Instead

I saw him shaking his change in a coffee cup
Asked for a dollar but I told the man to give it up
Said he's hungry i dont think that it's true
I bet my dollar he'd just spend it on booze
I turned my back on him and began to walk away
But then i heard a little voice inside me say
What if it's really true? What if he's hungry?
What if it's not for him? Does he have a family?

How'd you get here
How'd you end up on the street
Where did you go wrong
Wonder what I'd do if it were me

Chorus:
A new point of view
A walk in your shoes
I wish I could get inside your head
To see what you see
When you look at me
Cause I could have lived your life instead

Verse2:
It was 90 degrees in the Summer heat
She was veiled in black all the way down to her feet
This is America doesn't she know
Somebody take her shopping buy her some clothes
She came up to me I didn't understand a word
I was about to leave then another thought occurred
She must be really lost scared and frustrated
I should try again to see what she's saying

How'd you get here
How'd you get so far from home
What was it that made you leave
Wonder what I'd do if it were me

Chorus:
A new point of view
A walk in your shoes
I wish I could get inside your head
To see what you see when you look at me
Cause I could have lived your life instead

I wanna see oh see what you see
And I wanna feel oh feel just what you feel

Cos I could have lived your life instead

- Stacie Orrico

How true. Probably sums up my reasons for wanting to become a psychologist. Isn't it always illuminating to see how much a person can construe the same situation differently from you and realise that that person has grounds for viewing the world in the world they do? It's always interesting to see how our judgments of right and wrong are dependent on how we were brought up, and really, nobody is right, neither is anyone wrong. It's always a lesson in humility, and one I enjoy doing.

That said, I still believe strongly that we should all keep to the values that are important to us, while maintaining the open-mindedness that there are people who will have views and ways of doing things that are different from us, and respecting that. I'm still learning it, and I hope I'll get better.

Everything in its Time

Everyone needs time to think about their past actions in order to grow. I find that when you give things or people time, over time (no pun intended), you do find that things do change. So there's no use in getting upset over what you can't change when it's just going to do so sooner or later. We need to give ourselves and others time to get used to us too.

I think with this mindset, I've come to let go of many things. Some things are not worth pulling my hair over when I've got other things to think about and other things to do. Why spend my resources on things I can't help right now when I can spend my resources on things and people and build up my relationships with them?

I should have come to this realization years ago. That would have saved me alot of heartache. But then again, this probably wouldn't have had such a big impact on me as it does now, and I probably wouldn't have learnt so much. So, there you have it - everything in its time.

Note to my 16 year old self

Horrible results they were, weren't they? But you know what? Things happen for a reason. There's no need to be in the top school or at the top all the time. You're always going to feel you need to feel on top, but that's going to be more manageable as you grow older, because this time, you're better able to accept that when things happen a certain way, it doesn't mean that opportunities are going to be closed. Nuh-uh. You'll find that going to TPJC's not going to be all that bad for your self-esteem. It's where you're likely to find yourself and be a happier person again. Satisfaction with yourself does not mean that you have to be on top all the time. TPJC is not the best thing in the world to have happened, but it's not the end of the world. You might think I'm crazy and that going to TPJC's going to close alot of doors for you. But nope! You're going to get the experience of a lifetime, and you're going to become a better person because of all that. Better still, you're going to learn how to be stronger. You're not going to be a perfect person, of course, neither are you going to be the top scorer of the school. But you're going to find back the person you lost sight of before.

Let go, and go open the new chapter of your life. If there's one thing I've learnt in all these years, it's to give everything time. Everyone needs time to adjust and think about what's right. If you feel that it's right and you're doing something that you value and feel comfortable doing, go ahead. Trust yourself and your attributes, and that will get you the help and direction you need. Jiayou k?

So far...

I thought I'd be blogging more while I'm in Australia, but alas, I haven't had the time to. The last 2 weeks have been really long weeks. Each previous day feels like it happened a week ago, and everyday is just so filled with things to do that I can't quite differentiate each day from the other apart from my client meetings, and even then, it takes effort to recall what day it is. Supervisions are the same. I can't quite remember what went on in the last session, thinking that the last session happened 2 weeks ago instead of one. =S Each day has seen me holed up in the clinic, such that Michael has now deemed me as a permanent fixture there, not needing to change, only summoning my jacket from my room. Ahh hilarious. =p

Last week was a rather stressful week, with 4 deadlines due in just two days. It was a pretty intense experience, though I think it was rather interesting. Haha. I had two presentations - one on Wednesday and one on Thursday, and on Thursday, I had to submit an essay, and do an exam. So it was studying and research, all needing to be completed in one weekend. It was interesting to see how I coped. I thought I would have broken down and started losing my temper with family and Kok Yong and became more tearful, but the opposite happened. I was the same as always, and still able to talk and joke with people, and those in Singapore. Instead of thinking, "Oh bloody hell, I'm not going to finish this", I realised I wasn't thinking anything about that at all. And the funny thing is, I was in the moment of experiencing what I was experiencing. Sounds weird, eh? It was like I had two minds - one was trying to meet all my deadlines, while the other was observing from a little distance away, noting down my feelings and thoughts, and being vaguely amazed that I could really do it. Of course, I do have to give credit where it is due. My classmates have been exceptionally supportive, offering to pick up the slack - they had told me not to bother with participating in compiling the information required for Thursday's exam and that they would share the information with me - and also offering support in the form of asking how I am coping, encouragements, and also giving me air time to air my grievances if I wanted to. Haha there's a reason why these people are budding clinical psychologists, I guess. It's pretty interesting to observe what goes on in the staff room. Lots of support around, but also lots of anxiety when deadlines loom. Pretty much a hot place to be if you wanna observe psychologists behind the scenes. =p Of course, family and Kok Yong have been wonderful to me too. I really can't imagine how life would have been over here if they hadn't been there for me to vent my frustrations and air my thoughts. =)

This week has seen me going back to the flat at midnight, working on the WISC videos. The video wasn't perfect, but I don't think I have the energy nor time to redo 2 hours' worth of videoing, so I'm going to leave it at that. If it was only me doing the video, I might have reconsidered redoing it. But this involves another person's time, and it is not fair to ask my partner to stay back till so late when we all have our work to do.

Postgrad is indeed different from my NTU days. Although it was busy in NTU, there weren't so many strict deadlines I had to meet. Now, because the internal practicum is in a professional (albeit safer) setting, reports, tests, and summaries have to be done promptly. Records have to be kept neatly and accurately, and we have to do these on top of juggling school work.

But on top of these, I'm really glad I have the opportunity to come here to experience a different life. I might complain about the stress and the demands, but I'm really enjoying this, and I think if I didn't go through this experience now, I would never get a chance to do this ever again. Everything is interesting to me - even being different from the others in terms of accent, habits, and way of thinking, feeling, acting, it's been interesting observing the differences and appreciating them. I have found that my classmates are very open with sharing their culture with me, and they have often been mindful of the fact that I am an international student, so they have taken the time to explain their habits, culture, language, and bureaucracy to me. I have asked them many stupid questions, like, "When Australians say 'How do you do', do they really expect an answer?" (Ans: not really, but depends on the person), "Say foot. Say food. Why do you pronounce it differently?" and many others which I can't think of at the moment. And they haven't laughed at me, but explained it to me in all seriousness. This is really positive for me, as I have learnt that sometimes, stupid questions need to be asked in order to let us learn more. And today, Kate was listening to a song on the radio, and she just told Wing and me that it was an Australian song that is always played at pubs. It's called "Run to Paradise" by the Choirboys. She just thought she would share additional information about Australia with us, which I really appreciated. The video is below!



This is what I'm in Australia for. To learn everything I can possibly learn. I cannot ask for a better opportunity than this. =)

Humans are from Earth, Psychologists, too!

It's hard to put oneself in others' shoes. It involves being able to see from their perspectives, and knowing where they come from, and therefore understanding their circumstances. People think psychology students, and of course, psychologists, are super good at this, and we are therefore super understanding people who probably are pacifists and therefore don't fight.

But nope, we're just normal human beings like everyone else. We have our quirks and foibles, and our own stereotypes and prejudices, just that maybe, just maybe (and it's a very big "maybe"), we are more aware of our own thoughts and thus able to view it with a certain amount of objectivity. We get angry when we perceive we've been done wrong by, we get upset when things don't go according to plan, and we get upset when we're disappointed by whoever or whatever disappointed us. We are ruled by stereotypes and heuristics, just like all of you actually, so actually, we are the same as you.

Michelle told me she can be a clinical psychologist too. Well, why not? Personally, I think anyone can be anything they wanna be. Being a psychologist is not that much a stretch from being a normal human being, actually. Just listening, and responding appropriately, is already half the battle won, because you've got to get the client's trust. And anyone can do that. The other bit is the additional training that psychologists undergo, that probably makes them more sensitive in picking up the underlying issues. So how are we different from the rest?

One of the clinical lecturers said it's the quality of "warmth and fuzziness" that the interviewers were looking for. Yep, interviews are not as useful as taking psychometric tests, but he rationalized that the interviews were to get a feel of what the applicants were like, which were actually the "non-specifics" that they were looking for. By that, I guess they meant approachability, fluency in explanations (though I wonder how I passed that...), gentleness (?) etc. I don't know, really. Probably instinct for sniffing out probable backgrounds in clients? And then looking at these qualities, again, anyone can be that.

So I guess what differentiates psychologists from others is not how big-hearted we are, nor how understanding we are, but rather, the capacity to which we are interested in other people's lives, or how interested we are in making a change in their lives. I know I'm motivated by that, not that I'm anymore big-hearted or understanding than the next person. Hehe to put it crudely, I'm nosey. =p Really, we're not that different from you. We are just equipped with the training such that we SEEM to be better humans. But really, we aren't.

Life's Like That

"I'm really the wrong person to ask. I've been married twice and divorced twice, so I don't think I should be answering this question 'What have I learned?' There are going to be hills and valleys and what I've seemed to have noticed is that a lot of the young people today, they seem to want to quit at the first drop of drama or issues that they have. Even with my parents, there were the bad times. It's always going to happen and you need to work through those. If the love is there, you get through them together with trust and communication." -- Janet Jackson

This makes sense.

Missing All of YOU...

It was nice hearing a familiar voice from Singapore earlier this evening. I received a Facebook message from Des this morning, and decided to call her when I reached home this evening. Haha, it was nice hearing the surprise in her voice when she realised it was me. =p

And it's so comforting to hear a friend's voice, someone I've been hanging out with for awhile and can just talk about topics we used to talk about back at NTU. It's not that there's been a dearth of topics to talk with with my friends here, it's just that the familiarity of all these topics just makes me feel so comforted. The feeling is just like I never left at all and I was just picking up the conversation with Des from the day before.

Friends are different from family and partners. I still love talking to my family and Kok Yong, but friends remind you of the life you had back at home, and how you spent time with them in the canteens and in school just chatting while waiting for class. And memories of you debating over some topics, or just complaining, or gossiping, and the modules you used to take together just... I don't know... the feeling is like snuggling up on the bed with a good book on a rainy day - that kind of comforting.

Come to think of it now, I do miss my friends back home a whole bloody lot. Not keeping in touch with you doesn't mean I don't want to, I still miss you all all the same. It's good that there's Facebook, so I won't be kept out of your lives. Haha, so whoever's still reading this blog, you're the one I'm missing, and I can't wait to go back to Singapore to meet up with you! =) Don't forget me k!

My Life So Far

The previous post wasn't meant to be up. This one was. However, I was feeling rather emotional when I got home this morning, that I felt an irresistible urge to blog something emotional. Haha. Well, the updates for this new post isn't gonna be new to some of you who have been talking to me the past 2 weeks, so if you're one of them, I think you don't have to read this. Haha...

It's been a rather... tense (?) 2 weeks since I last blogged, and it's been rather trying as well. So many times I wondered if the signs weren't pointing towards it being the wrong decision to embark on postgrad studies, and if I should just throw in the towel and go back home. Much self-counselling has been done to myself, and also much much-needed support has been shown to me via friends and family and Kok Yong, which has done heaps to make me feel so, so much better. To sum it up, life without the Internet is really a very lonely one. Therefore, Michelle, I define existence as the ability to be able to communicate with others to let them know that you are still alive and occupying space on this earth.

So what really happened to make the last 2 weeks one of the most challenging? IT. Our wonderful and all-pervasive information technology jumped out from every corner imaginable and tried to trip me up.

First, was the thunderstorm that occurred 2 weeks ago. Apparently, the thunderstorm was so strong that it caused a power surge in many people's accommodations. I had turned off my power switch, but left my LAN cable connected to my laptop. And thus, the power surge caused my LAN port to get fried, thereby rendering me unable to access the Internet. I had thought the problem lay with the Internet Service Providers, so I called them up many times and even expressed my displeasure, only to find out later that it was my laptop that was causing the problem. -___-"

I had thought my only option was to go to the Toshiba Service Centre, but I met another friend, Tale, who gave me a ray of hope. A USB adaptor for the LAN cable! So I managed to find someone who had an extra and tried it out. Imagine my elation when I realised I could go back online!!!!

But being online was not what I was meant to do. The USB adaptor grew too hot, and my computer could not shut down. I thought it was the adaptor's problem, so I went to get another one. The same problem persisted, and I had to call Tale for help. He was very nice, and tried to troubleshoot the problem for me, finally coming to the conclusion that when my LAN port was fried, it also fried the neighbouring USB port, so it spoilt my USB adaptors. But we were not sure why the same thing happened in the other USB port that was located on the other side of the laptop. So, I was back to square one. I still could not go online.

So the next day, I went to the service centre to get it done. OMG. It was my first time travelling alone, and I was damn apprehensive about it. Well, people who know me would know my sense of direction is almost non-existent, so... yes, it stands to reason that traveling alone would terrify me. But because I believe I was admitted to an overseas university for a greater reason other than studying, I decided to just go ahead and move out of my comfort zone. I managed to find my way there!! All these done by asking around. Ah, the power of asking!

I was then told that if my computer was suffering from a hardware problem, I'd have to wait 10-15 working days before I could get my computer back, because since my computer was bought in Singapore, they'd have to import the parts from there and fix it. -_-" But if it was a software problem, they'd be able to repair it faster, but they'd have to charge me $82.30 an hour (&*%^%^%%^$&%$!!!). But since I really didn't have any other options, I had to agree, didn't I?

And after a discussion with my parents about the feasibility of getting a netbook, we decided it'd be better if I got one, so I wouldn't have to feel so handicapped. So got it I did, and guess what? The next day, I received a call from the service centre saying that they'd got my laptop fixed. And that was a Friday.

And something else happened on Thursday, which was the day my Internet plan was scheduled to deactivate. I was told that when my account was deactivated, I could just buy a prepaid card to recharge it, and my plan would go on as per normal (I was upgrading from a $40 to a $60 plan, and changing from paying by credit card to prepaid). Imagine my horror when I realised the next day afternoon (which was a Friday) that I couldn't access my Internet, instead finding out that my account had been terminated, and that the ISP operates on NSW time which is 2 hours ahead of Perth, which meant that I had called them when they closed. And I couldn't call them on weekends, because they don't open then. I had to wait till Monday.

So wait till Monday I did, and I did so many things that made me rather proud of myself. Haha!! I first called up the ISP, and told them what had happened. I was getting ready to show my displeasure already (and I think the customer service guy was too), when the guy took the initiative to find out what I'd done to my account and graciously set a new one up for me with the value I had put inside the day before. So that was done! Next was Toshiba. I was worried that the reason why they had managed to solve the problem so fast was because they had found a software problem, and would thus charge me. So imagine my pleasure when they said I didn't need to pay! And I later found out that my LAN port is the same as that in Australia, so they didn't have to wait for the parts! And they also said that it was likely the USB adaptor was faulty, so I went back to the seller and got a refund. Wow, that went smoothly too! They just accepted my reason, and gave me my money back without questions, so I was $50 richer again, which meant my pocket money for the month is more reasonable again! =D

The past 2 weeks made me realise I can actually survive on my own, and all I have to do is just to ask. =) So I will be stronger, and I will conquer the odds. =)

To My Family and Kok Yong

This is for standing by me through everything, and supporting me when I needed it most. Things haven't been easy, but now that they are starting to fall in place, I'd like to thank you all for being there. Everything you've done has been appreciated and remembered. =)

Because you Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

My First Week

Well, the first week of school is over, and it was a rather humbling first week. I've been brought back to earth, and made to realise that back home, I might have been able to understand alot of things, and find my way around, but here, I'm a visitor to a foreign land. Everyone speaks English, but it's a different sort of English all the time, 24/7. I won't say it's hard to understand, but it takes quite a bit of cognitive capacity to understand it. I mean, I can understand what they are saying, but I have to pay attention, or the information just gets lost on me. Jokes specific to Australians are lost on me, cos I am not that familiar with Australian culture yet. It feels good to slip into Singlish once in a while, that you feel you're right at home once again.

All in all, it's been an enlightening experience, and it's rather interesting to experience being in the minority when I've been in the majority all my life.

The people here are rather nice, and rather friendly, just that they seem more comfortable with their own people, which is normal, and perfectly understandable, as they've been around the same people all their lives. I present myself as a novelty, and who would want to approach a novelty 2 days into knowing them? We did that rather often in NTU, didn't we? Not approach the exchange students, and basically just clung together? So yes, it's interesting to be on the other side of the fence this time. Not pleasant, but interesting. I've to learn to deal with it, and maybe I'll become a better and more understanding person.

Everyone in class has had some form of experience in clinical work, except me. And they have gone through many life stages - marriage, divorce, first degrees, children... which leaves me as almost the youngest and greenest, and also means that I've got alot of catch up work to do. I just hope my mindset doesn't defeat me first before I start on my journey. I think a bit of it is affecting me, because sometimes I wonder why a particular concept is so difficult for me to understand. But don't worry, I'm still working on it. I'll be strong, and I won't let anyone down. Haha but I hope I'll have enough willpower to decide to continue on with a PsychD. Thinking about myself having 2 years ahead is daunting enough, so thinking about 3 years right now is.... well, kinda sad.

But something happened today that made me wonder if I've been going into this new chapter of my life with my eyes closed after all. Cos today, one of my classmates talked to me and asked me, "So how do you find today's lesson? Was it all right for you?" And I went, "Yeeeah..." Then she smiled and said, "Haha, you sound apprehensive. Are you all right?" Haha so I told her that I still needed to listen to some parts of the lecture, and some info was just zooming past me. After that when I asked her some questions about the readings, she took the initiative and helped me ask the lecturer, and told me that I can always ask her anything. And at the end of the lesson, she gave me her email address and told me to contact her anytime. Well. I think that was pretty nice of her to offer her help like that, but I can't help wondering what it was about me that made her behave like that toward me. Hmm... I wonder if it was because of my introductory speech on Monday. Oh well, I shan't think too deeply into that.

And while in the Ladies, I talked to another classmate, and she seemed rather nice. It all just started with a Hi from me, and we started introducing ourselves, though she seemed to not know much about Asians, seeing as how she told me her name, and said that it's probably hard for me to remember. Heh. Well seeing as how I come from Singapore, and her name is really not that uncommon, I think I shouldn't have problems with it. But still, I shall overlook that seemingly patronizing connotation and think she was probably trying to be friendly and helpful.

And at the end of the lesson, the guy sitting beside me came to introduce himself to me, and chatted with Wing and me for a bit. This girl from my Monday class smiled at me too as I walked into class, and I even joked with another classmate as I was getting out of class.

Well. Things aren't that bad after all, are they? Perhaps everyone just needs time to warm up, and just a Hi sometimes can melt the ice. I shall reserve judgment till I'm proven otherwise.

All in all, not a bad week.

Going for dim sum in Northbridge tomorrow, and going on a Catamaran trip on Saturday!! =)

Double Whammy

It's Chinese New Year AND Valentine's Day today, 2 days which I don't get to spend at home with my loved ones.

Last night, I was watching my family packing the red packets, to be given out today, tomorrow, and possibly Tuesday. I never used to appreciate this, until last night when they were packing while webcamming with me. I wished so much I was there, joining in the preparations, whining about having to go to the market, gossiping about the CNY performances with my family... But all I could do was to watch them do it. Haha, sometimes webcam's a torturous thing. You can see and hear everything, but you can't participate. Nonetheless, I think having a webcam is better than having none at all. At least I can see everyone I love.

As for Valentine's Day, well, it's not the first time I've not spent it with Kok Yong, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear. It's not the occasion or the celebration that matters to me actually; rather, it's the fact that I cannot see him or spend time with him that makes me... melancholy. And seeing couples happily together around me makes me miss him so much more.

I know I should grow up and be mature about this. I'm still adjusting. There'll be many times in the future I'll have to be alone, and I'd really like to take this opportunity to be more independent. I'm working towards that. Right now, though, I just miss everyone and everything back in Singapore.

New Chapter

So now I'm in Perth, and this time, I'll really be left alone. People say it gets easier to say goodbye to loved ones the more times you do so, but I think this is not very true. I think goodbyes are never easy to say.

My parents and Yi Lun left for Singapore today, and man, do I wish so much that they were still here, or that one, or all, of them could stay here with me. The last few days with them here, I felt really secure and happy. Now that they're no longer here, it's like, I really have to live an independent life by myself. It's hard to explain this feeling. It's a bit like, I'm left to fend for myself, and this time, I really have to fight my own battles. There's no more going back home to Bedok Reservoir at the end of the week to hide from it all.

BUT!

Before anyone emails or calls me to try to wake me up, let me let you know that I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. I may be homesick, but I'm not going to let that defeat me and compromise on what I'm here to do. I'm well aware that I'm here for several reasons - some tangible, others intangible, and I'm going to do that. I wanted this, and I'm not going to regret my decision.

I miss home.

I miss my parents.

I miss Evon.

I miss Yi Lun.

I miss Kok Yong.

Almost Here

Brian:
Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Brian:
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Both:
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts

Brian:
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Both:
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts

Brian:
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here

Brain:
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you

Delta:
And when I hold you you're almost here

Delta:
And when I hold you you're almost here





I've always had a fondness for this song, and I thought it's rather depictive of the misconceptions some couples have between themselves, thus reflective of gender differences when it comes to how they manage relationships. It's a nice song, isn't it?

Define: Chrysalis

The word "chrysalis" seems to have become an It-word lately. I kept seeing it around Orchard when I went out last Saturday. The Heeren Shops calls itself a "chrysalis" at the moment, because it's undergoing some revamps/renovation. The spa at Orchard Central is also named "Chrysalis Premiere".

"Chrysalis" does sound very pretty, doesn't it? It sounds like crystal, chrysanthemums... the shining, girly stuff. But is it? Well, having seen it so often, and having only vague memories of the term referring to a stage in the metamorphosis of an insect, I googled the term, to find that the definition of "chrysalis" is "the third of the four distinctive live stages of a butterfly. This is one of the most fascinating stages and one of the easiest to miss. Often the chrysalis is a dull brown or green color to blend in with its surrounding. This is the stage that turns the caterpillar into a butterfly." (www.mountainvalleygrowers.com/definitions.htm)

So there you have it, the reason why people would call themselves a chrysalis when they are undergoing a period of change. Similar to how a fat, ugly caterpillar changes into a butterfly, these places/people are striving towards perfection, and therefore asking us, the third parties, to be patient while they undergo the ugly stage. Similar to Chrysalis Premiere, they're trying to imply that everyone who goes to their spa will come out as pretty as a butterfly, regardless of how they looked beforehand.

But then again, the word "pupa" has the same meaning as "chrysalis". "Pupa" is a term whom most people know the definition of, and is definitely the most common term to describe this particular stage of metamorphosis. Alas, due to its not-as-feminine/magical sound, it's therefore dropped by people when choosing alternative terms for transitions.

Isn't it interesting how one term can be looked at from another perspective just based on the sound of that word? "Pupa" and "chrysalis". Same meaning, different reactions.

Lessons of Humility

Sometimes just when you think things are going smoothly, life throws a curve at you, catching you unawares. Lately, I've had several lessons in humility, which have brought me back down to earth. They were humbling, to say the least, and reminded me that I still had flaws that I would much rather ignore.

Driving lessons. I've never been scolded by a teacher before, until I took driving lessons. I guess I was always too complacent in the fact that I would deliver satisfactory work to instructors and teachers, that I never expected to get exasperation and scolding from any of them. Wellwell, and there was my wake up call. And it was a test of my pride and temper, I guess. My pride indeed took a hammering, so I had to bite my tongue to rein in my temper. I can't blame the driving instructor either, because the only reason why I was angry was simply because my pride was injured. The rest of the time, well, I guess I deserve the scolding and exasperated looks. =S I just cannot co-ordinate and remember simple moves! Parking- parallel and reverse- gave me lots of grief, and so did the stupid circuit. It's all fun and smiles and laughter when I get it right, but it's damn sickening to get them wrong, and worse still, to forget them!

You would think that if I can remember theories and laws and whatever other complicated stuff, I can certainly remember the steps in maneuvering the car in various steps. But no. Yes, that still chafes me.

One thing, though, I think my driving instructor's a rather sensitive guy. He knew that I was disappointed in myself for not being able to do well, and he kept reassuring me after the lessons that it was all due to my nerves, and also that those things weren't easy. I gotta give him credit for thinking about my feelings, when it's very easy to do so when he has been an instructor for so long, and is undoubtedly a rather good driver. So.. yah, I learnt how to swallow my pride.

Dance aerobics. I've always liked to watch people dance, and I've always had this fantasy of being able to dance like those pop stars. BUT I've known since I was 12 that I can never be un-stiff enough to dance like them, so I decided to just watch from afar. However, when I saw the notice by the management that they were going to organize a dance aerobics class, I decided to take part. Who knows, I might learn how not to be stiff? And besides, aerobics is a rather efficient way of working up a sweat, especially since I am too lazy to go down to swim, and to go to the reservoir for a jog. =p

So, yes. I cannot dance to save my life and my blasted tattered pride. Basically I was floundering around and behind everyone by half a beat, and looking at me move, you'd think I was a robot rather than a human. -_-" All right, so what did I learn from this? Again, this was a lesson in humility. I am not a perfect person, I realise that, much to my chagrin. BUT, on the bright side, I learnt that I am rather brave, after all, to look like a robot in front of a class of peers, and continue with the class. Yes, I am continuing with the class, even if it kills me. It's fun, and... well, I kind of enjoy it. It helps, too, when the instructor's a nice and patient person who understands not everyone's as co-ordinated as he is. Haha!

Running studies. What can I say? I just keep screwing up my prof's study. When am I going to learn to be more careful?

All in all, these lessons couldn't have come at a more timely time (pun not intended). I wouldn't say I've completed my lessons in humility at all, because I still have a looooong way to go in that. I think everything we do in life has its purpose for making us the way we are now, and it's just a piece of puzzle in a big picture. I hope mine turns out well!

Revelations

There's been nothing much to post lately, either cos there's been no inspiration, or because inspiration knocked at the wrong time. Haha...

So. Here are some revelations I've had these days...

1) I'm one lucky pig. Having my family and loved ones all around me as I face mountains of admin work's a blessing. Although I often complain about how naggy they can be, I think I wouldn't have had the motivation to continue on with the postgrad stuff that's really getting on my nerves. -_-"

2) Perspectives really change drastically as one grows older. In the past, I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing Sesame Street sports shoes, because they simply weren't cool. Now, I don't give two hoots to how people see my shoes and me just because I'm wearing Sesame Street ones. Some things just become less important when we grow older. Similarly, I still remember a time when we went to Disneyland, and my parents made three of us wear clothes with Disney characters. At that time, we were furious. We felt we looked stupid. But now, looking back, I think they did have a point in making us wear Disney character-decorated clothes- after all, what's the point of going to Disneyland if I'm just gonna wear a plain-coloured shirt?

This brings me to the main point of this point; that is, that adults don't mean to embarrass their children at all. It's just that there's a difference between adults and children with regard to what matters and what doesn't. To children, image means everything. To adults, as we grow older, we learn to recognise that some aspects of image are really not very important at all, and it's our identity that matters. So long as our identity's not compromised, who cares what we wear? That said, self-confidence comes with time too. We learn to be comfortable with who we are after some time, and by then, who cares if I'm wearing Sesame Street shoes to school, or *gasp* Barbie Doll shoes? So, to all children, or children of parents, it's a matter of perspective. People who love us will never mean to embarrass us.

Of course, this is easier said than done. It's easy for me to type this out, but really, if I face similar situations, I would probably get very pissed off.

But still, it is interesting to look back and get the revelation that sometimes, a difference in perspective like this really can cause friction.

Now, if only this same logic could be applied to other conflicts elsewhere....

An Urge to Blog...

Notice the lack of blog entries lately? That's cos I haven't been feeling particularly motivated to blog. Haha the thought that I've got nothing very much to contribute and having to sign in made me procrastinate. However, since I've suddenly got an urge to blog (albeit about rather mundane happenings), I shall "follow my heart" and blog whatever comes to my mind, shall I? Whee here we go!

Been having a rather hectic 2 days as a result of my chronic procrastination. I finally finished my linguistics transcription, though the result has much left to be desired, seeing as I didn't have time to go consult the experienced Hokkien speakers about words which the interviewee uttered but which I couldn't make sense of. So that left quite a few blanks and words in bold and underlines. Doesn't say much about my work ethics for that, in any case. And also, I suspect another few days of me cursing myself with, "why the hell didn't I get to this sooner?" when I start on the other work. But yes, I'm getting started on it as soon as I've finished this blog entry. Oh, and I've started on it, by the way, if it's any consolation to my superego. -_-" Haha I've never gone past any deadline before, and the linguistics transcription was the first time I stayed up one night to do but stil wasn't able to finish. Definitely a first for me. =S

And... I'm rather looking forward to the Bukit Timah excursion tomorrow. I like doing things which I'd never think of doing, or which few people have done. And I like going to nature nature places. No, really, I do, contrary to popular first impressions of me that I'm a sheltered pansy who can't take the sun. =p And really, contrary to popular belief as well, I really don't mind the sun and getting tanned, just that I mind that the sun feels rather painful these days. If it was like the old days when it didn't hurt, I wouldn't be bothered to put on sunscreen. Haha. However, this isn't a debunking popular myths of Yi Ling entry, so I shall bring the focus of this paragraph forth again. I'm looking forward to Bukit Timah! At least something different and strenuous! =)

I like doing things that make me learn too, haha that's why I like going to exhibitions and museums. I love seeing things that I don't normally see. Haha I'm vaguely aware that some level of vanity has to do with this, but frankly, I like the feeling that I actually learnt something when I go somewhere. Even meeting up with friends is, I think, an experience in itself- you get to learn more about the other party, which is why I like to go out in small groups. Big groups make me shy (really!) and I feel like I don't get to know the other people as well. So, even though we might go to supposedly boring places like shopping malls or even just out for a meal, I think these are very nice things to do in small groups too, cos you get to catch up! Haha so my point is, I like variety. =)

Which brings me to my next topic. I want to go on a holiday! I saw my friend Melissa's blog the other day, and she updated her blog with stuff from her last trip to Bangkok. OMG I really want to go. I know my wardrobe's like bursting with clothes, but as I said before, I like variety. =p It's vanity speaking again, and I agree, but I like seeing variety!! I like the variety and the cheap prices Bangkok offers- it makes me very happy. Haha!!

And now I sound like I'm on a sugar high, when really, all I wanna do now is to plop into bed and sleep away, but if I do, I'd never get anything done.

And there you have it, random mindless blogging which all link together and finally tie up to make a conclusion that reminds me I've got to go do my work already.








That statement above doesn't really make sense, does it?

First Foray into Chef-dom!

Ok well it's not my first time cooking, but it was indeed my first time cooking a 3-course meal. Credit can't go to me completely of course, BUT I'm proud to say that I did most of the stuff by myself k! For those who don't know me that well, Mira is usually the one who cooks, so I seldom go into the kitchen. But because this is the hols, and I really do have to start somewhere if I am going to survive in Australia by myself next year (a big assumption that I am indeed going overseas), why not start from something fun? So.... I decided to cook a 3-course for my family and Mr Ang. What was the menu?

Soup of the Day:

Cream of mushroom soup with garlic bread

Appetiser:

Bacon, asparagus and prawn roll

Main Course:

Granny Smith pork chops

Dessert:

Sago gula melaka

The recipe's not from me though, but from Deli Aprecio Club's newest publication, Campus Cooking, which is supposed to provide easy-to-make recipes that can be accomplished in hall. Well... I have to say, dessert was not too bad, and the appetiser too, but the pork chops.... well, if I hadn't been an amateur at cooking, I might have found it easy. However, being the noob (hah! first time I use this word!) I am, I was basically just doing things by ear. The results weren't bad at all! Let me show you!

Well you'd have to excuse the cutlery used, especially for the soup. I'm quite proud of the plate used for the dessert though, totally forgot we had such cute ones. Of course, the graphic on the plate is not very appropriate, but the size and the feeling (using HK accent) of the graphic was quite good. =)

I served dinner as how a restaurant would serve it, just to give my mother a kick out of it. Haha, so I was basically the waitress, the cook, and washer (with the help of Mira, of course). And get a kick out of this she did, my mother. They were all pretty amused that I was doing all that, but I liked the feeling. I realised it's a nice feeling to cook for my loved ones, and see them getting pleasure out of it. And if I could amuse them while I was at it... why not? =)

And of course, while I'm at it, this is the book which made it possible:

Special thanks to Mira for her help in the kitchen, and to everyone who enjoyed my food! =)

Holiday!

I'll be going to Myanmar from 16th to 24th May, and Myanmar doesn't have network coverage for phones, so don't be alarmed if I don't reply your messages k! =) Happy holidays!

81 Ugly Truths about Hong Kong Girls

While having lunch with Venus, she brought up this topic about Hong Kong girls. Apparently, the hot topic in HK now is the slamming of the 'spoilt' behaviors of HK girls, and there's a group set up by HK guys (called Anti Golddigger's Alliance Hong Kong) that talk about what they dislike about them, and from their conversations, they compiled a list of 81 deadly sins, as shown below:

1. greedy and lacking in humility
2. always wants the guy to pay
3. claims not to like HK guys, but they can't get any
4. calls your man playboy, yet is a playgirl herself
5. always makes the man compromise, never her
6. dreams about being with a lawyer or doctor
7. when deemed a pork chop by guys, thinks she's shit hot
8. thinks she's hot and men want her, but the reverse is true
9. acts "cute" but is childish
10. when ignored, becomes attention whore
11. self deluded12. loves brand name and still buys counterfeits
13. wastes $
14. speaks English to pretend to be sophisicated (Chinglish)
15. dresses stylish but they all end up looking alike
16. thinks she's all that
17. fantasizes about men staring at her (when guys are really staring at a retard)
18. Priority in life is to seek the riches of men
19. expects to have someone pay for meals
20. pretends to forget her wallet
21. argues over a few bucks
22. likes to meet men at bars
23. spends time and $ prettying herself, but still looks ugly
24. knows nothing but expects her man to know everything
25. never lets her man talk to other girls, yet she checks out other dudes
26. claims to be a virgin
27. makes her man as her servant
28. likes celeb gossip mags
29. and as a result knows jack shit about life
30. expects sugardaddy to support her for life
31. dreams about marrying into riches
32. snarky with others but gets pissed when snarked at
33. complains that her man hires hookers, but she does 1 night stands
34. thinks many men want her
35. buy clothes with her man, expects him to pay
36. when sick, expects 24 hr care by her man. But not other way around
37. expects diamond ring for birthday(s)
38. always buys cosmetics and overuses them on dates
39. compares men with other HK girls online
40. flakes on and dumps guys in your 20s, yet yearns to be married in 30s.
41. Still likes Hello Kitty, yet criticizes HK guys for liking manga, anime and call them poison
42. hits guys, but when guys hit back, they're called bullies
43. accuses men of insincerity when given cheap gifts
44. loves romance novels, lives in fantasy world...
45. always wants to shop in malls, no sense of adventure
46. brings up men/women equality if it benefits her
47. criticizes openly when men are ugly, yet refuses to look into the mirror
48. never wants to re-wear the same clothes
49. likes flirting with guys online
50. likes to gossip
51. gossips with her friends but tells her man to shut his mouth
52. doesn't let her man look at other chicks but fantasizes about male pop idols
53. greedy for money
54. will sacrifice everything for money
55. will do anything for money, if you have none she will dump your ass
56. carries a few thousand on her (including shoes, bag, clothes etc)
57. thinks she calls all the shots
58. expects her man to love her a lifetime, yet she's the dumper
59. dumps a guy, then goes back to him and says she's lonely. Nobody cares
60. after dumping a guy, publicizes his personal contact info online
61. thinks everything she does is right, and the guy is always wrong.
62. uses breaking up as threats to anything
63. 1st priority when with a guy, to help "safeguard" his wallet
64. likes to put down guys
65. nice outside, evil inside
66. puts down mainland Chinese, thinks all mainland Chinese girls are hookers
67. when meeting guys, criteria #1) good looking? #2) got $?
68. doesn't read, but pretends to know it all
69. heavily believes in astrology
70. freaks out when guy doesn't call for a day, thinks he's cheating
71. expects a lot from a guy but doesn't allow him to object to anything
72. simple minded
73. believes everything people say, cannot think and judge for herself
74. worships western countries, if it is not made there don't buy!
75. knows nothing about computers other than net surfing. 256 vs 512? What is that?
76. overly describes herself as "sexy"
77. compares her man with other men
78. measures a man by his money
79. imitates other people's sense of fashion
80. shares secrets and personal things with her man, with other people
81. after eating, if there's nothing else to do, goes to http://www.yelp.com/redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fshe.com to talk shit about HK guys.

I put this up out of interest, and I think... some of these are not limited to girls only, and they're also not limited to HK girls. That said, some of the items sounded like they were from a recent relationship where the girl dumped the guy and the guy was just bitter about the whole thing and started slamming the girl. Haha don't you think some of them do sound so?

So, guys, what do you think about this? Are they applicable to Singapore girls?