Define: Chrysalis

The word "chrysalis" seems to have become an It-word lately. I kept seeing it around Orchard when I went out last Saturday. The Heeren Shops calls itself a "chrysalis" at the moment, because it's undergoing some revamps/renovation. The spa at Orchard Central is also named "Chrysalis Premiere".

"Chrysalis" does sound very pretty, doesn't it? It sounds like crystal, chrysanthemums... the shining, girly stuff. But is it? Well, having seen it so often, and having only vague memories of the term referring to a stage in the metamorphosis of an insect, I googled the term, to find that the definition of "chrysalis" is "the third of the four distinctive live stages of a butterfly. This is one of the most fascinating stages and one of the easiest to miss. Often the chrysalis is a dull brown or green color to blend in with its surrounding. This is the stage that turns the caterpillar into a butterfly." (www.mountainvalleygrowers.com/definitions.htm)

So there you have it, the reason why people would call themselves a chrysalis when they are undergoing a period of change. Similar to how a fat, ugly caterpillar changes into a butterfly, these places/people are striving towards perfection, and therefore asking us, the third parties, to be patient while they undergo the ugly stage. Similar to Chrysalis Premiere, they're trying to imply that everyone who goes to their spa will come out as pretty as a butterfly, regardless of how they looked beforehand.

But then again, the word "pupa" has the same meaning as "chrysalis". "Pupa" is a term whom most people know the definition of, and is definitely the most common term to describe this particular stage of metamorphosis. Alas, due to its not-as-feminine/magical sound, it's therefore dropped by people when choosing alternative terms for transitions.

Isn't it interesting how one term can be looked at from another perspective just based on the sound of that word? "Pupa" and "chrysalis". Same meaning, different reactions.

Lessons of Humility

Sometimes just when you think things are going smoothly, life throws a curve at you, catching you unawares. Lately, I've had several lessons in humility, which have brought me back down to earth. They were humbling, to say the least, and reminded me that I still had flaws that I would much rather ignore.

Driving lessons. I've never been scolded by a teacher before, until I took driving lessons. I guess I was always too complacent in the fact that I would deliver satisfactory work to instructors and teachers, that I never expected to get exasperation and scolding from any of them. Wellwell, and there was my wake up call. And it was a test of my pride and temper, I guess. My pride indeed took a hammering, so I had to bite my tongue to rein in my temper. I can't blame the driving instructor either, because the only reason why I was angry was simply because my pride was injured. The rest of the time, well, I guess I deserve the scolding and exasperated looks. =S I just cannot co-ordinate and remember simple moves! Parking- parallel and reverse- gave me lots of grief, and so did the stupid circuit. It's all fun and smiles and laughter when I get it right, but it's damn sickening to get them wrong, and worse still, to forget them!

You would think that if I can remember theories and laws and whatever other complicated stuff, I can certainly remember the steps in maneuvering the car in various steps. But no. Yes, that still chafes me.

One thing, though, I think my driving instructor's a rather sensitive guy. He knew that I was disappointed in myself for not being able to do well, and he kept reassuring me after the lessons that it was all due to my nerves, and also that those things weren't easy. I gotta give him credit for thinking about my feelings, when it's very easy to do so when he has been an instructor for so long, and is undoubtedly a rather good driver. So.. yah, I learnt how to swallow my pride.

Dance aerobics. I've always liked to watch people dance, and I've always had this fantasy of being able to dance like those pop stars. BUT I've known since I was 12 that I can never be un-stiff enough to dance like them, so I decided to just watch from afar. However, when I saw the notice by the management that they were going to organize a dance aerobics class, I decided to take part. Who knows, I might learn how not to be stiff? And besides, aerobics is a rather efficient way of working up a sweat, especially since I am too lazy to go down to swim, and to go to the reservoir for a jog. =p

So, yes. I cannot dance to save my life and my blasted tattered pride. Basically I was floundering around and behind everyone by half a beat, and looking at me move, you'd think I was a robot rather than a human. -_-" All right, so what did I learn from this? Again, this was a lesson in humility. I am not a perfect person, I realise that, much to my chagrin. BUT, on the bright side, I learnt that I am rather brave, after all, to look like a robot in front of a class of peers, and continue with the class. Yes, I am continuing with the class, even if it kills me. It's fun, and... well, I kind of enjoy it. It helps, too, when the instructor's a nice and patient person who understands not everyone's as co-ordinated as he is. Haha!

Running studies. What can I say? I just keep screwing up my prof's study. When am I going to learn to be more careful?

All in all, these lessons couldn't have come at a more timely time (pun not intended). I wouldn't say I've completed my lessons in humility at all, because I still have a looooong way to go in that. I think everything we do in life has its purpose for making us the way we are now, and it's just a piece of puzzle in a big picture. I hope mine turns out well!

Revelations

There's been nothing much to post lately, either cos there's been no inspiration, or because inspiration knocked at the wrong time. Haha...

So. Here are some revelations I've had these days...

1) I'm one lucky pig. Having my family and loved ones all around me as I face mountains of admin work's a blessing. Although I often complain about how naggy they can be, I think I wouldn't have had the motivation to continue on with the postgrad stuff that's really getting on my nerves. -_-"

2) Perspectives really change drastically as one grows older. In the past, I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing Sesame Street sports shoes, because they simply weren't cool. Now, I don't give two hoots to how people see my shoes and me just because I'm wearing Sesame Street ones. Some things just become less important when we grow older. Similarly, I still remember a time when we went to Disneyland, and my parents made three of us wear clothes with Disney characters. At that time, we were furious. We felt we looked stupid. But now, looking back, I think they did have a point in making us wear Disney character-decorated clothes- after all, what's the point of going to Disneyland if I'm just gonna wear a plain-coloured shirt?

This brings me to the main point of this point; that is, that adults don't mean to embarrass their children at all. It's just that there's a difference between adults and children with regard to what matters and what doesn't. To children, image means everything. To adults, as we grow older, we learn to recognise that some aspects of image are really not very important at all, and it's our identity that matters. So long as our identity's not compromised, who cares what we wear? That said, self-confidence comes with time too. We learn to be comfortable with who we are after some time, and by then, who cares if I'm wearing Sesame Street shoes to school, or *gasp* Barbie Doll shoes? So, to all children, or children of parents, it's a matter of perspective. People who love us will never mean to embarrass us.

Of course, this is easier said than done. It's easy for me to type this out, but really, if I face similar situations, I would probably get very pissed off.

But still, it is interesting to look back and get the revelation that sometimes, a difference in perspective like this really can cause friction.

Now, if only this same logic could be applied to other conflicts elsewhere....

An Urge to Blog...

Notice the lack of blog entries lately? That's cos I haven't been feeling particularly motivated to blog. Haha the thought that I've got nothing very much to contribute and having to sign in made me procrastinate. However, since I've suddenly got an urge to blog (albeit about rather mundane happenings), I shall "follow my heart" and blog whatever comes to my mind, shall I? Whee here we go!

Been having a rather hectic 2 days as a result of my chronic procrastination. I finally finished my linguistics transcription, though the result has much left to be desired, seeing as I didn't have time to go consult the experienced Hokkien speakers about words which the interviewee uttered but which I couldn't make sense of. So that left quite a few blanks and words in bold and underlines. Doesn't say much about my work ethics for that, in any case. And also, I suspect another few days of me cursing myself with, "why the hell didn't I get to this sooner?" when I start on the other work. But yes, I'm getting started on it as soon as I've finished this blog entry. Oh, and I've started on it, by the way, if it's any consolation to my superego. -_-" Haha I've never gone past any deadline before, and the linguistics transcription was the first time I stayed up one night to do but stil wasn't able to finish. Definitely a first for me. =S

And... I'm rather looking forward to the Bukit Timah excursion tomorrow. I like doing things which I'd never think of doing, or which few people have done. And I like going to nature nature places. No, really, I do, contrary to popular first impressions of me that I'm a sheltered pansy who can't take the sun. =p And really, contrary to popular belief as well, I really don't mind the sun and getting tanned, just that I mind that the sun feels rather painful these days. If it was like the old days when it didn't hurt, I wouldn't be bothered to put on sunscreen. Haha. However, this isn't a debunking popular myths of Yi Ling entry, so I shall bring the focus of this paragraph forth again. I'm looking forward to Bukit Timah! At least something different and strenuous! =)

I like doing things that make me learn too, haha that's why I like going to exhibitions and museums. I love seeing things that I don't normally see. Haha I'm vaguely aware that some level of vanity has to do with this, but frankly, I like the feeling that I actually learnt something when I go somewhere. Even meeting up with friends is, I think, an experience in itself- you get to learn more about the other party, which is why I like to go out in small groups. Big groups make me shy (really!) and I feel like I don't get to know the other people as well. So, even though we might go to supposedly boring places like shopping malls or even just out for a meal, I think these are very nice things to do in small groups too, cos you get to catch up! Haha so my point is, I like variety. =)

Which brings me to my next topic. I want to go on a holiday! I saw my friend Melissa's blog the other day, and she updated her blog with stuff from her last trip to Bangkok. OMG I really want to go. I know my wardrobe's like bursting with clothes, but as I said before, I like variety. =p It's vanity speaking again, and I agree, but I like seeing variety!! I like the variety and the cheap prices Bangkok offers- it makes me very happy. Haha!!

And now I sound like I'm on a sugar high, when really, all I wanna do now is to plop into bed and sleep away, but if I do, I'd never get anything done.

And there you have it, random mindless blogging which all link together and finally tie up to make a conclusion that reminds me I've got to go do my work already.








That statement above doesn't really make sense, does it?

First Foray into Chef-dom!

Ok well it's not my first time cooking, but it was indeed my first time cooking a 3-course meal. Credit can't go to me completely of course, BUT I'm proud to say that I did most of the stuff by myself k! For those who don't know me that well, Mira is usually the one who cooks, so I seldom go into the kitchen. But because this is the hols, and I really do have to start somewhere if I am going to survive in Australia by myself next year (a big assumption that I am indeed going overseas), why not start from something fun? So.... I decided to cook a 3-course for my family and Mr Ang. What was the menu?

Soup of the Day:

Cream of mushroom soup with garlic bread

Appetiser:

Bacon, asparagus and prawn roll

Main Course:

Granny Smith pork chops

Dessert:

Sago gula melaka

The recipe's not from me though, but from Deli Aprecio Club's newest publication, Campus Cooking, which is supposed to provide easy-to-make recipes that can be accomplished in hall. Well... I have to say, dessert was not too bad, and the appetiser too, but the pork chops.... well, if I hadn't been an amateur at cooking, I might have found it easy. However, being the noob (hah! first time I use this word!) I am, I was basically just doing things by ear. The results weren't bad at all! Let me show you!

Well you'd have to excuse the cutlery used, especially for the soup. I'm quite proud of the plate used for the dessert though, totally forgot we had such cute ones. Of course, the graphic on the plate is not very appropriate, but the size and the feeling (using HK accent) of the graphic was quite good. =)

I served dinner as how a restaurant would serve it, just to give my mother a kick out of it. Haha, so I was basically the waitress, the cook, and washer (with the help of Mira, of course). And get a kick out of this she did, my mother. They were all pretty amused that I was doing all that, but I liked the feeling. I realised it's a nice feeling to cook for my loved ones, and see them getting pleasure out of it. And if I could amuse them while I was at it... why not? =)

And of course, while I'm at it, this is the book which made it possible:

Special thanks to Mira for her help in the kitchen, and to everyone who enjoyed my food! =)

Holiday!

I'll be going to Myanmar from 16th to 24th May, and Myanmar doesn't have network coverage for phones, so don't be alarmed if I don't reply your messages k! =) Happy holidays!

81 Ugly Truths about Hong Kong Girls

While having lunch with Venus, she brought up this topic about Hong Kong girls. Apparently, the hot topic in HK now is the slamming of the 'spoilt' behaviors of HK girls, and there's a group set up by HK guys (called Anti Golddigger's Alliance Hong Kong) that talk about what they dislike about them, and from their conversations, they compiled a list of 81 deadly sins, as shown below:

1. greedy and lacking in humility
2. always wants the guy to pay
3. claims not to like HK guys, but they can't get any
4. calls your man playboy, yet is a playgirl herself
5. always makes the man compromise, never her
6. dreams about being with a lawyer or doctor
7. when deemed a pork chop by guys, thinks she's shit hot
8. thinks she's hot and men want her, but the reverse is true
9. acts "cute" but is childish
10. when ignored, becomes attention whore
11. self deluded12. loves brand name and still buys counterfeits
13. wastes $
14. speaks English to pretend to be sophisicated (Chinglish)
15. dresses stylish but they all end up looking alike
16. thinks she's all that
17. fantasizes about men staring at her (when guys are really staring at a retard)
18. Priority in life is to seek the riches of men
19. expects to have someone pay for meals
20. pretends to forget her wallet
21. argues over a few bucks
22. likes to meet men at bars
23. spends time and $ prettying herself, but still looks ugly
24. knows nothing but expects her man to know everything
25. never lets her man talk to other girls, yet she checks out other dudes
26. claims to be a virgin
27. makes her man as her servant
28. likes celeb gossip mags
29. and as a result knows jack shit about life
30. expects sugardaddy to support her for life
31. dreams about marrying into riches
32. snarky with others but gets pissed when snarked at
33. complains that her man hires hookers, but she does 1 night stands
34. thinks many men want her
35. buy clothes with her man, expects him to pay
36. when sick, expects 24 hr care by her man. But not other way around
37. expects diamond ring for birthday(s)
38. always buys cosmetics and overuses them on dates
39. compares men with other HK girls online
40. flakes on and dumps guys in your 20s, yet yearns to be married in 30s.
41. Still likes Hello Kitty, yet criticizes HK guys for liking manga, anime and call them poison
42. hits guys, but when guys hit back, they're called bullies
43. accuses men of insincerity when given cheap gifts
44. loves romance novels, lives in fantasy world...
45. always wants to shop in malls, no sense of adventure
46. brings up men/women equality if it benefits her
47. criticizes openly when men are ugly, yet refuses to look into the mirror
48. never wants to re-wear the same clothes
49. likes flirting with guys online
50. likes to gossip
51. gossips with her friends but tells her man to shut his mouth
52. doesn't let her man look at other chicks but fantasizes about male pop idols
53. greedy for money
54. will sacrifice everything for money
55. will do anything for money, if you have none she will dump your ass
56. carries a few thousand on her (including shoes, bag, clothes etc)
57. thinks she calls all the shots
58. expects her man to love her a lifetime, yet she's the dumper
59. dumps a guy, then goes back to him and says she's lonely. Nobody cares
60. after dumping a guy, publicizes his personal contact info online
61. thinks everything she does is right, and the guy is always wrong.
62. uses breaking up as threats to anything
63. 1st priority when with a guy, to help "safeguard" his wallet
64. likes to put down guys
65. nice outside, evil inside
66. puts down mainland Chinese, thinks all mainland Chinese girls are hookers
67. when meeting guys, criteria #1) good looking? #2) got $?
68. doesn't read, but pretends to know it all
69. heavily believes in astrology
70. freaks out when guy doesn't call for a day, thinks he's cheating
71. expects a lot from a guy but doesn't allow him to object to anything
72. simple minded
73. believes everything people say, cannot think and judge for herself
74. worships western countries, if it is not made there don't buy!
75. knows nothing about computers other than net surfing. 256 vs 512? What is that?
76. overly describes herself as "sexy"
77. compares her man with other men
78. measures a man by his money
79. imitates other people's sense of fashion
80. shares secrets and personal things with her man, with other people
81. after eating, if there's nothing else to do, goes to http://www.yelp.com/redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fshe.com to talk shit about HK guys.

I put this up out of interest, and I think... some of these are not limited to girls only, and they're also not limited to HK girls. That said, some of the items sounded like they were from a recent relationship where the girl dumped the guy and the guy was just bitter about the whole thing and started slamming the girl. Haha don't you think some of them do sound so?

So, guys, what do you think about this? Are they applicable to Singapore girls?

The Mother of All Accidents

I think stairs don't like me. Or maybe... there's a conspiracy theory against me. In any case, most of my serious accidents have involved slipping down a flight of stairs. Sheesh. First was the spectacular fall in Sabah, where I hit my lower back. That accident made me rather wary of stairs from that day on.

And today was the flight of stairs in my house. Dammit. I was carrying a rather heavy tray of plates and sauces and glasses down the stairs, and cos the stairs was slippery, I missed my footing and whoosh! I literally flew down the stairs. Needless to say, almost everything on the tray- save two plates and one bowl- crashed. The sound was tremendous I tell you. And luckily I stuck my legs out straight so they wouldn't get caught with the rest of my body and risk getting sprained. Ahh but I hit my butt and my lower back. Again. Damn. This time though, the hit wasn't that great on my back or butt, but I call it the mother of all accidents cos of the ruckus I caused.

Now I get the eebie-jeebies when I walk down the stairs at home. I keep imagining myself flying down them all over again. Argh. Haha maybe if I do this often enough, I might get a phobia of walking down stairs? Or would I start getting delusions of persecution, thinking that beings stay under staircases, just waiting to get me? Haha!! Now, that's a pretty entertaining thought... =p

Where are they now?

Hit by a sudden wave of nostalgia, I was overcome by curiosity to find out what happened to the Power Rangers we were so crazy about back in Primary school, and man, you won't believe how much has changed in the past years....

Amy Jo Johnson- Pink Ranger (Kimberly Ann Hart- as an aside, I didn't realise they had surnames as well! =p):

She became a singer and part of the band Valhalla after Power Rangers. She's also a songwriter, and occasionally acts, but that's pretty seldom now I guess, considering how we don't see her on screen anymore. Oh, and she became a mother!

Austin St. John- Red Ranger (Jason Lee Scott):

Firstly, I couldn't believe how different he looks now from last time. Here's a picture I found of him from the Internet, courtesy of http://www.alexkyle.it/austin/ :



And after leaving Power Rangers, he "produced and starred in the video Karate Masters – Beginning Martial Arts For Kids and published the book Karate Warrior – A Beginner’s Guide To Martial Arts (ISBN 1561387843), which he co-wrote with Steve Rowe... continued teaching martial arts and later became a firefighter and got his EMT training." (quoted from Austinstjohn.net).

Jason David Frank- Green and White Ranger, and later, Red and Black Ranger (Tommy Oliver)

He was a martial arts instructor before Power Rangers, and after that, currently owns 4 Karate schools. He was recently inducted into the Karate Hall of Fame and has been married twice.

Walter Jones- Black Ranger (Zack Taylor)

After Power Rangers, he went back to the series several times after that and provided his voice for the villains and some machines. As he continued in the acting scene, he also had major roles in some independent movies.

David Yost- Blue Ranger (Billy Cranston)

He was a prize-winning gymnast before Power Rangers! Haha, this came as a surprise to me cos in the series, he was always shown as someone who only knew computers and not any other sport-related activities. Anyway, he made a few appearances as well in Power Rangers after he left, and after that, continued in the acting scene.

Thuy Trang- Yellow Ranger (Trini Kwan)

This came as a huge shock for me. Thuy Trang passed away in 2001 in a car crash. And she was a Vietnamese, not a Chinese as Power Rangers would have us believe. Haha.

Yup, so there you have it. Interesting how life turns out isn't it? And for old times' sake, here's a video from the first season:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8RWeKkCprc

Hmm...

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Words

I have a love/hate relationship with words. Words can be used to mean so much, and they're the basis of communication, but on the flip side, they can also be used to mask so much, and mean so little.

How many times have we used words to say what we don't mean? And with the advance of technology, lying through words has become much easier. Let's take SMS for example. Let's say you're angry with a friend for doing something to you, yet you don't want him/her to know about it. All you have to do is type, "Hey, it's all right. =)" and the prob is solved. Your friend won't know you're angry, and you can maintain harmony just like that. It's just a simple usage of exclamation marks and smileys and there you have it- peace. Which also brings to mind a conversation I had with Si Huan. We were saying that there are many ways of passing a message, and some peopl just have to use the worst way possible to convey it. While I appreciate the tact that comes with the choice of words, the fact that it's merely the choice of words used doesn't escape my notice. So people can actually use words to hurt without drawing any blood, simply by using the right choice.

So how meaningful does that make words? We can also make use of different words for different effects. Social science students do it best. We use words to vaguely refer to certain concepts or flaws in our reports, so that we don't make the limitations of our study so glaring. We use ambiguous words like "almost", "probably" to protect ourselves from being accused of being absolute.

But of course, using words to achieve the meaning that you want is fun. It's also fun when you make use of words to make jokes or have double entendres. And we cannot deny the power of words. How else did the idiom "the pen is mightier than the sword" come about?

That said, with my current relationship with words, I think the idiom missed a second part. It should be "the pen is mightier than the sword, but the sword is quicker in deed". Don't you think so? The sword (or brute force, as the sword is supposed to represent) is faster and more direct in delivering its message, while we have to spend time deciphering the meaning between words.

In my opinion, therefore, words are dangerous weapons. It is mightier than the sword, definitely, because it kills more lethally than the latter. If a person is killed by the sword, at least the person knows what hit him. With the pen... well, that's if the person is quick enough to realise that he is being attacked by it, right?

Rain

I love rainy weathers! I love the aftereffects of the rain- the surroundings look cleaner and sharper, and kinda give the feeling that a new chapter is about to start. Haha, this sounds very much like a lit analysis of some movie or book, doesn't it, where at the end of the story, there is a pouring rain and the main character smiles and walks off into the sunset and you instinctively know that whatever's going to happen to him or her from hereon will be bright and happy? I feel like that too, and when I see my surroundings in such sharp focus, I can't help feeling this sense of excitement that something is going to happen. =)

Did you ever feel that heavy rains shield you from the rest of the world? I felt like that recently, and I liked that feeling. More specifically, I realised recently (from doing my fyp) that doing my report on Yi Lun's table, using the table lamp (yes, I think turning on my room light spoils the atmosphere), and watching the rain from the room, makes me feel that I'm in a place of my own, a private sanctuary which no one can breach. Here's a look at the view from my room:





A whimsical thought I often have these days while writing my report is that I'm an impoverished, undiscovered best-selling author writer trying to write my first novel. Haha that thought gives me quite a kick actually, seeing as how I wanted to be an author or journalist at one time.

Of course, who could forget the coolness brought about by the rain? I definitely prefer coolness to heat. Heat makes me irritable and nasty, but coolness keeps me nice and happy.

If you're thinking that the rain restricts my movements out of the house and I should therefore be upset about it, let me assure you that I don't really mind not going out of the house. Haha! I love staying at home, especially when it rains.

Come to think of it, I tend to write more of my report when it rains; yesterday morning was too hot, and I couldn't squeeze anything out of my brain no matter how hard I tried to bully it. When the weather turned cooler, I was pleased to find that I could cover quite a bit of my report. Ahh... the miracle of the rain.... =)

Dammit I miss my sisters! =(

Influences

I think alot of factors in our lives can affect our lives drastically. New people we meet, close friends, our moods, our loved ones' moods, basically anything, can change the way we see things, the way we feel, the way we think.

I was reading some of my friends' blogs, and I realised (not that I didn't before, just that it's even closer to home now than before) that victory is relative. What may seem perfect to one person may seem lacking to another. And I wanted to tear as I read some of these friends' blogs. I was touched and inspired that they are strong enough to motivate themselves after so many setbacks and failures, and still had hope to achieve their dreams in the end. It made me wonder if I would have the strength to pick myself up, if I hadn't had the support of my family throughout those times.

My 'O' level results were a disaster. Nobody in my family expected me to go to a school less than TJC. But surprise, surprise, I did. But my family didn't give up on me, nor looked down on me. They still believed that I could do better for myself the next time round. I didn't do enough to make them very proud of me, but I gained something which was more valuable- my self-esteem. I'd lost it in secondary school due to several factors, among which was that I was among the cream of the crop. Now, that isn't always a bad thing, considering it made competitiveness a survival instinct in me, and that is something that is not easily gained. The self-confidence and self-esteem I gained in JC was valuable. And I didn't do well for 'A' levels to impress anyone, yes, but I did in NTU. Well, of course, I couldn't get first-class honours, but I did well enough to make my parents proud of me.

And why did I do well in NTU? Again, this goes back to my starting paragraph- the people I met. I met very supportive and nurturing friends, which made my adjustment into uni life better. I don't think I'd have enjoyed hall that much if Serene hadn't been my first roommate, or if I hadn't met Seow Ling, Mei Shi, An Li, Hui Li and Jeanette, and I don't think I'd have enjoyed psych as much as I have if I hadn't met PASYM. These people were the starting points of my life in uni, and they had further reinforced the self-worth I had gained back. And of course, there is my family. Who doesn't know that taking Linguistics as one of the modules is enough to kill? That's the module that drives me to sleepless nights and not a few tears everytime I take it, and of course, my family's always there to witness it. They made it so much easier for me to continue doing what I had to do, by removing some of the little details of my life which, though little, are the areas I can't live without, like food. Without all these people around me, I think I wouldn't have had a peaceful and rather interesting life in uni, much less even want to consider furthering my studies.

And then I met Kok Yong. He's a source of inspiration for me. Everytime I'm tired, or don't feel like working, the thought of him still being able to continue doing whatever he does so well despite being so tired makes me wonder if I'm justified to put aside my work. I don't deny that many times I've succumbed to temptation and slacked off, but knowing Kok Yong made me realise just how much effort I have to put in if I want to do something with my life. I don't think I'll ever become as superhuman as him, but I do hope to learn some of them from him, such as being decisive. Haha, goodness knows how horrible I am at making decisions. And... many people may think that he's often too consumed with his work to bother about anything else. I think... that's a misconception to a certain extent. True, he's very focused on his work, to the point of obsession at times, but he doesn't forget about those around him. Many times, I've been touched by the way he remembers little details of my life, like reminding me to bring my inhalers when I go out, or just taking care of me. They're not the wonderfully mushy romantic gestures and could be easily overlooked, but it's these that indicate that those around him are not forgotten.

All these people never fail to make me almost come to tears when I talk about them. I'm serious. Ask me about them, especially my family, and chances are, you'll see me tearing very soon. Haha. Emotional? I guess so, but I owe too much to them.

But of course, borrowing strength from all these people in my life necessarily entails sharing in some of their moods, and becoming affected by them. The closer I am to them, the more affected I am by them. I can't help worrying about them when they are not happy, or when things are not going smoothly in their lives. It's not that I don't care or I don't know when I don't ask- I just think that there's a reason why they don't approach me when they have their problems, and they'll come when they're ready. Of course, sometimes I put my big foot in my big mouth and say the wrong things and end up hurting them more than I intended. And sometimes, I'm insensitive to their needs or end up not being as supportive as they'd like. But I'm still trying to improve, and give back as much as I've taken from them. I'm not a very patient person, but I'm trying my best to be.

I hope this is enough.

Touched by a student

My student made my day yesterday. Fridays are heavy tuition days for me, cos I teach 6 hours consecutively. Yesterday was the first time I tried it out, and man, was it tiring. I didn't realise teaching English could be so draining. -_-"

Anyway, my last student- the one from the 7-9pm slot- thought that since I was teachingfor 6 hours consecutively, I might not have brought dinner, much less have had it, since I had been teaching since 3pm. So he walked out after taking his dinner, and bought bread and teh-peng for me. The bread was the normal kopitiam bread- bread with kaya and jam etc, and he bought one whole loaf of it (8pieces) for me. OMG.

I was so pleasantly surprised by his gesture, cos it showed that he actually cared that I might not have eaten, and would feel hungry and tired. I was also impressed, cos he didn't strike me as the kind to take this sort of initiative. I didn't expect many students to acually consider their tuition teachers maybe hungry- after all, we are selling a service, and most people don't take service people as real people, get what I mean? Yep, so my student's consideration was really very nice and inspiring. Haha... I was so touched I immediately smsed Kok Yong to tell him about it.

Though my student felt his gesture was very small, I think of it as a rather big deal, cos it's not often that people whom you aren't close to actually bother to think about how you're doing.

Yep, I'm very impressed indeed. =)

Stationery

I gotta confess something.


I really love stationery. My favourite forms of stationery are mechanical pencils and notebooks. Haha, not that I have many uses of them- after all, how many notebooks can you use, and how often do we use pens, now that we are in the digital age? Sometimes I feel it's a waste to buy so much stationery, but the sight of them... haiiiii... it's how girls go ga-ga over shoes and bags I guess. Just that... I do love bags too, but that's another story.

Just got an organizer for myself. Haha I feel so happy just looking at it. It makes me wanna become a go-getter overnight. Suddenly I feel alot of motivation to do my work, just so I can cross out the things I did inside my organizer. *blush* All right, back to work, then I can play with my organizer already.

I do so love the feeling of a messy life slowly getting into order, don't you? ;)


And on a completely unrelated note, my cough's almost gone! Yay!! Soon I'll be able to go to Arnold's Fried Chicken. Oh man, I haven't been there so long.... Maybe I'll do a post on it, so that you all can see why I'm so crazy about it that I started dreaming of it a few weeks ago.

Ok byebye!

Hall

It feels like Chinese New Year as I'm typing this now in my room in hall. Nope, it's not the noise or the decor, but it's the light in the corridor outside. It's rather bright tonight for some reason... Maybe it's cos they just painted the walls white, so the light kinda reflects on the walls to make it brighter than it really is?

Why does this remind me of CNY? Haha well that's cos the bright light reminds me of Chinatown, and of the time when we 守岁 on the Eve of CNY. I still remember how my parents would go to Chinatown on CNY's eve, and then we'd wait for them to come back to see the pussywillows and other CNY decor they bought, and help them put it up. The next day's always full of excitement, even though it's the same thing every year- get up, wish everyone Happy New Year, get angpows, have breakfast, change, go visiting. It's like, for once in the year, there's no worry about schoolwork, or any other thing that's stressful. For that one day, everything is put aside for goodwill and smiles. I really like that. =)

This year will be better than the last, cos Evon's back! I wish Yi Lun was here though, it would make everything more complete. CNY and Christmas are not as fun when the whole family's not around... Oh well, all these will change soon!!

Caught in the Middle

Have you ever been caught in the middle before? When no matter how you answer, fireworks was sure to start, and the only thing you could do was to keep it to yourself or tell neutral parties who can't really help you?

Ironically, in this circumstance, what seems like a win-win situation is actually a win-lose situation. Both parties win, cos they don't know, or don't want to see, the problem that's staring them in the face. And the person trying to keep the problem under wraps is the one who's getting bombed.

The question here is, to what extent can the person keep the problem quiet? If the person's privacy is compromised, is it time to voice it out? But what happens if a war breaks out between the two parties if the person lets out the problem? Is it the person's fault? Who takes responsibility here?

Miserable

It's been a miserable 4 days for me. I've been lying in bed practically the whole day, just sleeping and watching tv (well, that's when I'm not knocked out by the medicine). It's quite irritating, though. Other than the fever which usually leaves me knocked out, I'm perfectly fine. I can deal with the cough; but the fever makes me feel soooo lethargic that I can't make myself move out of bed to walk anywhere. Argh. And to make things worse, the fever didn't seem to subside at all. Oh, it wasn't a very high fever, always hovering between 37.7-37,8, but it made my extremities freeze and my face red and my body painful. So yah, you can imagine. -_-"

Furthermore, I don't like the way it has inconvenienced my life! I was supposed to celebrate Kok Yong's birthday with him yesterday, but because of the darned fever, the poor boy had to spend his birthday alone. Man I feel so bad about it. And that's not all. I had to cancel out on a meet-up with Merrilyn and Corrine today. To think we had changed the dates so many times, only to have me getting sick. Argh. Lucky Kok Yong, Merrilyn and Corrine are nice, understanding people.

Luckily, the fever seems to have broken, so I should be able to get on with my life pretty soon... just that I wish the stupid pain in my head would quit shooting down my brain. It makes me twitch like I'm having spasms! Cough I can still handle. The brain thing? NOOOO!

Of gatherings and old friends

Every holiday is promised with gatherings with my friends from different stages of my life- primary school, secondary school, JC, and University. JC friends haven't been that often, cos I think we're all very busy right now. But there're definitely many gatherings around every holiday.



What I like about these gatherings is that there's no fear of having a lack of conversation. In fact, conversation flows freely, and though you have plenty to catch up with each other on, there's always this sense that nothing has changed between us, and I like that old familiarity very much. No outing's better than one where the participants share laughter and conversation with each other, and where everyone can feel at ease.



Like the picnic we had for the psych year 4 students on Tuesday. Although very few people turned up, and the outing looked like it was gonna be a disappointment, things didn't turn out badly in the end. In fact, we spent our time talking and eating, and just basically getting to know one another. I got to know Ming Han better too- haha I talked to him more that day than I have for the past 4 years! Haha, but of course, all this is relative. =) The point here is, that it was an enjoyable time spent with friends.

Then I met Karen for dinner on Wednesday evening. Oh man, that was really enjoyable. We've been friends since we were 13, and 9 years on, we still have a continuous flow of conversation. And she's a very nice person to shop with too! Although she was really tired from being in the lab after almost a 12-hour day, she still went with me from shop to shop looking for Evon's present. And she even bothered to help me think of which colour is the best for that present. I really appreciated that. Thanks, Karen!

And then even earlier on, the very first gathering I had, was with Si Wei. Haha, who would have thought that even though we weren't very close to each other in primary school, we'd still be keeping in contact now? I find that very amazing. And even more amazing is the fact that we can still have topics to talk about, which I appreciate very much. Haha and Si Wei, thanks for tolerating me so much- the books and cds which I take AGES to return, and also for being so understanding when I can't talk very long with her on MSN and on the phone, and for the very seldom meet-ups! Thanks Si Wei for being so understanding!

Ooh and how could I forget Yaying and Yan Fang? We just had an enjoyable but tiring outing to Hort Park, the forest trails, and Henderson Wave awhile ago, and they were so nice to keep me company to wait for Kok Yong, even though it would be super late by the time they reached home. I really enjoy catching up with them, it's very confortable and we can talk about basically everything under the sun too. Nice!

And somemore gatherings coming up I think! Serene, I don't know if you still read my blog, but let's meet up too with Ee Hui they all! Haven't seen u all in ages! And Wednesday's another meetup with Merrilny (my dear girl I also haven't seen you for a long time!) and another girl, and... there might be a psych xmas party in the works!

Haha I do hope all these will still continue long after this and I know it's so primary school to say this, but, friends forever! Haha!