Being Mindful

Got emotional while reading one of the family's blogs. It made me tear at some of the more pensive statements about her life. It's hard to accept that everyone else's life goes on, whether or not we are there with them. Just like how I wish I could be with everyone while I'm here in Perth, while wanting to lead my own life and experience life abroad on my own while here. While we gain something, we lose something. It's kind of like the dog in Aesop's fables. Perhaps we really shouldn't be too greedy.

There was a picture on Facebook today as well, with a quote by the Dalai Lama, saying that Man spends his time wanting other things and not looking at what they had in the present, in the end dying without having really lived. I guess that's what I've been doing - yearning for the past and future, but never really accepting what is happening in the present. I do enjoy what I'm getting here at the moment, but I don't think I've ever stopped to fully appreciate that I've got the chance of a lifetime here that many others can only dream or fantasize about. Yet here I am, going on about being over my life here. I learnt many things here in Perth - not only about clients, but also about myself. I learnt to be stronger, to be more independent, to be more assertive. I wouldn't want to change the person I have become here.

It's time to focus on the present, and take what I can get from this.

Loss

Just read on Facebook that one of my secondary school schoolmates' mother had passed away in April. Well I'm not in any way close to him, but I still feel very sad about it. Losing someone close to you is something nobody ever gets used to, including those around you.

I couldn't help thinking what would happen if the loss happened to me one day. I know I would be devastated. Imagine knowing that the person you love or have known all your life leaving you. No more phone calls, no more Skype, no more nagging. Doesn't the theme of Beautifully Imperfect fit this? We start to miss everything about the person - how we wish that person would quarrel with us once more, nag at us once more... could haves, would haves, and should haves would be flooding through our minds.

I wanted to leave a message for this schoolmate, but I wasn't sure what to say. I'm not close to him; what could I say that he hasn't heard before? What could I say that would make him feel better? Nothing. It's hard to put into words the multitude of feelings you feel towards a person's situation when you start to think that that could happen just as easily to you and the implications of that loss. It's a bit of an easy thing to say, but I hope he feels better soon and know that perhaps his mother is in a better place now with no more pain.

How Time Flies!

I never thought I'd feel as proud of someone as I am of Evon. Yesterday was her graduation, and I really wish I could be there with her to share in her joy. I'm so damn proud of her I wanna tell everyone about it. I was telling my housemates about her and how much I wish I was there and that I was so looking forward to going back home and seeing them.

Looking back, time has really flown, and Evon has really grown into a sensible and mature girl. I remember when we were in primary school, Evon would always be the one who tested boundaries and be the one standing out. That didn't really fit the family culture paternally, and really, to me, what Evon had been doing was just.... preposterous, unheard of, sacrilegious! But now, I realize, without that, Evon wouldn't have become the Evon she has become today, possessing so many qualities that I wish I had. Who cares if she didn't use to have many friends in primary school? She has lasting friendships with those she has been friends with. Who cares that she never went on stage to receive prizes in school? She's now Doctor Tay Yi Fang. Who cares that she used to get into trouble when she was young and used to spoil things? Now she repairs lives and is a pillar of support for us.

I just wanted to say, I'd never been prouder of Evon than yesterday (well, I have been proud of her, but I'm especially proud of her now), and I can't wait to see her and Yi Lun again. =)

Humbled Once Again

It's always amazing and humbling to know that one is liked by those around one. Once again, this year's birthday has been nothing short of humbling and touching.

A surprise birthday party was planned for me, with elaborate planning on how to get me to Michael's house for the BBQ, and Shawn and Andrea waking up early to come down to fetch me and buying sausages before the party, and Megan arriving earlier to decorate Michael's house, Joanna bringing so many pots and pans and mixing bowls and ingredients to make a damn good salad, and Wing making the birthday cake for me early in the morning, and coming home to find that Maggie and the others had gone out to buy a birthday cake for me. It's amazing to know that people like me that much to make such an effort, and for that, I am truly thankful.

Friends from Singapore sent messages via Facebook to wish me Happy Birthday and wishing me luck in Perth. Well I really need all these good wishes, and it's always nice to know that I'm not being forgotten even though everyone's life has gone on without me in the picture.

Most importantly, family members and Kok Yong made this a special day for me too. Papa and Mummy's message in the morning made me cry so hard because I could feel the love coming from the message and how much they missed me and wished I could be back at home with them where they could celebrate it with me. Kok Yong kept me company through to 2.40am on the day of my birthday (19th Feb to 20th Feb), and kept calling me to talk to me that day. Although he wasn't able to come online at night, what more could a girl ask for on her birthday? Evon waited for me online the whole day to wish me Happy Birthday. Really, for the things I've been blessed with, I'm most thankful to have been blessed with so many people who love me for who I am and who have helped me so much in my life. I don't think I'd have made it this far if not for the persevering support of my family.

When you look back on your life, you realise that you have actually accomplished more than what you had ever expected, had made the acquaintance of a wider variety than you ever imagined, and had an exposure to life that was different from what you imagined.

Sometimes, things happen for a reason. We may not see it at that point in time, but when you look back and see the patterns, you can't help but be amazed at how things turned out the way you wouldn't want to change. I have made mistakes and regretted certain actions, but now, looking back, I wouldn't trade anything for the world.

Life Is Like A Cup of Coffee - Inspirational Video Movie

Instead

I saw him shaking his change in a coffee cup
Asked for a dollar but I told the man to give it up
Said he's hungry i dont think that it's true
I bet my dollar he'd just spend it on booze
I turned my back on him and began to walk away
But then i heard a little voice inside me say
What if it's really true? What if he's hungry?
What if it's not for him? Does he have a family?

How'd you get here
How'd you end up on the street
Where did you go wrong
Wonder what I'd do if it were me

Chorus:
A new point of view
A walk in your shoes
I wish I could get inside your head
To see what you see
When you look at me
Cause I could have lived your life instead

Verse2:
It was 90 degrees in the Summer heat
She was veiled in black all the way down to her feet
This is America doesn't she know
Somebody take her shopping buy her some clothes
She came up to me I didn't understand a word
I was about to leave then another thought occurred
She must be really lost scared and frustrated
I should try again to see what she's saying

How'd you get here
How'd you get so far from home
What was it that made you leave
Wonder what I'd do if it were me

Chorus:
A new point of view
A walk in your shoes
I wish I could get inside your head
To see what you see when you look at me
Cause I could have lived your life instead

I wanna see oh see what you see
And I wanna feel oh feel just what you feel

Cos I could have lived your life instead

- Stacie Orrico

How true. Probably sums up my reasons for wanting to become a psychologist. Isn't it always illuminating to see how much a person can construe the same situation differently from you and realise that that person has grounds for viewing the world in the world they do? It's always interesting to see how our judgments of right and wrong are dependent on how we were brought up, and really, nobody is right, neither is anyone wrong. It's always a lesson in humility, and one I enjoy doing.

That said, I still believe strongly that we should all keep to the values that are important to us, while maintaining the open-mindedness that there are people who will have views and ways of doing things that are different from us, and respecting that. I'm still learning it, and I hope I'll get better.

Everything in its Time

Everyone needs time to think about their past actions in order to grow. I find that when you give things or people time, over time (no pun intended), you do find that things do change. So there's no use in getting upset over what you can't change when it's just going to do so sooner or later. We need to give ourselves and others time to get used to us too.

I think with this mindset, I've come to let go of many things. Some things are not worth pulling my hair over when I've got other things to think about and other things to do. Why spend my resources on things I can't help right now when I can spend my resources on things and people and build up my relationships with them?

I should have come to this realization years ago. That would have saved me alot of heartache. But then again, this probably wouldn't have had such a big impact on me as it does now, and I probably wouldn't have learnt so much. So, there you have it - everything in its time.

Note to my 16 year old self

Horrible results they were, weren't they? But you know what? Things happen for a reason. There's no need to be in the top school or at the top all the time. You're always going to feel you need to feel on top, but that's going to be more manageable as you grow older, because this time, you're better able to accept that when things happen a certain way, it doesn't mean that opportunities are going to be closed. Nuh-uh. You'll find that going to TPJC's not going to be all that bad for your self-esteem. It's where you're likely to find yourself and be a happier person again. Satisfaction with yourself does not mean that you have to be on top all the time. TPJC is not the best thing in the world to have happened, but it's not the end of the world. You might think I'm crazy and that going to TPJC's going to close alot of doors for you. But nope! You're going to get the experience of a lifetime, and you're going to become a better person because of all that. Better still, you're going to learn how to be stronger. You're not going to be a perfect person, of course, neither are you going to be the top scorer of the school. But you're going to find back the person you lost sight of before.

Let go, and go open the new chapter of your life. If there's one thing I've learnt in all these years, it's to give everything time. Everyone needs time to adjust and think about what's right. If you feel that it's right and you're doing something that you value and feel comfortable doing, go ahead. Trust yourself and your attributes, and that will get you the help and direction you need. Jiayou k?

So far...

I thought I'd be blogging more while I'm in Australia, but alas, I haven't had the time to. The last 2 weeks have been really long weeks. Each previous day feels like it happened a week ago, and everyday is just so filled with things to do that I can't quite differentiate each day from the other apart from my client meetings, and even then, it takes effort to recall what day it is. Supervisions are the same. I can't quite remember what went on in the last session, thinking that the last session happened 2 weeks ago instead of one. =S Each day has seen me holed up in the clinic, such that Michael has now deemed me as a permanent fixture there, not needing to change, only summoning my jacket from my room. Ahh hilarious. =p

Last week was a rather stressful week, with 4 deadlines due in just two days. It was a pretty intense experience, though I think it was rather interesting. Haha. I had two presentations - one on Wednesday and one on Thursday, and on Thursday, I had to submit an essay, and do an exam. So it was studying and research, all needing to be completed in one weekend. It was interesting to see how I coped. I thought I would have broken down and started losing my temper with family and Kok Yong and became more tearful, but the opposite happened. I was the same as always, and still able to talk and joke with people, and those in Singapore. Instead of thinking, "Oh bloody hell, I'm not going to finish this", I realised I wasn't thinking anything about that at all. And the funny thing is, I was in the moment of experiencing what I was experiencing. Sounds weird, eh? It was like I had two minds - one was trying to meet all my deadlines, while the other was observing from a little distance away, noting down my feelings and thoughts, and being vaguely amazed that I could really do it. Of course, I do have to give credit where it is due. My classmates have been exceptionally supportive, offering to pick up the slack - they had told me not to bother with participating in compiling the information required for Thursday's exam and that they would share the information with me - and also offering support in the form of asking how I am coping, encouragements, and also giving me air time to air my grievances if I wanted to. Haha there's a reason why these people are budding clinical psychologists, I guess. It's pretty interesting to observe what goes on in the staff room. Lots of support around, but also lots of anxiety when deadlines loom. Pretty much a hot place to be if you wanna observe psychologists behind the scenes. =p Of course, family and Kok Yong have been wonderful to me too. I really can't imagine how life would have been over here if they hadn't been there for me to vent my frustrations and air my thoughts. =)

This week has seen me going back to the flat at midnight, working on the WISC videos. The video wasn't perfect, but I don't think I have the energy nor time to redo 2 hours' worth of videoing, so I'm going to leave it at that. If it was only me doing the video, I might have reconsidered redoing it. But this involves another person's time, and it is not fair to ask my partner to stay back till so late when we all have our work to do.

Postgrad is indeed different from my NTU days. Although it was busy in NTU, there weren't so many strict deadlines I had to meet. Now, because the internal practicum is in a professional (albeit safer) setting, reports, tests, and summaries have to be done promptly. Records have to be kept neatly and accurately, and we have to do these on top of juggling school work.

But on top of these, I'm really glad I have the opportunity to come here to experience a different life. I might complain about the stress and the demands, but I'm really enjoying this, and I think if I didn't go through this experience now, I would never get a chance to do this ever again. Everything is interesting to me - even being different from the others in terms of accent, habits, and way of thinking, feeling, acting, it's been interesting observing the differences and appreciating them. I have found that my classmates are very open with sharing their culture with me, and they have often been mindful of the fact that I am an international student, so they have taken the time to explain their habits, culture, language, and bureaucracy to me. I have asked them many stupid questions, like, "When Australians say 'How do you do', do they really expect an answer?" (Ans: not really, but depends on the person), "Say foot. Say food. Why do you pronounce it differently?" and many others which I can't think of at the moment. And they haven't laughed at me, but explained it to me in all seriousness. This is really positive for me, as I have learnt that sometimes, stupid questions need to be asked in order to let us learn more. And today, Kate was listening to a song on the radio, and she just told Wing and me that it was an Australian song that is always played at pubs. It's called "Run to Paradise" by the Choirboys. She just thought she would share additional information about Australia with us, which I really appreciated. The video is below!



This is what I'm in Australia for. To learn everything I can possibly learn. I cannot ask for a better opportunity than this. =)

Humans are from Earth, Psychologists, too!

It's hard to put oneself in others' shoes. It involves being able to see from their perspectives, and knowing where they come from, and therefore understanding their circumstances. People think psychology students, and of course, psychologists, are super good at this, and we are therefore super understanding people who probably are pacifists and therefore don't fight.

But nope, we're just normal human beings like everyone else. We have our quirks and foibles, and our own stereotypes and prejudices, just that maybe, just maybe (and it's a very big "maybe"), we are more aware of our own thoughts and thus able to view it with a certain amount of objectivity. We get angry when we perceive we've been done wrong by, we get upset when things don't go according to plan, and we get upset when we're disappointed by whoever or whatever disappointed us. We are ruled by stereotypes and heuristics, just like all of you actually, so actually, we are the same as you.

Michelle told me she can be a clinical psychologist too. Well, why not? Personally, I think anyone can be anything they wanna be. Being a psychologist is not that much a stretch from being a normal human being, actually. Just listening, and responding appropriately, is already half the battle won, because you've got to get the client's trust. And anyone can do that. The other bit is the additional training that psychologists undergo, that probably makes them more sensitive in picking up the underlying issues. So how are we different from the rest?

One of the clinical lecturers said it's the quality of "warmth and fuzziness" that the interviewers were looking for. Yep, interviews are not as useful as taking psychometric tests, but he rationalized that the interviews were to get a feel of what the applicants were like, which were actually the "non-specifics" that they were looking for. By that, I guess they meant approachability, fluency in explanations (though I wonder how I passed that...), gentleness (?) etc. I don't know, really. Probably instinct for sniffing out probable backgrounds in clients? And then looking at these qualities, again, anyone can be that.

So I guess what differentiates psychologists from others is not how big-hearted we are, nor how understanding we are, but rather, the capacity to which we are interested in other people's lives, or how interested we are in making a change in their lives. I know I'm motivated by that, not that I'm anymore big-hearted or understanding than the next person. Hehe to put it crudely, I'm nosey. =p Really, we're not that different from you. We are just equipped with the training such that we SEEM to be better humans. But really, we aren't.

Life's Like That

"I'm really the wrong person to ask. I've been married twice and divorced twice, so I don't think I should be answering this question 'What have I learned?' There are going to be hills and valleys and what I've seemed to have noticed is that a lot of the young people today, they seem to want to quit at the first drop of drama or issues that they have. Even with my parents, there were the bad times. It's always going to happen and you need to work through those. If the love is there, you get through them together with trust and communication." -- Janet Jackson

This makes sense.

Missing All of YOU...

It was nice hearing a familiar voice from Singapore earlier this evening. I received a Facebook message from Des this morning, and decided to call her when I reached home this evening. Haha, it was nice hearing the surprise in her voice when she realised it was me. =p

And it's so comforting to hear a friend's voice, someone I've been hanging out with for awhile and can just talk about topics we used to talk about back at NTU. It's not that there's been a dearth of topics to talk with with my friends here, it's just that the familiarity of all these topics just makes me feel so comforted. The feeling is just like I never left at all and I was just picking up the conversation with Des from the day before.

Friends are different from family and partners. I still love talking to my family and Kok Yong, but friends remind you of the life you had back at home, and how you spent time with them in the canteens and in school just chatting while waiting for class. And memories of you debating over some topics, or just complaining, or gossiping, and the modules you used to take together just... I don't know... the feeling is like snuggling up on the bed with a good book on a rainy day - that kind of comforting.

Come to think of it now, I do miss my friends back home a whole bloody lot. Not keeping in touch with you doesn't mean I don't want to, I still miss you all all the same. It's good that there's Facebook, so I won't be kept out of your lives. Haha, so whoever's still reading this blog, you're the one I'm missing, and I can't wait to go back to Singapore to meet up with you! =) Don't forget me k!

My Life So Far

The previous post wasn't meant to be up. This one was. However, I was feeling rather emotional when I got home this morning, that I felt an irresistible urge to blog something emotional. Haha. Well, the updates for this new post isn't gonna be new to some of you who have been talking to me the past 2 weeks, so if you're one of them, I think you don't have to read this. Haha...

It's been a rather... tense (?) 2 weeks since I last blogged, and it's been rather trying as well. So many times I wondered if the signs weren't pointing towards it being the wrong decision to embark on postgrad studies, and if I should just throw in the towel and go back home. Much self-counselling has been done to myself, and also much much-needed support has been shown to me via friends and family and Kok Yong, which has done heaps to make me feel so, so much better. To sum it up, life without the Internet is really a very lonely one. Therefore, Michelle, I define existence as the ability to be able to communicate with others to let them know that you are still alive and occupying space on this earth.

So what really happened to make the last 2 weeks one of the most challenging? IT. Our wonderful and all-pervasive information technology jumped out from every corner imaginable and tried to trip me up.

First, was the thunderstorm that occurred 2 weeks ago. Apparently, the thunderstorm was so strong that it caused a power surge in many people's accommodations. I had turned off my power switch, but left my LAN cable connected to my laptop. And thus, the power surge caused my LAN port to get fried, thereby rendering me unable to access the Internet. I had thought the problem lay with the Internet Service Providers, so I called them up many times and even expressed my displeasure, only to find out later that it was my laptop that was causing the problem. -___-"

I had thought my only option was to go to the Toshiba Service Centre, but I met another friend, Tale, who gave me a ray of hope. A USB adaptor for the LAN cable! So I managed to find someone who had an extra and tried it out. Imagine my elation when I realised I could go back online!!!!

But being online was not what I was meant to do. The USB adaptor grew too hot, and my computer could not shut down. I thought it was the adaptor's problem, so I went to get another one. The same problem persisted, and I had to call Tale for help. He was very nice, and tried to troubleshoot the problem for me, finally coming to the conclusion that when my LAN port was fried, it also fried the neighbouring USB port, so it spoilt my USB adaptors. But we were not sure why the same thing happened in the other USB port that was located on the other side of the laptop. So, I was back to square one. I still could not go online.

So the next day, I went to the service centre to get it done. OMG. It was my first time travelling alone, and I was damn apprehensive about it. Well, people who know me would know my sense of direction is almost non-existent, so... yes, it stands to reason that traveling alone would terrify me. But because I believe I was admitted to an overseas university for a greater reason other than studying, I decided to just go ahead and move out of my comfort zone. I managed to find my way there!! All these done by asking around. Ah, the power of asking!

I was then told that if my computer was suffering from a hardware problem, I'd have to wait 10-15 working days before I could get my computer back, because since my computer was bought in Singapore, they'd have to import the parts from there and fix it. -_-" But if it was a software problem, they'd be able to repair it faster, but they'd have to charge me $82.30 an hour (&*%^%^%%^$&%$!!!). But since I really didn't have any other options, I had to agree, didn't I?

And after a discussion with my parents about the feasibility of getting a netbook, we decided it'd be better if I got one, so I wouldn't have to feel so handicapped. So got it I did, and guess what? The next day, I received a call from the service centre saying that they'd got my laptop fixed. And that was a Friday.

And something else happened on Thursday, which was the day my Internet plan was scheduled to deactivate. I was told that when my account was deactivated, I could just buy a prepaid card to recharge it, and my plan would go on as per normal (I was upgrading from a $40 to a $60 plan, and changing from paying by credit card to prepaid). Imagine my horror when I realised the next day afternoon (which was a Friday) that I couldn't access my Internet, instead finding out that my account had been terminated, and that the ISP operates on NSW time which is 2 hours ahead of Perth, which meant that I had called them when they closed. And I couldn't call them on weekends, because they don't open then. I had to wait till Monday.

So wait till Monday I did, and I did so many things that made me rather proud of myself. Haha!! I first called up the ISP, and told them what had happened. I was getting ready to show my displeasure already (and I think the customer service guy was too), when the guy took the initiative to find out what I'd done to my account and graciously set a new one up for me with the value I had put inside the day before. So that was done! Next was Toshiba. I was worried that the reason why they had managed to solve the problem so fast was because they had found a software problem, and would thus charge me. So imagine my pleasure when they said I didn't need to pay! And I later found out that my LAN port is the same as that in Australia, so they didn't have to wait for the parts! And they also said that it was likely the USB adaptor was faulty, so I went back to the seller and got a refund. Wow, that went smoothly too! They just accepted my reason, and gave me my money back without questions, so I was $50 richer again, which meant my pocket money for the month is more reasonable again! =D

The past 2 weeks made me realise I can actually survive on my own, and all I have to do is just to ask. =) So I will be stronger, and I will conquer the odds. =)

To My Family and Kok Yong

This is for standing by me through everything, and supporting me when I needed it most. Things haven't been easy, but now that they are starting to fall in place, I'd like to thank you all for being there. Everything you've done has been appreciated and remembered. =)

Because you Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

My First Week

Well, the first week of school is over, and it was a rather humbling first week. I've been brought back to earth, and made to realise that back home, I might have been able to understand alot of things, and find my way around, but here, I'm a visitor to a foreign land. Everyone speaks English, but it's a different sort of English all the time, 24/7. I won't say it's hard to understand, but it takes quite a bit of cognitive capacity to understand it. I mean, I can understand what they are saying, but I have to pay attention, or the information just gets lost on me. Jokes specific to Australians are lost on me, cos I am not that familiar with Australian culture yet. It feels good to slip into Singlish once in a while, that you feel you're right at home once again.

All in all, it's been an enlightening experience, and it's rather interesting to experience being in the minority when I've been in the majority all my life.

The people here are rather nice, and rather friendly, just that they seem more comfortable with their own people, which is normal, and perfectly understandable, as they've been around the same people all their lives. I present myself as a novelty, and who would want to approach a novelty 2 days into knowing them? We did that rather often in NTU, didn't we? Not approach the exchange students, and basically just clung together? So yes, it's interesting to be on the other side of the fence this time. Not pleasant, but interesting. I've to learn to deal with it, and maybe I'll become a better and more understanding person.

Everyone in class has had some form of experience in clinical work, except me. And they have gone through many life stages - marriage, divorce, first degrees, children... which leaves me as almost the youngest and greenest, and also means that I've got alot of catch up work to do. I just hope my mindset doesn't defeat me first before I start on my journey. I think a bit of it is affecting me, because sometimes I wonder why a particular concept is so difficult for me to understand. But don't worry, I'm still working on it. I'll be strong, and I won't let anyone down. Haha but I hope I'll have enough willpower to decide to continue on with a PsychD. Thinking about myself having 2 years ahead is daunting enough, so thinking about 3 years right now is.... well, kinda sad.

But something happened today that made me wonder if I've been going into this new chapter of my life with my eyes closed after all. Cos today, one of my classmates talked to me and asked me, "So how do you find today's lesson? Was it all right for you?" And I went, "Yeeeah..." Then she smiled and said, "Haha, you sound apprehensive. Are you all right?" Haha so I told her that I still needed to listen to some parts of the lecture, and some info was just zooming past me. After that when I asked her some questions about the readings, she took the initiative and helped me ask the lecturer, and told me that I can always ask her anything. And at the end of the lesson, she gave me her email address and told me to contact her anytime. Well. I think that was pretty nice of her to offer her help like that, but I can't help wondering what it was about me that made her behave like that toward me. Hmm... I wonder if it was because of my introductory speech on Monday. Oh well, I shan't think too deeply into that.

And while in the Ladies, I talked to another classmate, and she seemed rather nice. It all just started with a Hi from me, and we started introducing ourselves, though she seemed to not know much about Asians, seeing as how she told me her name, and said that it's probably hard for me to remember. Heh. Well seeing as how I come from Singapore, and her name is really not that uncommon, I think I shouldn't have problems with it. But still, I shall overlook that seemingly patronizing connotation and think she was probably trying to be friendly and helpful.

And at the end of the lesson, the guy sitting beside me came to introduce himself to me, and chatted with Wing and me for a bit. This girl from my Monday class smiled at me too as I walked into class, and I even joked with another classmate as I was getting out of class.

Well. Things aren't that bad after all, are they? Perhaps everyone just needs time to warm up, and just a Hi sometimes can melt the ice. I shall reserve judgment till I'm proven otherwise.

All in all, not a bad week.

Going for dim sum in Northbridge tomorrow, and going on a Catamaran trip on Saturday!! =)

Double Whammy

It's Chinese New Year AND Valentine's Day today, 2 days which I don't get to spend at home with my loved ones.

Last night, I was watching my family packing the red packets, to be given out today, tomorrow, and possibly Tuesday. I never used to appreciate this, until last night when they were packing while webcamming with me. I wished so much I was there, joining in the preparations, whining about having to go to the market, gossiping about the CNY performances with my family... But all I could do was to watch them do it. Haha, sometimes webcam's a torturous thing. You can see and hear everything, but you can't participate. Nonetheless, I think having a webcam is better than having none at all. At least I can see everyone I love.

As for Valentine's Day, well, it's not the first time I've not spent it with Kok Yong, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear. It's not the occasion or the celebration that matters to me actually; rather, it's the fact that I cannot see him or spend time with him that makes me... melancholy. And seeing couples happily together around me makes me miss him so much more.

I know I should grow up and be mature about this. I'm still adjusting. There'll be many times in the future I'll have to be alone, and I'd really like to take this opportunity to be more independent. I'm working towards that. Right now, though, I just miss everyone and everything back in Singapore.

New Chapter

So now I'm in Perth, and this time, I'll really be left alone. People say it gets easier to say goodbye to loved ones the more times you do so, but I think this is not very true. I think goodbyes are never easy to say.

My parents and Yi Lun left for Singapore today, and man, do I wish so much that they were still here, or that one, or all, of them could stay here with me. The last few days with them here, I felt really secure and happy. Now that they're no longer here, it's like, I really have to live an independent life by myself. It's hard to explain this feeling. It's a bit like, I'm left to fend for myself, and this time, I really have to fight my own battles. There's no more going back home to Bedok Reservoir at the end of the week to hide from it all.

BUT!

Before anyone emails or calls me to try to wake me up, let me let you know that I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. I may be homesick, but I'm not going to let that defeat me and compromise on what I'm here to do. I'm well aware that I'm here for several reasons - some tangible, others intangible, and I'm going to do that. I wanted this, and I'm not going to regret my decision.

I miss home.

I miss my parents.

I miss Evon.

I miss Yi Lun.

I miss Kok Yong.

Almost Here

Brian:
Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Brian:
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Both:
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts

Brian:
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Both:
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts

Brian:
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here

Brain:
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you

Delta:
And when I hold you you're almost here

Delta:
And when I hold you you're almost here





I've always had a fondness for this song, and I thought it's rather depictive of the misconceptions some couples have between themselves, thus reflective of gender differences when it comes to how they manage relationships. It's a nice song, isn't it?

Define: Chrysalis

The word "chrysalis" seems to have become an It-word lately. I kept seeing it around Orchard when I went out last Saturday. The Heeren Shops calls itself a "chrysalis" at the moment, because it's undergoing some revamps/renovation. The spa at Orchard Central is also named "Chrysalis Premiere".

"Chrysalis" does sound very pretty, doesn't it? It sounds like crystal, chrysanthemums... the shining, girly stuff. But is it? Well, having seen it so often, and having only vague memories of the term referring to a stage in the metamorphosis of an insect, I googled the term, to find that the definition of "chrysalis" is "the third of the four distinctive live stages of a butterfly. This is one of the most fascinating stages and one of the easiest to miss. Often the chrysalis is a dull brown or green color to blend in with its surrounding. This is the stage that turns the caterpillar into a butterfly." (www.mountainvalleygrowers.com/definitions.htm)

So there you have it, the reason why people would call themselves a chrysalis when they are undergoing a period of change. Similar to how a fat, ugly caterpillar changes into a butterfly, these places/people are striving towards perfection, and therefore asking us, the third parties, to be patient while they undergo the ugly stage. Similar to Chrysalis Premiere, they're trying to imply that everyone who goes to their spa will come out as pretty as a butterfly, regardless of how they looked beforehand.

But then again, the word "pupa" has the same meaning as "chrysalis". "Pupa" is a term whom most people know the definition of, and is definitely the most common term to describe this particular stage of metamorphosis. Alas, due to its not-as-feminine/magical sound, it's therefore dropped by people when choosing alternative terms for transitions.

Isn't it interesting how one term can be looked at from another perspective just based on the sound of that word? "Pupa" and "chrysalis". Same meaning, different reactions.