooo, it's not because of the workers, darlings, it's gotta do with the fengshui or something... haha! =)in case u are wondering, nope, there's no eye-candy upstairs ;)

the whole day, i've been trying to do the gp compre mrs tan gave us, and i STILL haven finished... goodness -_-" hah, jus hope i get to finish a satisfactory amt of work by this wk, otherwise i'm gonna scream....

just realised tt i'm gonna have to cut off contact from cyberspace from sept hols onwards, so tt i will be devoid of temptations... hahaha, this is a repression of my spirit, which is channelled into studying for the IMPORTANT (-_-") exams. hopefully, this repression won't rear its ugly head in grotesque forms, like in the form of, say, violence? hahaa.. ok, i'm lame... forget it.... i'm just tokking rubbish to prolong my stay downstairs, so tt i dun have to go up... feel so out of place there... i'm alone! so boring somemore! hai...

anyway, ther's no putting off the inevitable... gtg, cya'll! =)

tml is GP common test!! ARGH!!! pushed reading thru the materials to now, and i seriously regret it, though i have this nasty suspicion tt i'm gonna repeat the same thing for prelims and As... horrible thought... *shudders*

it's only now tt i realise how much material i didn't read last yr, and man, i think i better constantly read newspapers, though i dunno when i can find time... i know... i'm probably sounding like a busy freak, but i'm serious! i dunno how come i dun have time to read newspapers while everyone around me can. can someone PLEASE tell me?! I'M DESPERATE!!!!

it's ironic, u know, that i find tt i think i can acty do better when i dun read the notes.. they kinda restrict me, but like a typical singaporean, i still feel insecure when i dun read them. argh... haha... it's like the same for the chinese As, when it's like, u know tt it's useless to read thru e chinese words booklet, coz the probability of the words coming out from there is so slim, but u still think u should, in case it does come out. there is tt false sense of security as well... like it works.
-_-" tt's only temporary, i tell u... haha... when u read the question paper, u think, "what the hell did i even waste time reading tt booklet for?!" haha.... oh well, i guess we all need a little security when studying for exams, dun we?

anyway, i gtg liao...
ahaha..... wish me luck for tml! =)

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... holidays are finally here, after 10 weeks!! after sat, i will be FREE!! well, not free exactly, but at least i will be able to wake up later than usual, and HOPEFULLY catch up with my work. haha, goodness knows i'm so far behind in my work.. mrs loh is beginning to get a bad impression of me liao, better buck up...

well, today we had to draw diagrams for econ, and i drew 2 extra diagrams which are totally redundant in the question!! argh! but my argument was somewhat on the right track, just tt mine was the last transparency she put up, so she assumed everything else was just like the previous person's (well, our diagrams were the same... haha.. ) and did not look at my argument... sigh... haha...

nvm... will make my comeback next term, where i will make sure she changes her mind bout me... haha, that is, hopefully, of course, so wish me luck! =) i just hope i do manage to complete my revision in time... =)

hai... not looking forward to the Rossetti essay i'm gonna have to do tonight... it's another troublesom essay! but then again, when have essays never been troublesome? i just have to get it done asap, then i will be able to enjoy tv in peace!!! yay!!!

i just wonder who's gonna win the American Idol tonight. while Fantasia is a great singer, her fan base isnt really as big as Diana's, i think. Diana is cute, but she cannot really sing. well, she can, but last night's performance was not really good. her song last week, "Don't Cry Out Loud", was sensational, but when she sang it last night, it was disappointing. her voice broke a few times due to nerves i think... hmm... it isn easy to be an idol.. u have to please everyone... *looks pensive* i dun really know who i want to win either, coz i like them equally, haha...

i wanna watch so many movies!! was supposed to watch Shrek 2 with yi lun tml, but she has the soccer finals tml.. hai... troy looks good, van helsing too, and of course, can't wait to watch harry potter!!!!!haha... just hope i have enough money to watch them, or is anyone gonna treat me? *bats eyelashes*

Haha... i'm feeling quite smug at the moment, coz i've just completed the most horrible of all essays- the A&C essay!! yay!! haha... i wasnt looking forward to doing it AT ALL, firstly coz i have absolutely ZERO confidence in doing well for it (which reduces my enthusiasm by a significant amount), and secondly coz it's a loooong essay with many aspects. come on! the question was asking for so many things! the question was 'Examine the exact nature of Cleopatra’s “infinite variety”. Is she a great queen or merely a “triple-turned whore”?'. If i really get this kind of question for the A levels, i'm seriously just gonna slam the paper on the table and start bawling... haha... am i making u cringe at tt thought? hehe, it's food for thought, though, coz it just occurred to me how much reading up i have to do just for lit alone, and add to tt math and econ also need an equal amount of attention. OH MAN!!!! HOW DO I LIVE?! to make things worse, while doing the essay just now and planning the Rossetti essay (also another headache one)last night, i realised how much i dunno my texts, especially for Rossetti. argh... i think i should seriously listen to Reynolds, and start reading one Rossetti essay a day... haha...

anyway, just came online to voice all these out, and i thnk i feel SLIGHTLY better... haha, jus tt there's still a mountain of work left... 4 essay outlines for GP to do, a DR for econ, and math assignment!!!! ARGH!!! HELP!!!

i miss peke, but i think i've got over the sadness... it's just that whenever i think about his last moments, tears just come into my eyes and i will feel like crying. perhaps it seems like i am over-reacting, but well, all i can say is, watever. i dun really expect others to understand (hmm... no offenses intended), coz this is like something one has to experience to feel the real pain. imagining it is usually not enough, not unless u acty have a great imagination....

anyway, i just realised tt the reason y my proposal for cip at the library hasn been approved yet. the tr in charge nvre even received the modified proposal! oh man! i just hope the letter from nlb to the school was received and kept properly, otherwise i'll just sit down on the floor in the middle of the foyer in school and bawl my eyes out!!! coz tt would mean that i have to make another 2 or more trips down to the library to find e person in charge and get her to write a letter again and THEN go down and collect it again. and from the timetable, when can i do tt?!

argh... just sounding so pitiful now... haha... indulge me... =)

anyway, THANKS to ALVIN my cousin!!! THANK U THANK U THANK U!! haha... without his help, i think i'd still not be able to modify the stupid thing...

ARGH!! u know wat?! just as i was thanking alvin and going over the moon with the fact tt i am finally able to modify the proposal, there was a BROWSER ERROR. can u believe my luck?! to do all these and have tt?!

WATEVER.

feel like gg to mrs yoong again tml and telling her bout it again. argh. i wanna get this thing done and over with! my cip hours are still at 11.5 hours, and it's getting kinda too late to start signing up for cips to boost my hours.....

God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You

Yeah....
Oh yes
Ohhh..yeah..
Can this be true?
Tell me, can this be real?
How can I put into words what I feel?
My life was complete
I thought I was whole
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?
I never thought that love could feel like this
and you've changed my world with just one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me
there's an angel?
It's a miracle...


Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time
On you...
(A little more time, yes he did baby)


In all of creation
All things great and small
You are the one that surpasses them all
More precious than
Any diamond or pearl
They broke the mold
When you came in this world
And I'm trying hard to figure out
Just how I ever did without
The warmth of your smile
The heart of a child
That's deep inside
Leaves me purified

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep (and deep)
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must of spent...
A little more time
On you...
(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) ohhh...
(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) yeah...

Never thought that love could feel like this
and you changed my world with just one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me
There's an angel?
It's a miracle...

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep (peaceful and deep)
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must of spent...
A little more time
On you...
(on you, on you, on you, you..)
God must of spent...
A little more time
on you
(on you, on you..you....you..oooh..yeah)
A little more time
on you...ohhh


thank you, peke

been thinking of peke the whole day today. i was just thinking bout all the things he did, the silly antics he always came up with, and how he always managed to charm all of us into sneaking food to him.

i remember the time when i dropped a cube of ice on the kitchen floor. being the greedy dog he was, he rushed towards it, trying to get it into his mouth. alas! it was too cold and slippery, and it came out of his mouth again. he tried again and again, at different angles, but to no avail. it seemed like he was developing strategies to get the ice cube, coz he kept trying to catch it 'off-guard'.

i remember how he always looked when we brought him downstairs for his walks. he was always so excited, rushing around us like trying to make us go faster, the bliss on his face as he relieved himself, and the way he looked like a little furry ball jumping among the tall grass.

i remember how he always went into hiding under the table whenever he committed a 'crime'. he would hide under and refuse to come out. papa used to use food to tempt him to come out so tt he could teach him a lesson, and it worked a few times, until one day, it didn work anymore. how we all laughed to see that! peke was really very smart. he learnt things fast. he tried to escape punishments, but somehow, he always nvr escaped. it's so sad. but he had a forgiving nature. though papa always whacked him, he nvr stopped trying to get close to him.

now, i look at all the markings on the marble floor in my house, and i remember how he vomitted on them. they are the marks left behind by him.

we used to scold him for committing ' crimes', but we nvr ever meant it. they were all said and done, and things were forgotten the next moment. isn this like family? we may quarrel and fight, but at the end of the day, our ties still hold us together. this is the same for peke. he's family.

peke died just now.

no. he didn die. he passed away. there is a difference btw dying and passing away. dying sounds undignified and dying without any loved ones and not peacefully. passing away sounds nicer, and more peaceful. at least, we hope it was peaceful.

he died of kidney failure. it was at the last stage, and all i wanna do is to kick myself for not stroking him more, for not paying more attention to him, for not taking photos or videos with him. u see, i assumed. i assumed he was gonna stay for a long long time. i thot he would nvr die. u see, i made an ass out of u and me.

he lost a lot of weight. drastically. we all thot it was just fussiness on his part. he wasnt active. we thot he was just being proud. we were wrong. he was sick. he started vomitting blood, and we all thot it was just temporary. how wrong we were.

i know it's too late to blame anyone, but i think it's pedigree's fault. u know why? the plant in thailand was found to have mould on the food. and the vet immediately asked my sis if she had heard about the pedigree case.

anyway, it's too late. we must learn from our lesson.

peke was losing temperature and weight fast. his liver was gg down, and his kidneys were spoiled. i just wish we could have brought him to the vet more regularly. see! this just shows we can't take the people around us for granted. yes, i treat peke as a human. he has human characteristics. just tt he can't tok. so wat? he's much more sensible and generous than we can ever imagine. he was there when i needed a shoukder to cry on, he was there when i had problems, he has been there for me thru these 8 yrs. but i think the one who should feel the saddest is evon.

she did the most for him. she cared for him when he was sick. she prepared food for him when food ran out. she bathed him when he became smelly. she was like his mother, more than any of us. i think, peke trusted her the most, and tt he knew she already did her best by him. she was the one who was unselfish enough to persuade papa to go to the vet. she knew it was time to let him go.

i was selfish. i hid behind a wall of self-delusion, thinking tt as long as peke wasnt sent to the vet, he would be ok. i wanted him alive because i didn want to be sad. evon wanted him to pass on simply because she loved him.

"If you love someone, set him free". that's wat she did. it's the hardest thing anyone can do, to let go of a loved one just so he/she will be better off. i admire that. though she's younger than me, i do have to learn tt from her.

evon, i'm proud of u.

peke, always remember that u are the best friend and brother anyone could have. i hope u will be happy wherever u are, away from ur pain already, and that always remember that we will love u and remember u. be happy.

haha... went for the sea carnival heats today. it was quite fun acty, with like bout 1/3 of our class taking part... haha... we took part in the dragonboating, together with A05. though we lost, it was a good experience, and good training for my left arm, which has been lying dormant. hee...=)quite fun too, acty.. ;)

hehe, we saw yummy in yummy clothes! heh, jun and hurul didn believe how yummy yummy was until they saw him like tt. heh,they were like, "whoa, yummy is really yummy". haha... he can join manhunt u know, got the physique, and i hear the character as well. haha... =)

there was one thing though. i feel rather bad bout the relay thing. u see, i knew we had to paddle to the shore, but when we reached the orange balls, i saw ppl like turning lidat, so i turned. it didn occur to me tt they were just probably losing control of the boat. DAMN! then we were disqualified. my teammates (grace, hurul, jas, jun, and jiun pey) weren't upset with me, but i still feel tt i let them down. can u imagine?! first person to do the relay and b4 anyone else could get the chance to kayak, i spoilt it for them. argh. anyway, they said dun think bout it, but i gotta get it out of my chest. after this, chapter closed. dun be a follower anymore. argh. look where tt got me.

but there's safety in numbers, u know? like when there are many ppl doing something, u somehow feel as if u are doing e right thing, and u are not as scared to do it anymore? yep, tt prob explains y i'm often more of a follower than a leader. trying to develop more character for myself, though i think it's quite hard. the hardest thing anyone can do is to change one's natural instincts and character.

wat am i doing here? hai... i should be reading thru the econ, but i dun seem to have anymore energy. haha... i just wanna sleep! should i watch american idol? they are now down to the top 4. personally, i think jasmine trias should have been out long ago, instead of geroge huff. just coz of one performance, the contestants get kicked out? tt happened with jennifer hudson. u can't say she hasn got talent. look at the uproar her elimination caused! fantasia even said, "you are MY American Idol!!" ah well, i guess it's fate. some things just cant be forced. jus like i have to face the fact tt i have to go read econ now. argh.

the price of rationality.

insanity.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i can't stand it anymore!!! hate hate hate hate doing homework!!!!!stupid stupid!!!! i'm soooo friggin sleepy now!!!!!!!! but if i dun do these stupid stories, i'm gonna have to rush thru them tml, and there's econ case studies!! there's so much to read thru and she wants it done by thurs?! wat madness is tt? is there even like 48 hours in a day?! if there is SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME, cos i'm DYING here!!!! but anyway, even if there was, most of the time would AGAIN be taken over by hw. wats so damn new?! school would take up like 12 hrs, bout 1/4 of our friggin time. argh!!!!! i need to revise my maths!!!!! it's so cock up now lor....

heh... i sound like i'm on the verge of throwing everything around eh? well, i cant though, coz everything's so heavy, and i'm still too rational to do tt. i think tt;s wat i am. too rational. tt's y i seem to have such control over my behaviour. but sometimes it just gets so hard to hold on to tt rationality, i just wanna snap. on the other hand, my rationality would step in and tell me tt if i do tt, the consequences are gonna be ugly, so i dun do it. ironic, isn it? one moment i'm gonna snap, and the next my rationality takes over. i dun really know wat i am... so full of contradictions... haha...

it's not tt i had a bad day today.. serious! in fact, other than the weather, my day has been fine. napfa went according to wat i had planned- got a silver, which i started aiming for ever since my 2.4 got a D... and my sit and reach and shuttle run were better than i expected.... =) guess it was just some little spontaneous little burst of frustration just now, coupled with the wonderful little nagging conscience that i haven put in much effort for my SAT and GP, the subjects tt need my attention at the moment. WONDERFUL! just wat i need to spice my life up. a guilty conscience. over GP and SAT. after doing the GP quiz.

our lives are just so bloody intertwined around work, school, bloody scholarships and climbing up to the tallest ladders of our careers, only to act as baits for other ppl to pull down. is this wat life is? if so, i might as well go be a nun. argh.

we just went thru this poem in Lit today. i kinda like it, though i can't esactly put my finger as to why i like it. maybe coz the tone of it is so elusive? as in one can read it as a love poem , but in a way, it can read as a poem of defiance to the people of the poet's time. u see, this poem was written at a time when there was a rift btw the Protestants and the cavaliers. the Protestants believed in not having a monarchy, while the cavaliers supported the King. this guy, Richard Lovelace, was one such cavalier, and he got thrown into prison because he was singing the praises of the king. well... hope it's enough background for u to read it! =)

Song, to Althea, from Prison

When Love with unconfined wings
Hovers within my gates,
And my divine Althea brings
To whisper at the grates;
When I live tangled in her hair,
And fetter'd to her eye,
the gods that wanton in the air
Know no such liberty.

When flowing cups runs swiftly round
With no allaying Thames, Our careless heads with roses bound,
Our hearts with loyal flames;
When thirsty grief in wine we steep,
When healths and draughts go free,
Fishes that tipple in the deep
Know no such liberty.

When like committed linnets, I
With shrill throat shall sing
The sweetness, mercy, majesty
And glories of my king;
When I shall voice aloud how good
He is, how great should be;
Enlarged wings that curl the flood
Know no such liberty.

Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage;
Minds innocent and quiet take
That for a hermitage;
If i have freedom in my love,
And in my sould am free,
Angels alone that soar above
Enjoy such liberty.

Richard Lovelace, (1618-1657)

AFFIRMATION - Savage Garden:

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument,
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands.
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you,
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do.
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem,
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone.

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned,
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned.
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side,
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality,
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy.
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul,
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold.
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair,
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires.

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned,
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned.
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side,
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness,
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed.
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists,
I believe in love surviving death into eternity.

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned,
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned.
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side,
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.

Oh. My. God. just went to watch Passion of the Christ just now with Xinyi. been wanting to watch tt movie for a loooong time, and had a hard time persuading my parents to let me go.... oooh, it blew me away! contrary to wat xinyi thinks about it (DUN believe wat she says. hers is a biased account, because she is scared of gore... hee... )

it was full of blood and violence, yes, but it was also touching. i'm seldom touched by all these, and i NEVER cry at cinemas, but this time, the scenes got to me. yep, i cried at the violence parts, coz it was just too painful. it was the same as watching it first-hand, u know? like u were a witness there. anyway, the violence tt Jesus went thru is simply unbearable for humans, and he showed great strength in going thru with all of it. do u know, they whipped him, not only with canes of different thickness, but also these rod-like things with tiny hooks chained onto them. when they are used to whack a person, these hooks will claw e victim's flesh. tt happened to Jesus, and there was an instant when the hooks got caught in his flesh. the guy just pulled it out mercilessly, and he was at an angle tt would PULL OUT the most flesh. OH MAN! just watching it made me cry. no, i didn just bawl my eyes out on the spot like SOMEBODY expected me to do... tears just rolled out... the soldiers were enjoying every single torturous minute of it. when blood splashed onto their faces, they laughed with satisfaction and happiness. should i say with a sort of orgasmic glee? i swear, it was like they were obtaining some sort opf pleasure (bordering on sexual) with all the shouts and satisfaction u could hear from them.

another time when i cried was when Jesus could not stand the weight of the corss anymore and fell down. his mother was nearby, and tt reminded her of a time during his childhood when he had fallen down and she had rushed to him in the same way she was rushing to him at that moment. only this time, there was no way she could cradle him in her arms and comfort him. this time, there is no consolation, only the fact tt Jesus knew wat he was doing was to clear the sins of the people. even then, when he said, "Look, Mama, I'm making them all new again" it was just so heart wrenching! there was this childlike innocence in that sentence alone, that hope that everything would be all right again, once he had goen thru his trials.

the heart-wrenching parts didn end there. there was another one when the soldiers were hammering the nails into Jesus. You could really hear the bones in Jesus' palms and ankle breaking, and the blood was spurting everywhere. one doesn have to acty experience it to know the pain. u just have to look. the worst thing was, the soldiers enjoyed it. you could see from the grins on their faces, the laughs they were having, and the sneers that were on their faces when they were nailing Jesus. one of them even deliberately pulled Jesus' arm towards a point tt was impossible to reach, and in the end, the arm was pulled out of its socket. tok about malice and sadism. they absolutely ENJOYED torturing. it was just so...... so pititful and... sad, the way Jesus was tortured by them...i know... sad is too general a term to describe this, but it's like, i can't seem to find any other words to describe this.

now i really understand y in Angela Carter's "Peter and the Wolf", Peter always lashed himself on Good Friday. it was to clear his sins and to experience the same kind of pain Jesus went thru, to remind himself of the ordeal god went thru to salvage the ppl.

however, while the movie let us feel the pain and humiliation Jesus went thru, there was not really much feeling of his love for his people, despite his repeated cries of anguish, telling God, his Father, "Father, forgive them! They do not know what they are doing!". although this was supposed to demonstrate God's benevolent and generous love, there was no feeling coming thru. in the aftermath of the movie, that is wat i realised about it. perhaps tt was y the movie did not get the full 5 stars from LIFE!.

despite the above criticism, i still feel this movie is worth watching, whether one is a Christian or not. i'm not a christian, but i enjoyed the movie. i found it v touching and... in a way, it reaches the hearts of viewers thru the violence and gore of the scenes.

oh my god!! i feel SOOOOOOOOOO guilty!!! i just kicked my dog in the eye!!! goodness.... there's already something wrong with his eye and i JUST had to kick it... but well... not say i want to say lar, but i just say lar, it's not really my fault lor.. the whole livning room and corridor was so dark, and he usually stays under the dining table, how would i know he was lying in the middle of the corridor? then again, i could have switched on the lights, couldn i? well.... soemthing was telling me to switch on the lights, but it was just PLAIN LAZINESS on my part... -_-" have u ever experienced something like this? like something telling u to do something, but u ignore it, but when tt thing really happens, u go," aiyah! i should have done this! something was telling me to do this!!!" well, yah, it ALWAYS happens to me, and i ALWAYS never learn from it, coz the feeling is so absurd. talk about having a sixth sense and not using it. -_-"

getting worried about peke though. he hasn been eating much, but he has been vomitting alot. some of his vomits are dark brown. my sis says he even vomitted blood once. oh man.... to add on to this, he still can afford to be fussy! we gave him meat mixed with rice, and he ONLY ATE THE MEAT, leaving behind the rice! if there's any fussier eater, it's peke. he's already skin and bones (and yah, fur), and yet he still chooses his food?! come on! we are trying to help him!! does he appreciate it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *shakes head vehemently*

well, yah, tt's abt it... alot more things i'd love to blog here, but looking at the time........ it doesn't permit me to do so. still have to decipher Poe's 3 stories, and write a log abt them, and do their post tut for last wk. thank god less than one story was discussed... hehe... =)

hai... been trying to read the next 4 stories of angela carter (The Snow Child, Black Venus, The Kiss and The Cabinet of Edgar Allan Poe), and the end result is an increase in the degree of shortsighted-ness of my eyes. Goodness! these 4 are the worst stories i have seen so far in anela carter. not the worst, acty, but the most inaccessible. i have no idea wat she is talking about in the stories, so how am i gonna do the log for this?! worse still, NOBODY has any idea which group of stories we are doing tml- our group or fahmy, mastura, ida and diyah's group. -_-" this means tt instead of doing 4 stories, we have to prepare 8. GOODNESS!!!! while i agree that doing e 8 stories means i wun have to do log next wk, the thing is, this is TORTURE!!! i'm running dry of things to glean from the stories. well, not running dry exactly, but mentally exhausted. my brain feels like switching channels now to perhaps other things... haha...

anyway, i can't get stacie oricco's song I Promise out of my head... so i shall post the lyrics here... this song is so nice!! nope, i wun do an analysis or explanation of the song. haha....

I Promise – Stacie Oricco

Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to, to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I take tender tender care of you?
Take your darkest night and make it bright for you
Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?
When this world has turned so cold
Will I be the one that's there to hold?

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Yeah
And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I'll be there for you (there for you)
I promise

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

And I promise (and I promise)
I promise (oh I promise you)
I will be there when you call me (when you call me)
I promise (I promise)
I promise I will

Oh man!!! just read the forum from start to finish- u know, the one about sportsmen having no place in the college? goodness, there must be some kind of record in the amount of response it generated within 2 days! though ultimately the glenn episode blew away. i must say, those who apologised on the forum should be commended. it's not always easy to apologize in front of a large audience, whether in front of a REAL audience or a virtual one. personally, when i read glenn's first post, and the subsequent few ones, i was seriously shocked. there were no personal insults directed at anyone prior to his posts. there was no feeling of insults at the choir or the band. there was mainly just grievances. while i felt tt glenn's love for choir and his 'surroundings' are rather noble and worthy of commendation, i think his personal attacks were seriously uncalled for. giving derogatory names to sportspeople and the natural body fluids that come out after workouts ("sodium chloride") was not necessary in his "crusade" for his and choir's rights...

it was truly exciting to read those posts. i suggest u all go and read it before it is taken down. at least FINALLY there is something tt tpjcians care about, that we are not as bo chap as ppl think we are.

hehe, while reading all the posts, i acty wanted to post all these up, but thot, since the matter bout glenn is closed, y dig it up again? so my current views bout tt particular topic on the forum are rather out-dated. haha... =)

anyway, there was nothing aimed at band or choir ppl in this post. i was just... well... just expressing my views about the forum generally, nth bout e funding and stuff. think e choir and band have worked their *coughs delicately* asses of these past months, and hope their concert will be a great success on sun man... =)

been too tired to blog lately.. haha... wed and thurs are my worst days of the week, but the day i dun look forward to the most is tues, when there's triple period free break and then econ and double period math and pe... oooh... horror of horrors!! haha... sounds exaggerated i know, and perhaps it was lar. i have nothing against double period maths acty, but i do have something against the weather. hee... somehow, i think the usual classroom in which we have our double period maths lesson is v stifling. it's not like other classrooms where there's a feeling of spaciousness. in tt room, i feel suffocated and cramped in, and it subsequently gets me into an irritable mood. add tt to my irritation of being unable to catch up with the questions mrs neo is doing, tt's like making me feel worse. luckily jie ting managed to persuade mrs neo to book the aircon rooms, where it's not only cooling, but also spacious. =) thanx jie ting!

i'm so happy!!! i finally got ear phones!! it wasnt $9.90 as evon said, but it was $12.90. oh well, it's cheaper than the one i wanted to get initially anyway- $16, and it's so nice! though i did say i didn wan the one tt needs to be plugged into the ears, i found i couldn resist these ear phones. =) =) haha...

ah well... finally the weekend again!!! love fridays! it means i have the whole 2 days stretched out in front of me!! haha, jus tt i dun think this weekend will be v productive, besides the fact tt i'm gonna discuss the carter stories with chyau inn, jiun pey and tabbi tml. other than tt, my weekend is gonna be spent slacking!!! there's the concert on sunday, and i think i wun have e heart to study or do anything on sun... haha.... and the irritating thing is tt i dun have any bottoms to wear!! i'd meant to wear a skirt, but haven had time to buy it, so i guess i'll be wearing jeans....? or another pair of trousers which i HOPE i can fit into.... *crosses fingers* do u think the esplanade ppl will let me in with jeans? i reaaaaally hope so!!!

anyway, i gotta get back to reality already.. do my lit.... argh..

haha... I FOUND THE BOOK!!!!!!! well... not me lar, but my maid. not tt i haven been putting in an effort (LOTS of it!) to find it (i searched my room and my sister's room and my parents' room k... i even lifted up the beds!), but it jus didn wan to appear! i searched the place my maid said she had found it- in my movable trolley shelf in the living room; i even took out everything and shook out the files, but to no avail. she said she was just as surprised to finally see it there as well, as she had gone thru them before! oh my god... this thing ALWAYS happens to me! it's like when i was frantically looking for it, there was a veil over my eyes, preventing me from seeing it! argh!!! and i'm serious about going thru tt file where it was found! i even filed up the things inside!!! goodness... there's something going on.... *looks around cautiously*

oh! i found this cool post-it website! u just download it, and now there's a post-it pad on ur computer! for those whose comps are perpetually on 24/7, it's convenient! there are so many merits to it:
1. paper can be saved
2. money can be saved from buying the real post-its
3. the post-its come with alarms
4. u can change the fonts, font colour of ur notes
5. pictures can be inserted so tt u will like looking at wateva notes u have made for urselves!

of course, the only drawback i found with it is tt the alarm doesn't sound when the computer is switched off. not like handphones, where the alram still sounds even when they are switched off...

all in all, though, i love it! haha...

oh yah, here's a note: edison did not invent the telephone.... it was alexander graham bell! hehe... can't believe i've been living under this misconception for so many months! go on..... make fun of me.... haha... =)

diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie!!!!!!!!i have this NASTY feeling tt i have lost the Love Matters book!!! oh man!!!!!! i have gone thru my whole house, jus short of turning over the mattress in my parents' room....

ohhhhhhhhhhh...................... mrs neo is gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mad!!! wat am i gonna do?!

anyone wants to start a fund for my funeral next week? arrange a grand one for me k?

argh! wait till i tell you bout my HORRIBLE trip to the doctor's yesterday. oh man! this is the ABSOLUTE WORST doctor i've EVER seen!!!

first of all, he laughed at me when i said i have a "prolonged sore throat". is there anything funny about tt? from tt time onwards, he treated me as some moronic imbecile who couldn do ANYTHING, and that i was jus there for an MC, which i wasn. which person in their right mind would travel all the way to katong just to spend $40 freaking dollars on a one day MC?! if i had wanted an MC, i could have juz gone to bedok polyclinic today. DUH!

next, he said he couldn see nor feel anything from my throat. which meant, he thot he was calling my bluff (which he wasn, btw). then, when my father and i kept insisting tt i had sore throat, he told me to go for a urine test to see if i had dengue. he JUST had to say "but u look too healthy to have dengue". OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! DUN I KNOW TT FACT?! anyway, i jus went. by tt time, i was soooooo fed up with him, i couldn care a whit wat opinion he had of me. i jus couldn be bothered to be polite anymore.

he said there was nothing wrong with my urine-which, i might add, was a stupid and redundant statement, coz i know it myself. dun i know e symptoms of dengue? -_-" finally he said in this condescending tone, "So u wan and MC not?" i flatly told him no, but tt i would need an MC from PE next week, jus in case i am not able to recover in time to do PE. He immediately laughed in tt sickening way of his and said, "Why do u need an MC form PE? Wat do u do for PE?" i said we did running, and i had asthma. he said, " u dun like running is it?" when e thing is, i dun have anything against running, though i know i always grumble about it. i said, " no, i dun have anything aghainst running, but i have asthma, so i dunno if i would be in a condition to run or do anything strenous next week." he asked wat medicine i take for asthma, and i told him the usual medicine: Ventolin Inhaler. he immediately looked a t me like i was crazy and said, " Ventolin inhaler?! you must be out of your mind to still use ventolin! vebtolin is rubbish, it's archaic!"

oh well, pardon me for even saying it! doesn like everyone who has asthma use ventolin inhaler?!

he then went on to praise this new asthmatic drug, and continued demeaning ventolin. oh! i got the message all right, and so did my father. anyway, my father asked for the price of the medicine, and he said,"$110". well, my father couldn hear it coz the oh-so-great-holier than thou doctor was mumbling into his paper. when he repeated it again, he JUST had to add in the next satement,"why? cannot afford it ah?" WHAT IS HIS FRIGGING PROBLEM?! couldn he jus have shut his big mouth and gone on to do his own job?

oh, and may i add tt he does not dress in any way like a doctor? he looks like some styupid quack who trained in some rural area of the world and came to work in singapore. he was dressed in this oversized button down shirt and a pair of hipster pants the tailor-made kinda style. this ensemble, on him, looks like he goes to the Salvation Army to get his clothes, and they only had them in 2 sizes too big for him. to make matters worse, he was wearing socks with, get this, slippers. all in all, he looked like he was gonna have a slumber party at the clinic. oh, and he's not in his twenties. he's in his fifties.

i guess i might sound cruel, but i dun feel like being kind to this kind of jerk who's so holier than thou. ARGH!

there's something tt bugs me though. wat if there's nothing wrong with me in actual fact? mebbe all this is just part of my imagination?! oh my god. does this mean i'm a schizophrenic? or having some kind of psychological problem where i imagine i actually have a sickness when i dun have?!

i must admit, albeit grudgingly, tt i have since begun to show some signs of recovery after yesterday. for starters, my sore throat is almost gone now, and my cough, thanks (but i wish was a no thanks) to his great recommendation *rolls eyes*. let's hope tt this great doctor has some redeeming qualities.

might i add tt i will be incredibly reluctant to go to this same clinic EVER AGAIN?

oh! it's the Good Friday Resolution. paiseh... hahah...

hehe... so far, i have kept to my good friday resolution (or was it the tues resolution? anyway, it's the weekend hw thing), and it's such a good feeling to begin the week knowing i have completed the hw needed for the rest of the week.

well... i jus have this little exception to make: Lit. oh yes... tt is time consuming.. i managed to finish my pre tutorial notes for A&C, but the post is still sadly waaaaaaay behind. oh gosh. and now (oops, grammatical error) congratulations!!!!! i have angela carter log to do, and i have this nasty feeling tt poe is due by thurs as well.

oh man! i guess i should have made one little clause in my resolution, saying tt all hw except lit log bks have to be done by the weekend. however, i should take e responsibility i guess. i usually jus scribble down the post tut notes in pencil, so tt it all accumulates and i have to change it all to pen at one shot. welll...... can't really say anything in my defense i guess, coz it's e same reason: i usually dun have time to immediately change them to pen tt same night. i usually have other things tt demand my attention. and log books... well, they can afford to wait, coz they aren't usually collected... hehe.... lazy me...

so wat am i doing here now? let me give u another lame excuse. i'm waiting for my liquid paper to dry. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! shocked? well yah. tt's my typical excuse to go skive off somewhere when my heart's not in my work.

i wanna sleep!!!!! jus now come home i was watching my sis exhibiting her class tee, which is quite cool btw- it's a black hooded shirt (custom-made) with a heartbeat design across the chest, and the slogan "simplicity=style" below it. behind is the class: FLOUR. yep, it's 4L, but e class was sick of calling themselves "four elle" as all their seniors have done, so they decided to go with "FLOUR". v unprecedented, eh?- well, it was rather cool, if i do say so myself. oh, the words "FLOUR" are white and horizontally across the back, and the heartbeat is made up of two lines, one yellow one orange. the words "simplicity=style" are orange. cool rite? i would put a pic up, but i have to figure out how to do it first... haha... oh yah, dun ask me to analyse the meaning of the heartbeat for u, it's a long story... haha... anyway, guess it's quite obvious to guess, rite? all the members of the class share one heartbeat= unity!!!!!! haha...

ok, better get off... my father is walking in the living room, wanting to switch on the tv. if he notices i'm still at the comp, he's bound to nag again. hahha... so....
TATA!!!!

oh btw alvin, not tt i dao ur sms ah... i was making good on my new resolution of keeping myself in tune with the current affairs... u know, bonding.... feel the peace................................................. oh. and terror.

;)

thanx for ur concern ppl! =) body ache's gone, but e throat is doing a good job of replacing e aching joints and body.. -_-" and headache too... argh... hehe, perhaps i sound a tad self-pitying here... well....... I AM!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.... humour e invalid will u? ;)

i mus say though, e two days' absence from school was rather nice... though i DID NOT DO A SINGLE CONSTRUCTIVE THING WITH MY LIFE... jus slept and read storybooks and slept again... hehe... sadly, didn get weight... perhaps a little tummy? hee.. not telling.... =) anyway, dun get e wrong idea. the storybooks are not even my lit texts, though my conscience kept pricking me. i doubt those books i read would even be counted as classics, now or in the future. let's leave it tt i like to read mindless supermarket romance novels... hehe... =) well... they dun require much thinking... haha....

yesterday, mr reynolds' lecture got to me i think. seriously. i began seriously thinking and worrying bout gp already. i'll admit, i was kinda complacent b4, but still a little worried. i was procrastinating. however, after his lecture yesterday, i realised e A i wan for gp will NOT come my way unless i start working for it. HARD. well... let's make this my fri resolution: keep myself up to date with current affairs. well, i guess this is one reason y i dun do spectacularly well in my AQ. i have NO VIEWS. well. this ought to wake me up.

well... it better, coz i have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach tt A levels will be tough. and they are coming very soon. yep, coming to the schools near u. stay tuned. k.. tt was lame, but my point is, As are coming soon... so i better buck up... and so do all of u!!! =) anyway, if i wanna make good on all my resolutions, i better shut up now and go act on it. good bye!

SUCKS. JUST had to fall sick overnight, didn i? this is worse than other flus i've ever gotten... seldom got a fever when i have flu, but this time was 38.2 deg...body aching, joints aching, sore throat so sickening tt when i swallow, pain shoots to the back of my head. doesn help to know tt my neck is painful and i've got a groggy head. i jus wonder if i should go to school tml or not. one thing tt sticks out like a bloody sore thumb in my schedule tml is tt briefing for college day. if i didn have to go for tt, to hell with sch tml. i'm still being separated in half- one half in this universe, the other in some groggy and thick as glue atmosphere. am i making sense? hope so. one thing i'm not sure bout though. if i dun go to sch tml, do e trs expect ANOTHER MC from me? goodness, i dun have so much money and time to go see doc again u know... the trip there today made me so tired...

speaking of tiredness, i've been sleeping the day away, so... nope, didn manage to complete a&c log or catch up with vectors or do any life-changing activities. jus slept.... and slept... and slept.....

which reminds me... i missed the heats for 100m today.... tt wasn on purpose... acty, there's half of me tt wants to go, but another half is scared of embarrassing myself... hehe... tt's self-conscious me... but partly, it's coz i can't let go of the past. i guess the two parts of me regarding my feelings bout joining e 100m is because of the past. i took part in the same race 5 yrs ago (yah, a bit long i know... ), and i took part in the heats. only, jus when i was gonna take the lead, i fell. and it was in front of like, a quarter of the school. tt's not e bad part- well, not the worst, anyway- i was bleeding like crazy, and the wounds didn heal properly. i still have scars on my legs and elbows. didn like e pus tt came out of them a few days later too.. eeew... for the next few months, everytime i closed my eyes, i could picture myself falling down on the track, in different scenarios. for the years after, whenever i race on the track (the 12x100 and my sec sch's 20x100), i am always scared hist will repeat itself. now u know why i always say i'm scared whenever i run in races?

so this race was to sort of rewrite hist again, make up for what happened then. guess it's fate tt i didn go after all. well, things happen for a reason, dun they?

ah well... feel better after venting my thots here.. haha, mebbe i'll go rest my poor poor bones now... hopefully i'll go back to sch tml... but i feel soooooooooooooo tired!!! nope, more of exhausted i guess... *shrugs* same lar... yep, so see u all if i see u tml!
=)

hehe... got a pleasant surprise jus now when i visited my blog! there are messages!!! haha... lurve reading msgs. well, i should add, i LURVE reading any kind of msgs. particularly letters and loooooong email letters. hehe... so, feel free to email or write to me anytime u feel like it k? i'll reply!!!! haha...

xue fang jus reminded me of a VERY unpleasant fact: MATHS!!!! oh man...been living in a world of econ and lit so long, i've like neglected my math... oh well, hope tt is gonna be rectified soon, since training has been cut down to once a week.... but i still have to make sure tt i dun waste my time or escape to the cyberworld. ahem *coughs delicately* ... like now. *blush*

anyway, i think i better go already. hurul jus taught me how to put music on my blog, and i'm quite eager to try it out. therefore, i shall end now and try to put music inside... wish me luck!!! =)

juz trying....

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear. What Kind Of Coffee Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

haha... can't resist taking quizzes, they are so fun! =) leave any comments u have on my chatterbox, k? =)

You are Barefoot! You're a total free spirit, go with the flow girl You can't be restricted by shoes for very long And unsuprisingly, the same goes for men Your match is out there - and he's as carefree as you are What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

hihi... heh, am escaping reality right now by losing myself in the world of blogging... i'm SO not looking forward to starting my hw... mebbe tt's y i'm so backward in all my econ hw. i'm now like doing it one day at a time, and i must tell u, this kind of pace is v terrible. i should seriously just finish all my hw during the weekends so i can have more breathing space during weekdays and have more time to do other things during the free periods. yeah, right. like i'm gonna have enough willpower to do tt. well, juz like my tues resolution last month, i'm going to try to make this a Good Friday resolution: to finish all my hw by weekends. esp A&C. oh man, i can't tell u enough about the horrible stress i always get on weds... hehe....

A&C is fun, but draining. Shakespeare is kinda cool acty. who else can make so many insinuations using hunting metaphors and the usage of other kinds of comparisons to put forth his point? tt's y i think literary people are v smart ppl. dun ever say only scientists are the truly brainy ppl. writers and other ppl who belong in the arts world are brainy too, u know, juz tt it's presented in a different way. eccentric, mebbe, but brainy all the same. just look at their play with words. oh man! to have such ability!

to tell u e truth, i'm kinda sick of looking at lit and econ already. those are the 2 subj i face like, EVERYDAY!!! oh well, guess i can't compare myself to the hist students, who have to MAKE HIST THEIR LIFE, but i guess everyone has their own probs. We can't say the Sci ppl have it any easier juz coz they write fewer essays than us or their work is jus less subjective than ours. guess they oso have their own probs in tackling the sciences. hehe...

ok, gotta wake up from self-denial mode. have to call grace at 1130 to discuss the econ allocation of qns, so i better try to get some work done first... hehe... sorry for the late allocation ppl!!!!

HOMEWORK, HERE I COME!!!! =D

WE WON TODAY!!!! haha... the score was 2-0... and well, though we are not in the next round, at least we aren't the loser of the group... =) we almost had to play the third set (which everyone was NOT looking forward to), and the last set ended with 25-22 i think... guess the score shouldn have been lidat, but well, guess we were still overwhelmed by the fact tt we had won the first set... =)

the guys won rjc as well... 2-1, which i guess everyone will admit, was a surprise. the guys were already planning to anyhow play the game, and get yellow and red cards, coz they felt the game was a lost cause and they had nvr gotten any of those coloured cards in their vb careers anyway... haha... the ironic thing was tt, tpjc didn gewt awarded a yellow card, but rjc did, coz zhang yuan called for a timeout when he wasn't supposed to (coz he's not the coach)... oh well... juz glad tt we won... =)

hehe... so embarrassing jus now... almost went up to some rj guy and said hello to him... hahaha!!! coz he looked like my pri sch friend from where i was during the match mah, and i thot of gg over to say hi. luckily i didn, coz it was e wrong person... hehe... realised tt they have the same features FROM FAR, but nearer, tt guy looked like a nerd.. .hee.... can u imagine how embarrassing it would have been?! eew!!!!!!

hee... guess everyone can tell i'm in a good mood now eh? hehe... tml is good fri, so NO NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!! added to today's victory... haha.... i'm not only on cloud nine, i'm in HEAVEN!!!! haha...

a little dark cloud though... jus registered for SAT today, and now i have to face the fact tt i have to put in more effort to study for this this time!! otherwise $81.90 will be wasted. again. tt means more intensive studying for SAT words and (god knows how to revise it) maths... OK!!! i admit i juz glanced thru the words last yr.... hehe... deserve it i guess...juz hope i can make improvements this yr... aaah!!!!

juz remembered i had one philosophical thing to say... but, i forgot...
how wonderful. -_____-"

nope... dun suppose it did... lemme try on my template.... cross ur fingers!!!

hehe... juz trying out something hurul taught me... dunno whether it can appear here in the entries or not... wait....

http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/ngs4_3018.jpg?

hehe... got rid of my prev tagboard yesterday.. giving me so many problems.. now changed to this chatterbox.. hope it'll be better! =) this chatterbox website is quite nice... there are puzzles tt can be put on my blog.. but when i tried putting it in, it turned out tt e puzzles were e main focus of the blog, not my entries... hai... =)

ain't this blogskin cute? it was done by some ex-beatty sec sch girl oso called yiling.. .coincidental rite? so if u see e credits at the botton "Done by Yiling of Animeskies", it's not me.... it's this girl... again coincidentally, she's also a vballer... haha... how much freakier can this get? =)

acty, i've got like nothing to update u all on lar.. haha... juz felt like typing something in here... to push further back the fact tt i have to go do my hw... i'm BUSHED... haha... jus feel like closing my eyes and slipping into oblivion, but well, tt's not possible is it? though the empress of dreamland (i call her the sui4 niang2 niang2) would be happy to see me (and the feeling is mutual), the teachers wun be too happy with me tml... hahahahahhaah....

oh well, i can't live in self-denial mode any longer. gotta face up to reality now, so.... bye!

yesterday was the second match of the tournament for us... we lost again-
2-0. though it was somewhat expected to lose to NYJC, somehow, it hurt. i know... i probably brought this upon the whole team by not setting well AGAIN. i do wondre though, when i am gonna realise that i should be setting higher balls and ALWAYS setting, and not hooking the ball to the other side? guess my team mates are already frustrated with me for that, and i must say, i can;t really blame them. apologies are too late, and as they say, "Sorry no cure", what's done cannot be undone. i should realise the futility of words in this case, but somehow, i can't help but apologize for all these. it's e best i can do.

however, i know some of u must be thinking. " why can't u just learn from ur mistakes and try not to repeat them in the next match?" well.... when i go on court, i forget alot of things... sounds lame i know, but in the heat of the moment, i always do things on impulse. i get scared. tt makes me indecisive. u can say i'm afraid to take risks. why the hell do u think i've only had one relationship so far?

ah well.. this is all sounding so depressing, like all my previous few entries. let's all hope the mood will change the next time i blog here? =)