blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.... i DUN FEEL LIKE STUDYING ALREADY!!!

tomorrow's the last paper, and my energy's flagging... can't drag myself up from the computer to acty go read the notes on gothic, but... oh well... i still have to... i'll prob just burst out of the hall tml screaming bloody murder after the paper.. haha... all hell's broken loose, coz i'm madd!!!!hmm... on hindsight, forget wat i just said... many wouldnt believe i'm capable of doing tt... frankly, neither am i. haha... =)

one thing i know for sure is, NO MORE LAST MIN STUDYING OF LIT FOR ME. EVER AGAIN. oh man... studying for it at the last minute last nite was pure torture, not to mention stressful. can't remember much. take my advice. lit is not for last min. oh man... i can feel premature white hairs grwoing... and premature aging is so not evident in my family line... guess some new gene just developed halfway today tt;s like gonna be some recessive gene tt will turn dominant if and when i marry someone with a premature ageing gene in his DNA. hahah... so bio rite? it just came out of my memory like some long lost.... memory?

hehe... ok, i'm off teaching my sis how to earn points on the myscenedolls.com website hurul intro-ed on her blog... haha... its so bimbotic its fun! hahahahahahahahah

The down-to-earth girl


Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hey alvin, thanx so much for ur help in the strike thru thing!!! hahah.... u made it nicer!!!! =)

just chatted with kenette's gf. she's a NICE girl! wow, kenette realyl has good taste man... character nice, face oso nice... hai... oh btw, he's my cousin.. hahah... feel happy for him.. =) oh well, i htink they are a good match acty, both are great ppl, inside and out, and they have brains to complement each other.... xian mu si wo le!!!!!!

oh well... on the heavier side of things, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. wat a dampener. been slacking sicne this morning... hahahahahaha.... so my conscience is driving me to do work. but first, lunch. bye!

sometimes i think tt i'm just doing a pre-death struggle. u know, like before a person drowns, they make this last-ditch desperate attempt to keep themselves afloat? yep, i soooo feel like tt... hahaa....

just kinda think there's not much point in studying anymore for the common test, though it would be a lie to say tt i have acty done much. sian. its so sickening lar. cant concentrate, and i'm so dreading the time when i have to go back to sch. *GASP* horror of horrors! it's next week! i guess i shall have to forgo this common test, do the best i can for it and just keep to my long term goal of the prelims and a levels. tts e best i can do at the moment i guess. getting tired. haha... just hope i dun seriously burn out by the end of the year. oh well. i just need to get thru this common test, then i'll contemplate wat i should do until the prelims. it also doesn help tt there are no shows to watch on tv at 7 and 9pm! oh man! its all BORING!!! now i only look forward to tues 8pm's Daddy's Girls (which is like so bimbotic and rather brainless if u ask me, but i watch it coz it doesn need the mind haha) and thurs 1045pm's meteor garden 2. ahahhahahahah. wat a no-life i am.

i seriously can't wait to break out of this cage man. its getting so depressing. haha. but mebbe, once i break out of this cage tt seems to be getting smaller for me, will i find myself in another cage, though this time it's much more spacious, but filled with ppl of even more hidden facades? well.... stay tuned..... ;)

can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying can't stand studying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's like the last week of june hols and i haven finished my revision yet!! oh man!! have a feeling i'm gonna do badly esp for econ... i just looked at the questions mrs loh compiled for us, and i was just thinking that if prelims and A levels are gonna give tt kind of questions, i am so gonna die.

i'm too tired to think or do work anymore. hmm... a little rain and less sun would do a WHOLE WORLD OF GOOD!!!! coz i hate hot weather. i loooooove rainy days... hot weather just makes me wanna sleep the day away, coz it's too hot to be able to do anything else!!! sian we were so close to a thunderstorm yesterday evening, but in the end, there was only very strong wind. -_-" and yes, my mood is still braindead- if u can see the picture.

i just saw my personal horoscope thing which i stupidly signed up for. i so regret it now, coz there was no insightful analysis to my character, but only some self-recommendations and self praise bout the pshychic person herself. now i'm worried if she'll do anything to me. not going to reply to her forms or send in any testimonials though. y the heck was i so stupid to do tt? argh... anyway, astro.com one is not bad though..... guess i just stereotyped everything together.

not looking forward to going back to start work. hate econs.

How to make a Yi Ling

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 1 part crazyiness 3 parts empathy

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

i wonder if one should have expectation of wat one wants in a partner in life. some say tt if u have expectations, u are likely not to find someone u will be happy with. u will tend to compare him/her to the image u have in ur mind. the perfect guy/ girl. however, if u dun have any requirements, how do u know when u have met the right one? wat if u are never able to pinpoint y u feel there's something lacking in the relationship?

sometimes i feel i'm like christina rossetti. u know, always looking for the perfect person, and nvr being happy with wat i have... sometimes i really worry if i will ever find someone i feel completely happy with. after all, there isn something as a perfect person in the world. while they may appear perfect, and everything u could ever want in a person, this self-doubt sometimes crops up, like, "is this person for real? he/she is too good to be true!" or sometimes, tt person may conceal himself/herself so well that u are not even aware of anything until it's probably too late. maybe one would be aware of some undercurrents of inconsistency, but never be able to point exactly to wat it is.

maybe wat grace said is right. when a person is too perfect, u cannot trust him/her. they made themselves out to be perfect. in other words, manufactured. i admire frankness in a person, and i guess i would be disillusioned if someone i was interested in was acty wat he was not made out to be. i'd rather a person just was himself, showing his faults as well as his good points. well... wat's the point of hiding the truth? nothing lies under the carpet for long, coz there will be a spring cleaning one day, and all the dirt under the carpet or any other skeletons one might have in his/her closet will be taken out. no one is able to be such a great actor tt they are able to continuously act the same role their whole life 24/7. it's tiring. and one day, the inner self will threaten to burst out. wat happens then? nobody knows.

i finally found a BEAUTIFUL blogskin!!! hahaa, this is so nice! i love it! hehe...

i hope u can see e pic though, coz it sometimes doesn appear...

been thinking i often give ppl the wrong impression tt i dun wish to mix with them i think... coz i can appear so cold sometimes- at least tt's wat i think... hmm... but the truth of it is, i'm just thinking of other things, or wateva i'm thinking of always like fully consumes my whole attention, so i dun seem to pay attention to wateva is happening around me. it happens ALL the time, i dunno why... it just happens, though i often try to show more enthusiasm when i'm in this kind of mood. i do try to give ppl my attention whenever they speak to me, but sometimes my subconscious takes over and i lapse into tt kind of.... dunno wat u call it.... so, sorry to whoever has felt like tt with me!!!!

anyway, i gtg do work, and likely submerge myself in tt kind of... mindset(?) again... cya!

oh yah, feel free to drop a few lines bout wateva u want on my chatterbox... PLEASE!!!!!!! it's so QUIET!!!!

been thinking of my blogging style, and i've been slowly coming to the realisation that my writing style is somewhat like one of my friends'. goodness! where's my originality?! where's each person's unique individuality?! i've been toying around with the idea of changing my tone, but in whichever way i come up with, i find tt it just sounds so much like her. well, there are exceptions, of course, like those when i was feeling really bad, u know, the ones on peke (hmm, even those sound so much like her)and, not forgetting, the one on the stupid doctor from grace polyclinic....

i tried going to blogskins just now to look for a new skin, but guess wat? i think many ppl are logging into it now, so it took a REALLY long time to get into the site alone. then, when i wanted to log in, there was another long wait. forget it. i shall bear with this skin first. know y i wanna change this? coz there's no way i can put my chatterbox up here! or rather, i dunno how to do it. i only can do it when the skin says, "place your tagboard here". pathetic, aren't i? oh well........

i will try not to sound melancholic in the future. i realise tt's the tone used in my friend's blog. yes. melancholic and wistful with a touch of added mystery. it's nice sometimes, but when one has read it a few times and finds tt it pervades every or most entries, the tone gets rather questionable. oh man. am i sounding condemning? damn... there isn any maliciousness involved... really! i oso think my blog has touches of this kind of melancholy and wistfulness to it tt kinda sounds like i'm writing an essay in primary sch. oh man....

better stop condemning writing styles. i'm going way off tangent, and i'm working myself into a frenzy. hahaha... anyway, i've taken a long enough break from my revision, so cya!

so sian.. back from a bout of giddiness which had something to do with liquid in my middle ear, making my ears ring and affecting my sense of balance... oh man.. i can't even begin to tell u how HORRIBLE it was... it was like being seasick, only this time, i was unable to keep anything inside my stomach. anthing that went in came back.. i was so hungry! and everytime i turned, the world turned along with me. argh! do u know wat tt meant? tt meant giving up watching Harry Potter 3: The Prisoner of Azkaban. we had booked the tickets somemore!!! then i just had to give up my tickets to yi lun's friend. ARGH!!

come to think of it, it's quite funny... one day i woke up feeling fine and dandy, the next dyai woke up feeling like my world was upside down. goodness! it's like tt A*teens song, Upside Down- "Upside Down, bouncing on the ceiling, inside out, stranger to this feeling". tt feeling was a stranger all right...
-_-"

thank god after a jab my world righted itself, and now i'm OK!!!! YAY! and i finally can catch up on my work. coz of this bout of dizziness i almost couldn make it for the SATs, and i missed quite a lot of catching up with my work. Thanks alot to grace for helping me to collect my work! u're a saviour man! =)

anyway, i'm just so thankful that my world is back where it belongs now, tt i feel quite energetic! hahaa.... i'm serious u know... for the first time, i didn sleep in the afternoon... how great is tt? =) hehe... anyway, i gtg already... bye!

SO SIAN!!!! i dun feel like going upstairs to help 'supervise' the workers, coz i can't concentrate on my work upstairs!! nooooooooooo, it's not because of the workers, darlings, it's gotta do with the fengshui or something... haha! =)in case u are wondering, nope, there's no eye-candy upstairs ;)

the whole day, i've been trying to do the gp compre mrs tan gave us, and i STILL haven finished... goodness -_-" hah, jus hope i get to finish a satisfactory amt of work by this wk, otherwise i'm gonna scream....

just realised tt i'm gonna have to cut off contact from cyberspace from sept hols onwards, so tt i will be devoid of temptations... hahaha, this is a repression of my spirit, which is channelled into studying for the IMPORTANT (-_-") exams. hopefully, this repression won't rear its ugly head in grotesque forms, like in the form of, say, violence? hahaa.. ok, i'm lame... forget it.... i'm just tokking rubbish to prolong my stay downstairs, so tt i dun have to go up... feel so out of place there... i'm alone! so boring somemore! hai...

anyway, ther's no putting off the inevitable... gtg, cya'll! =)

tml is GP common test!! ARGH!!! pushed reading thru the materials to now, and i seriously regret it, though i have this nasty suspicion tt i'm gonna repeat the same thing for prelims and As... horrible thought... *shudders*

it's only now tt i realise how much material i didn't read last yr, and man, i think i better constantly read newspapers, though i dunno when i can find time... i know... i'm probably sounding like a busy freak, but i'm serious! i dunno how come i dun have time to read newspapers while everyone around me can. can someone PLEASE tell me?! I'M DESPERATE!!!!

it's ironic, u know, that i find tt i think i can acty do better when i dun read the notes.. they kinda restrict me, but like a typical singaporean, i still feel insecure when i dun read them. argh... haha... it's like the same for the chinese As, when it's like, u know tt it's useless to read thru e chinese words booklet, coz the probability of the words coming out from there is so slim, but u still think u should, in case it does come out. there is tt false sense of security as well... like it works.
-_-" tt's only temporary, i tell u... haha... when u read the question paper, u think, "what the hell did i even waste time reading tt booklet for?!" haha.... oh well, i guess we all need a little security when studying for exams, dun we?

anyway, i gtg liao...
ahaha..... wish me luck for tml! =)

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... holidays are finally here, after 10 weeks!! after sat, i will be FREE!! well, not free exactly, but at least i will be able to wake up later than usual, and HOPEFULLY catch up with my work. haha, goodness knows i'm so far behind in my work.. mrs loh is beginning to get a bad impression of me liao, better buck up...

well, today we had to draw diagrams for econ, and i drew 2 extra diagrams which are totally redundant in the question!! argh! but my argument was somewhat on the right track, just tt mine was the last transparency she put up, so she assumed everything else was just like the previous person's (well, our diagrams were the same... haha.. ) and did not look at my argument... sigh... haha...

nvm... will make my comeback next term, where i will make sure she changes her mind bout me... haha, that is, hopefully, of course, so wish me luck! =) i just hope i do manage to complete my revision in time... =)

hai... not looking forward to the Rossetti essay i'm gonna have to do tonight... it's another troublesom essay! but then again, when have essays never been troublesome? i just have to get it done asap, then i will be able to enjoy tv in peace!!! yay!!!

i just wonder who's gonna win the American Idol tonight. while Fantasia is a great singer, her fan base isnt really as big as Diana's, i think. Diana is cute, but she cannot really sing. well, she can, but last night's performance was not really good. her song last week, "Don't Cry Out Loud", was sensational, but when she sang it last night, it was disappointing. her voice broke a few times due to nerves i think... hmm... it isn easy to be an idol.. u have to please everyone... *looks pensive* i dun really know who i want to win either, coz i like them equally, haha...

i wanna watch so many movies!! was supposed to watch Shrek 2 with yi lun tml, but she has the soccer finals tml.. hai... troy looks good, van helsing too, and of course, can't wait to watch harry potter!!!!!haha... just hope i have enough money to watch them, or is anyone gonna treat me? *bats eyelashes*

Haha... i'm feeling quite smug at the moment, coz i've just completed the most horrible of all essays- the A&C essay!! yay!! haha... i wasnt looking forward to doing it AT ALL, firstly coz i have absolutely ZERO confidence in doing well for it (which reduces my enthusiasm by a significant amount), and secondly coz it's a loooong essay with many aspects. come on! the question was asking for so many things! the question was 'Examine the exact nature of Cleopatra’s “infinite variety”. Is she a great queen or merely a “triple-turned whore”?'. If i really get this kind of question for the A levels, i'm seriously just gonna slam the paper on the table and start bawling... haha... am i making u cringe at tt thought? hehe, it's food for thought, though, coz it just occurred to me how much reading up i have to do just for lit alone, and add to tt math and econ also need an equal amount of attention. OH MAN!!!! HOW DO I LIVE?! to make things worse, while doing the essay just now and planning the Rossetti essay (also another headache one)last night, i realised how much i dunno my texts, especially for Rossetti. argh... i think i should seriously listen to Reynolds, and start reading one Rossetti essay a day... haha...

anyway, just came online to voice all these out, and i thnk i feel SLIGHTLY better... haha, jus tt there's still a mountain of work left... 4 essay outlines for GP to do, a DR for econ, and math assignment!!!! ARGH!!! HELP!!!

i miss peke, but i think i've got over the sadness... it's just that whenever i think about his last moments, tears just come into my eyes and i will feel like crying. perhaps it seems like i am over-reacting, but well, all i can say is, watever. i dun really expect others to understand (hmm... no offenses intended), coz this is like something one has to experience to feel the real pain. imagining it is usually not enough, not unless u acty have a great imagination....

anyway, i just realised tt the reason y my proposal for cip at the library hasn been approved yet. the tr in charge nvre even received the modified proposal! oh man! i just hope the letter from nlb to the school was received and kept properly, otherwise i'll just sit down on the floor in the middle of the foyer in school and bawl my eyes out!!! coz tt would mean that i have to make another 2 or more trips down to the library to find e person in charge and get her to write a letter again and THEN go down and collect it again. and from the timetable, when can i do tt?!

argh... just sounding so pitiful now... haha... indulge me... =)

anyway, THANKS to ALVIN my cousin!!! THANK U THANK U THANK U!! haha... without his help, i think i'd still not be able to modify the stupid thing...

ARGH!! u know wat?! just as i was thanking alvin and going over the moon with the fact tt i am finally able to modify the proposal, there was a BROWSER ERROR. can u believe my luck?! to do all these and have tt?!

WATEVER.

feel like gg to mrs yoong again tml and telling her bout it again. argh. i wanna get this thing done and over with! my cip hours are still at 11.5 hours, and it's getting kinda too late to start signing up for cips to boost my hours.....

God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You

Yeah....
Oh yes
Ohhh..yeah..
Can this be true?
Tell me, can this be real?
How can I put into words what I feel?
My life was complete
I thought I was whole
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?
I never thought that love could feel like this
and you've changed my world with just one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me
there's an angel?
It's a miracle...


Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time
On you...
(A little more time, yes he did baby)


In all of creation
All things great and small
You are the one that surpasses them all
More precious than
Any diamond or pearl
They broke the mold
When you came in this world
And I'm trying hard to figure out
Just how I ever did without
The warmth of your smile
The heart of a child
That's deep inside
Leaves me purified

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep (and deep)
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must of spent...
A little more time
On you...
(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) ohhh...
(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) yeah...

Never thought that love could feel like this
and you changed my world with just one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me
There's an angel?
It's a miracle...

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep (peaceful and deep)
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must of spent...
A little more time
On you...
(on you, on you, on you, you..)
God must of spent...
A little more time
on you
(on you, on you..you....you..oooh..yeah)
A little more time
on you...ohhh


thank you, peke

been thinking of peke the whole day today. i was just thinking bout all the things he did, the silly antics he always came up with, and how he always managed to charm all of us into sneaking food to him.

i remember the time when i dropped a cube of ice on the kitchen floor. being the greedy dog he was, he rushed towards it, trying to get it into his mouth. alas! it was too cold and slippery, and it came out of his mouth again. he tried again and again, at different angles, but to no avail. it seemed like he was developing strategies to get the ice cube, coz he kept trying to catch it 'off-guard'.

i remember how he always looked when we brought him downstairs for his walks. he was always so excited, rushing around us like trying to make us go faster, the bliss on his face as he relieved himself, and the way he looked like a little furry ball jumping among the tall grass.

i remember how he always went into hiding under the table whenever he committed a 'crime'. he would hide under and refuse to come out. papa used to use food to tempt him to come out so tt he could teach him a lesson, and it worked a few times, until one day, it didn work anymore. how we all laughed to see that! peke was really very smart. he learnt things fast. he tried to escape punishments, but somehow, he always nvr escaped. it's so sad. but he had a forgiving nature. though papa always whacked him, he nvr stopped trying to get close to him.

now, i look at all the markings on the marble floor in my house, and i remember how he vomitted on them. they are the marks left behind by him.

we used to scold him for committing ' crimes', but we nvr ever meant it. they were all said and done, and things were forgotten the next moment. isn this like family? we may quarrel and fight, but at the end of the day, our ties still hold us together. this is the same for peke. he's family.

peke died just now.

no. he didn die. he passed away. there is a difference btw dying and passing away. dying sounds undignified and dying without any loved ones and not peacefully. passing away sounds nicer, and more peaceful. at least, we hope it was peaceful.

he died of kidney failure. it was at the last stage, and all i wanna do is to kick myself for not stroking him more, for not paying more attention to him, for not taking photos or videos with him. u see, i assumed. i assumed he was gonna stay for a long long time. i thot he would nvr die. u see, i made an ass out of u and me.

he lost a lot of weight. drastically. we all thot it was just fussiness on his part. he wasnt active. we thot he was just being proud. we were wrong. he was sick. he started vomitting blood, and we all thot it was just temporary. how wrong we were.

i know it's too late to blame anyone, but i think it's pedigree's fault. u know why? the plant in thailand was found to have mould on the food. and the vet immediately asked my sis if she had heard about the pedigree case.

anyway, it's too late. we must learn from our lesson.

peke was losing temperature and weight fast. his liver was gg down, and his kidneys were spoiled. i just wish we could have brought him to the vet more regularly. see! this just shows we can't take the people around us for granted. yes, i treat peke as a human. he has human characteristics. just tt he can't tok. so wat? he's much more sensible and generous than we can ever imagine. he was there when i needed a shoukder to cry on, he was there when i had problems, he has been there for me thru these 8 yrs. but i think the one who should feel the saddest is evon.

she did the most for him. she cared for him when he was sick. she prepared food for him when food ran out. she bathed him when he became smelly. she was like his mother, more than any of us. i think, peke trusted her the most, and tt he knew she already did her best by him. she was the one who was unselfish enough to persuade papa to go to the vet. she knew it was time to let him go.

i was selfish. i hid behind a wall of self-delusion, thinking tt as long as peke wasnt sent to the vet, he would be ok. i wanted him alive because i didn want to be sad. evon wanted him to pass on simply because she loved him.

"If you love someone, set him free". that's wat she did. it's the hardest thing anyone can do, to let go of a loved one just so he/she will be better off. i admire that. though she's younger than me, i do have to learn tt from her.

evon, i'm proud of u.

peke, always remember that u are the best friend and brother anyone could have. i hope u will be happy wherever u are, away from ur pain already, and that always remember that we will love u and remember u. be happy.

haha... went for the sea carnival heats today. it was quite fun acty, with like bout 1/3 of our class taking part... haha... we took part in the dragonboating, together with A05. though we lost, it was a good experience, and good training for my left arm, which has been lying dormant. hee...=)quite fun too, acty.. ;)

hehe, we saw yummy in yummy clothes! heh, jun and hurul didn believe how yummy yummy was until they saw him like tt. heh,they were like, "whoa, yummy is really yummy". haha... he can join manhunt u know, got the physique, and i hear the character as well. haha... =)

there was one thing though. i feel rather bad bout the relay thing. u see, i knew we had to paddle to the shore, but when we reached the orange balls, i saw ppl like turning lidat, so i turned. it didn occur to me tt they were just probably losing control of the boat. DAMN! then we were disqualified. my teammates (grace, hurul, jas, jun, and jiun pey) weren't upset with me, but i still feel tt i let them down. can u imagine?! first person to do the relay and b4 anyone else could get the chance to kayak, i spoilt it for them. argh. anyway, they said dun think bout it, but i gotta get it out of my chest. after this, chapter closed. dun be a follower anymore. argh. look where tt got me.

but there's safety in numbers, u know? like when there are many ppl doing something, u somehow feel as if u are doing e right thing, and u are not as scared to do it anymore? yep, tt prob explains y i'm often more of a follower than a leader. trying to develop more character for myself, though i think it's quite hard. the hardest thing anyone can do is to change one's natural instincts and character.

wat am i doing here? hai... i should be reading thru the econ, but i dun seem to have anymore energy. haha... i just wanna sleep! should i watch american idol? they are now down to the top 4. personally, i think jasmine trias should have been out long ago, instead of geroge huff. just coz of one performance, the contestants get kicked out? tt happened with jennifer hudson. u can't say she hasn got talent. look at the uproar her elimination caused! fantasia even said, "you are MY American Idol!!" ah well, i guess it's fate. some things just cant be forced. jus like i have to face the fact tt i have to go read econ now. argh.

the price of rationality.

insanity.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i can't stand it anymore!!! hate hate hate hate doing homework!!!!!stupid stupid!!!! i'm soooo friggin sleepy now!!!!!!!! but if i dun do these stupid stories, i'm gonna have to rush thru them tml, and there's econ case studies!! there's so much to read thru and she wants it done by thurs?! wat madness is tt? is there even like 48 hours in a day?! if there is SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME, cos i'm DYING here!!!! but anyway, even if there was, most of the time would AGAIN be taken over by hw. wats so damn new?! school would take up like 12 hrs, bout 1/4 of our friggin time. argh!!!!! i need to revise my maths!!!!! it's so cock up now lor....

heh... i sound like i'm on the verge of throwing everything around eh? well, i cant though, coz everything's so heavy, and i'm still too rational to do tt. i think tt;s wat i am. too rational. tt's y i seem to have such control over my behaviour. but sometimes it just gets so hard to hold on to tt rationality, i just wanna snap. on the other hand, my rationality would step in and tell me tt if i do tt, the consequences are gonna be ugly, so i dun do it. ironic, isn it? one moment i'm gonna snap, and the next my rationality takes over. i dun really know wat i am... so full of contradictions... haha...

it's not tt i had a bad day today.. serious! in fact, other than the weather, my day has been fine. napfa went according to wat i had planned- got a silver, which i started aiming for ever since my 2.4 got a D... and my sit and reach and shuttle run were better than i expected.... =) guess it was just some little spontaneous little burst of frustration just now, coupled with the wonderful little nagging conscience that i haven put in much effort for my SAT and GP, the subjects tt need my attention at the moment. WONDERFUL! just wat i need to spice my life up. a guilty conscience. over GP and SAT. after doing the GP quiz.

our lives are just so bloody intertwined around work, school, bloody scholarships and climbing up to the tallest ladders of our careers, only to act as baits for other ppl to pull down. is this wat life is? if so, i might as well go be a nun. argh.